hey everyone! I have been pretty lucky and had very few people die in my life, but those that have still upset me. Today I found a letter my grandma sent me, and I started crying a bit because it made me so sad. She died about 5 months ago, so I guess it's not too wierd, but when I think about my Grandpa who died 9 years ago I get the same way. I didn't know either of them very well, and I find it very hard to deal with the fact that I never will (I think that's what really upsets me, cuz how can you miss what you never knew?). Anyways, I want to know if anyone else has spent so long in this sort of phase, and any advice to get out of it. I've written about it, and dedicated time to think about them. Is this a common way to feel after so long? Thanks!
I haven't.....I'm actually waiting for the day that my racist fuck for a grandfather (who disowned me a few years ago) dies. I am going to piss on his grave. I feel the same towards an uncle of mine. The only person that died during my lifetime, that I know of, was his sister, whom I never met, so it didn't really affect me. I think that when another uncle of mine dies, and his wife, and many of my relatives on my mom's side, its going to be very hard.... good luck getting thru this.
Well that doesn't seem like it would help or cheer you up at all so I'll give it a shot. You seem to be a very empathetic person. That's not a bad thing. You may seem more emtional to others but it's a natural thing. What you may be feeling (and this is a guess) is guilt that you DIDN'T know them as well as you wish you would have and want to grieve for them as if you lost your best friend, which I did- in March. And I'm actually getting choked up now thinking about him. It's natural for you to feel this way and just because it's been a long time doesn't mean it hurts any less. Am I right in saying that these emotional incidents have become less frequent in the past few months? If not then maybe you DO need to talk with someone of a professional degree to help you with our greiving. But if so, then don't worry about it. The pain will become less with time. And just because you weren't reallt close doesn't mean you should feel awful. What I suggest you do to get out of the phase you are in is talk to your parents about what your grandparents were like with lots of little details. Then write your grandparents a letter and have a good talk about who you are and what you think of them when they were still alive. That way you can get to know them even after death and write a letter every once and a while to "keep them updated". Just because they aren't there physically doesn't mean they don't feel your love and pain. I'm sure they would want you to spend time showing them love instead of your pian and grief. Um... I really hope this helps. Make sure you try to live a positive happy life and don't spend too much time thinking about it.
As simple as it sounds yet as hard as it is to grasp, the answer is: to just move on! Death is as much a part of life as the actual living itself. You can't bring them back by grieving so just get on with your life and stop wasting time wishing for something you can't change. We should all learn to celebrate life while we have the chance rather than spending so much time living in the past or in a world of "what-ifs." What good does it do? None. What does it change? Nothing. You have to accpet it as it is and keep on living your life.
Its been almost 40 years since my mom died. I didn't get alot of time with her and only have a few memories. But I feel closer to her now than ever. I have in the last few years become alot more spiritual, and it gives me great comfort to know that I can communicate with her, I talk to her all the time and recieve so many signs that she's around. Its down right freaky that it happens so much. It is hard when you grieve for what "should have been", its sad you didn't get to have time with them. And its something you can't go back and fix. But what you can do is live your life in honor to them. Do things in their honor, when you extend a hand in friendship, or do any kind act for someone, say to yourself"this is for you Grandparent". Live a good life, treat yourself well, thats what they want, celebrate life. And Headymoe had a great suggestion, about finding out more about them, thats a great way to express your love. It will get less hurtful with time, but don't be worried about the crying, its an expression of a part of us, but think about them and smile whenever you can. teepi
