Here's the story: My girlfriend and I have been dating for several months now. She's 29 years old and I am 22. She moved in with me about 2 months ago because her lease was up on her apartment and we thought that it would be easier on each other if we shared bills. She tends to like to drink a lot to the point that she can't function and she even drinks this badly on days that she works the next day. We don't have sex very often anymore and normally when we do have sex, she's drunk and won't get off of me. I try to approach her when she's sober and she's just really unkind and says "I'm not horny right now." I also have to put up with her making tiny rude comments throughout the day, everyday. The only time that she's ever really nice is when she's drunk. I can't really describe them because they are so minuscule and common, but they're unnecessary hurtful comments that she says to me. I've told her multiple times that she doesn't need to say things in the manner that she does because it leaves me shocked, silent, and taken back. She could change just a few words and her tone of voice and make something hurtful into something normal. A lot of times I just sit quietly and avoid her unless she gives me contact first just so that I can prevent my feelings from getting hurt. I love her very much, but I don't know how to handle the stress that she's giving me. I'm confused a lot of the time because I don't deserve it and her cruelty sits on my mind all day. I'm actually beginning to dread when she comes home. I don't know what to do and I don't want to lose her. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!
Lesbian relationship or not, what you're going threw is called abuse and it rarley gets better. I'd leave.
Wow, I didn't think that it was abuse and I can't leave because she's living in my house! Abuse refers to the use or treatment of something (a person, item, substance, concept, idea or vocabulary) that is harmful. I just got finished speaking with my landlady about it (she lives right next door and she's like my "next door mom" because my mom lives in Louisiana (and they're the same age)) and she gave me examples with her and her husband. She said that I could either talk to her about it (which I have, but nothing has changed) or I could just ignore it and brush it off since it's not really causing me any harm, it's just making me feel bad. She said that her and her husband used to "get into it" and she just learned to take what he said with a grain of salt because that's just the way that he is. So I just have to let her words pass because it's just her personality. Plus, she's too good of a girlfriend to break up with.
Here's the best advice I can give based on my own experience. You said you moved in together to share bills. I did this once before as well. It started out fine, I had a lot of money so I also started drinking more and on weeknights. After about 3 months of that I started drinking a 26er (a fifth in the US) or more of whiskey ever single night. This continued for a few years. Eventually my money ran out, I had to quit my job, had to move out of my apartment, and the gf is long gone. I'm sober now, and happy, and doing my own thing. But I would never have gotten sober, ever, had all those bad things not happened to me. I needed to lose them in order to straighten myself out. By you being there emotionally and physically for your gf, sharing the bills, etc. you are only enabling her lifestyle. Also she is holding you hostage emotionally. Do her a favour, dump her and kick her out. It sounds really, really mean, but otherwise I highly doubt she'll fix herself otherwise. You'll be doing yourself a favour too. And if she likes drinking that much, sorry to say it, but she likes booze more than she likes you. Sad but true. Otherwise she wouldn't be doing what she's doing. Whatever the outcome may be, good luck. Peace
I am in the same situation with my partner. We get along great but have opposite personalites. She is more our going opinionated and not afraid to speak what is on her mind. I am more shy and reserved and do not say much. We have been together for almost 3 years. I have learned to be deal with her rude comments. Her comments are meant to sarcastic and sometimes they do come off as rude. I have learned to just take it with a grain of salt. Its just who she is. My partner is a good person. She has a good heart. As far as being drunk and having sex. We both get drunk and have sex. We both enjoy it more. And we rarely have sex when we are sober. So I dont have that problem you have. If there are good qualities your girlfriend has you will need to focus in on those. Its not abuse that she is like this. Its just how she is part of her presonality, just like some people are shy. If you are in love with her focus in the qualiies that made her fall in love with her. Its what helps me in my realtionship with my partner.
