I am starting to get desperate. Need help forming relationships.

Hello!

Thanks for reading. I appreciate your time.

My problem is relationship building in general with a focus on obtaining a mate. I have never been great at forming relationships at all. I am an introvert and in general, socially inept. I am 24 and never had a meaningful relationship with anyone of the opposite sex (or same sex for that matter). I am not anti-social. I do like people. People seem to like me but it usually ends there. I don't get invited to parties (I wouldn't go anyway) or invited to hangout. I have no one to trust with any personal information.

I know I have some self-esteem issues and females generally like confidence. I am not the most physically attractive male out there... I accept that. I don't need love right now. I need the first step... like. I keep telling myself that "if I can just get one girl to like me... just like me"... those words repeat in my mind almost daily. I use to say love but I scaled back lol

So I am hoping to gain some knowledge, techniques, advice, etc. on how I can improve my social skills. Again, I am an introvert so I have no desire to be the life of the party. I just a companion of some sort.

Lastly, I know this would be a long journey to undo some of the damage I have already done to myself and my own thought process so advice on books would be helpful too.

Thanks in advance.

 

What I find is the best tension breaker is laughter. Make a girl laugh, and she will appreciate it. You have to be confident although, confidence is everything! Just go out there and do it my friend! No other is going to do it for you, it's in your hands, and your hands only. Allow her to gain trust in you, she will soon start to open up. Invite her on a few dates and take it from there... May the force be with you.

 

the trick is, and this is coming from someone with the same problem, is stop caring, stop caring what they will think, stop caring about impression or if theyll like you.

then you start caring after a while, after youve seen them more than once

 

@Spunkey:
Should I start or should I let the other person start the convo? I don't know that it would make much difference, though, as I don't know how to think on my feet like that.
A pretty girl can make a comment to me and I wouldn't know what to do with it. I think I over think it because I already have 30 scenarios planned out in my mind and responses to each variable that I think might arise. Of course, none of those scenarios occur and even if they did, I usually botch it. What kind of opening statement would work on you?

@: I like the idea but I don't have a regular hangout where there would be females around for me to not care about. I guess I would first have to find a hangout spot which shouldn't be too difficult.

 

I think your main problem is the scenario part, dont think like that, you end up getting stuck thinking of your scenario and you lose thread of the rest

 

You should, well, in my opinion. I'm a guy myself, and I find that women other than close friends are quite shy unless they are drunk. I've got a crush on a girl at work, and to get closer to her, I make her laugh and ask her lots of questions. She seems keen, she started to talk to me more near the end of the shift, after I showed her that I'm confident and game. She in turn started to ask me questions, and we just kinda hit it off from there. The next step is to get her number and invite her on a date. Don't worry dude, I'm not the best looking either. I have glasses and wonky teeth. If people didn't know me, they would consider me a nerd. But that in no way stops me, oh no. It's a gift to make people laugh, and most girls ENVY it! I'm not dressing my best or looking my best for work. I'm waiting until we go on a date and I'll blow her away, and keep her hooked for the next date. I totally agree with , just stop caring, it will open up a whole new world for you.

 

I am trying to get in that buddist type of mind frame. Live in the present... not try to think so much... trying not to judge situations. I am still working on that. Sounds like that should be my focus. I need to be aware of my own thoughts.

You both have shown me a path. I will see where it takes me. Thanks!

 

It's not a mind frame, It's a way of life. Be yourself, and GO FOR IT! Life is too short, grab what you're searching for and don't let it go, unless you find it's no good for you. Best of luck, and keep us updated.

 

yarrr best of luck,

 

Yep, yep but let go of desire man. You think well, if I can have just one girl, one girl I'll be happy, I'll be perfect, but realize this man, you won't, you'll get the girl she may stay with you and you'll need something else, or she'll break up with you and because she was "the one" you will be even more devasted than before. STOP BEING PERFECT, let go of these things, live in this moment, don't quest for these things. Love will come to you when you least expect it so don't.

 

ha. Easier said than done. I appreciate your words. I don't know if I can do it... not right now at least.

I am trying to step back and monitor things... see my thoughts for what they really are. It is difficult seeing myself in this position.