Not all fat people are slobbish mammoths...

so PLEASE stop lumping every single one of us as unhealthy and unworthy. The conceptual standards of beauty are measured largely upon cultural standards, all of which favor different body types/aesthetic qualities. Why can't a well-proportioned bigger person be viewed as attractive? Better yet, what the hell is with this fascist media and the assumptions it pushes on people? If the media is reflecting what how the public really thinks and it probably is from what I can tell, that's sad. I've met really skinny girls who feel hurt and self-conscious whenever people remark that they look "bulimic" or "anorexic."

I'll be honest, I look in the mirror and don't feel that the girl staring back at me is unattactive, yet I'm constantly (and painfully) aware of how the world doesn't. I have pictures on this site. I mostly like my face, but my large body drives me nuts. It won't go away no matter what I do. I'm in good health and my doctor is overall unconcerned with my weight. I am more health-conscious in terms of diet and lifestyle than my friends, skinny and fat. Yet I'm devalued on a consistent basis. I wish the whole "inner-beauty" thing really counted, because people seriously treat you like shit when you're not thin. I want to lose weight so bad, I'm considering surgery, and after having suffered years with bulimia, I've realized it's sad I should even have to come to that for my self-esteem. I'm healthy but I can't stand this weight on me when I don't live a sedentary, high-calorie life. (I recently became vegetarian. Sorry I just wanted to say that because I'm excited to return to it.)

I hate it when people talk down to me or act as though I voluntarily signed up for this. The fact that I have no obesity-related issues and a good lifestyle makes me a better candidate for surgery.

Really, though, why can't we learn to embrace a wider spectrum of beauty? Is it really that difficult to open your mind? And don't give me any of the "it's biological to like (blahblahblah)" because like I said, most beauty standards are determined by sociological factors.

But in the mean time, PLEASE STOP DEGRADING ME AND LABELING ME.

 

Alright. I will stop degrading and labeling you.

I do tend to feel sorry for people who are overweight, and to consider them as unhealthy people, because I was very unhealthy when I was overweight. I understand that some people are just naturally big. It is possible for someone to exercise regularly and consistently eat a healthy diet and still be large. However, I believe it is unusual.

In my case, I was unhealthy because I was overweight AND I was overweight because I was unhealthy. I felt rotten about myself, inside and out. I was depressed and self-medicating with alcohol and lots of bad food. I had no motivation to get up and do anything. I was just able to get up and go to work, and maintain the appearance of functioning. But I was falling apart inside, and killing myself outside.

Finally, and only because I'm in the Army, my boss insisted on me going to the gym and slimming down. I fought it hard at first. I didn't believe I was as sick as I was. I thought I had myself under control, even though anyone who cared to look could see that I didn't. I hated going to the gym. I hated running even more. But I had no choice. My boss forced me to do it, and he did it right along with me. It started having an effect. I lost weight. I put on some muscle. I had more energy. I felt better about myself. I quit smoking. I started really tightening down on my diet -- even though I wasn't being forced to. I had a goal, and I wanted to reach it-- for the first time in a long time, I was motivated to make myself into something better, stronger, more capable, happier and healthier.

I feel so bad for the person I was, his illness and his blindness. And I know that if it hadn't been for the fact that I had a special job where my boss could kick my ass and make me do what had to be done, I'd still be that guy. And that's why I feel so much worse for civilians who might be in the same position I was in...because they might never have someone kick their ass and show them how to get better. They might live the rest of their lives at the level of "functioning" and never "improving".

As I said, I understand that some people can live exactly how I'm living now -- working their asses off in the gym 4-5 days a week and only eating good, nutritious food in reasonable amounts -- and still be considered fat by many people. I know. I work with some. But I hope you also understand why I don't find it easy to consider overweight people beautiful until I get to know them. To me, that extra weight is a symbol of a disease that would have killed me.

 

I admit, I feel bad for people who are overweight because of health problems INCLUDING an eating disorder, which also includes eating large quantities of unhealthy foods.

... I'm just not one of them and don't enjoy being put under the same generalization.

 

Interesting posts by both of you. I think the reason obesity is viewed with disdain in American society is because, like alcoholism, it's considered a character defect ... that you somehow brought it on yourself, consciously or unconsciously. I'm not saying that's necessarily a correct assessment, only that it's a widely-held belief.

Be that as it may, it should still be possible to lose weight to the point of being considered "proportional". Not to trivialize the situation, but it still boils down to "calories in, calories out". If the "calories out" exceeds the "calories in" over a period of time, then the body has to lose fat. Obviously, everyone's body is different, and the process will work differently for everyone, but the equation still holds.

I'm sure you also know that dieting by itself will never work, nor will "miracle" diets that promise they can help you lose weight without exercising.

I once worked with a woman who was quite obese. She often claimed that she had tried "everything" to lose weight and nothing worked for her. And yet, she ate fast food for lunch every day, and she snacked on junk food practically non-stop throughout the workday. She never exercised. I mention this because apparently she had convinced herself that it was her "metabolism" or something else at fault and not her lifestyle. She truly believed this, and her idea of "cutting down" on calories was to drink diet soft drinks with her snacks.

She's probably an extreme example, but I know it's very easy to lose track of calories consumed. It's also easy to eat more at meals than your body really needs, if your sense of hunger is out of whack with your body's food requirements. To be more blunt about it, it's also easy to find yourself in denial, just as most alcoholics deny that they are alcoholic.

I would never "degrade and label" you. Nor would I lump you as "unworthy" or criticize you. Lord knows I have more than enough things about myself to criticize. But enough people have been able to lose 50, 100, or even 200 pounds to say that it can be done. You certainly know that being overweight is bad for your overall health.

I do wish you the best in working out this situation in the best way for you.

 

you can be a fat biker and get laid constantly---plus with size no one fucks with you

 

This post so much reminds me of daytime talk shows featuring groups of overweight women and average sized women, who decide among themselves what men ought to think and feel about the weight issue. This is a complete waste of time. You may as well be forming a consensus on the care of unicorns or wishing for snowstorms in midsummer. Meaningless words; wishful thinking.

Worse yet, it could and probably should be considered as demeaning to men. You can't just tell someone what to like or what physical features to be sexually attracted to and expect anything to come of it. It doesn't work that way. We think whatever we think. Pop culture reflects our preferences, not the other way around. And doctors agree with us to the extent that they have proven that excess weight is bad for your health. It's not all about appearance.

Trying to shift the focus to the attitudes of men is nothing but a diversion from the real issue. The problem is medical, and you need to address it; whatever it takes. Finding that one man out of a hundred who is turned on by heavy women is not going to prevent you from dying of heart failure before age 60, or surviving longer to face almost certain orthopedic problems that will make your life miserable. In fact, finding that guy might make a terrible medical outcome more likely for you, because of his acceptance. I know this isn't pleasant to hear, but it is the truth.

A real friend is someone who tells you the truth about important issues, regardless of whether you want to hear it.

Try to put yourself in our shoes for a moment. You honestly and openly describe to someone the kind of man you are attracted to; what turns you on. Then you are told that you are wrong. He says you should change all your opinions and priorities because a certain group of men doesn't like them. How would that make you feel? How receptive would you be to those suggestions? Would you feel that your opinions as an adult were being given proper respect and consideration? Would you think that guy was out of touch with reality?

 

Excellent point, NotDeadYet.

And to clarify something I think you meant in this post, the fact that a plurality of people might find a particular body type unattractive does not mean that those people should change what they find attractive any more than it means that people with that body type should change to become more attractive to those people.

There should be a tacit understanding: no attraction, no obligation on either party.

 

Really nice and respectfull posts regarding what seems like an epidemic problem.

 

I agree. The health aspect of this issue should be paramount. Any changes that anyone makes for cosmetic reasons are absolutely none of my business.

 

I probably sound like a huge hypocrite, but despite the sympathy I have for people with eating disorders, I HATE seeing people behave in the manner you described above because it fucks healthy larger people like me over.

I'm in proportion and everything (don't believe me you can go to my albums), but just larger. Fuck, I used to model for plus-size retailers, something my mom recently hinted she wants me to go back to. And honestly, I might - seems like there should be more good portrayals of beautiful, plus-size people rather than the zoom-ins of bellyshots in the news. These were the people this post was supposed to be about, NOT about people in need of behavior modification. From what I can tell, society just has a hard time accepting that not everyone has a problem, just like it does everyone else is stigmatizes.

And as for the person who mentioned it wasn't good to have a partner who accepted me for my size. Not only does my significant other enjoy my body, but he's also majoring in a pre-med program to become involved in the medical field. I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but my doctor is less concerned than I am which makes me feel crazy. God, I feel like I always have to rationalize and justify myself to show I'm not "one of them." It almost makes me feel like the people who make up excuses, even though I clearly just state facts my doctor verified. It's awful and I shouldn't have to.

I noticed I got the willpower rap from a few people, even though you were trying to be nice... You don't even realize that you do it, much like the subconscious overeaters do. Like citing health problems. I know obesity causes health problems - I've met alot of who it affects. I've met alot of people who bring obesity upon themselves from sheer neglect. I was at a festival yesterday, and I was dancing, jumping, walking and/or swaying my hips most of the time, while this very obese woman and her husband were sitting in their chairs the entire time. I know they exist and that it's a problem. Personally, be one of the thousands per year that die of obesity rather than the 25,000 who die of starvation each day.

Just please remember the difference between "healthy" fat and "unhealthy" fat, because THEY ARE DIFFERENT. YES, THEY EXIST.
In-proportion + large size = healthy
Out-of-proportion + large size = not healthy

Damn, I'd love to see even half the skinny people I know climb all the hills I have in just today.

This is just one of the many reasons I'm glad I dropped out of society.

 

Seems to me Blinkie you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder, maybe the issue is trying to let go of the problems YOU have with your weight? Hell i'm a skinny guy and I dont have a partner, im very lonely, if i were you I'd just enjoy living life and try not to preconceive what others might think of you.

I think it is worth mentioning most guys i know arent attracted to women that are so skinny it's unhealthy, we have our preferences individually, and they can swing both ways.

 

Blinkie

Let’s face it you’re a COW and everyone knows you’re a COW

The question is do you want to be chuck steak or a sirloin :toetap05:

Hotwater

 

Blinkie, the only thing more unattractive than a fat ass is an ugly attitude like yours.


iggy:

 

Imo, the human body is supposed to be somewhat fatty, so if you give it the chance to become fatty, it will more than happily oblige. It is true that some people have bad genes and it is harder to lose weight, but I fucking hate hearing people say that its "impossible" for them to lose weight. While they're complaining they should be on their ass doing situps, doing pushups, or jumping on the treadmill, then I'll listen.

 

3.5 miles a day and counting. On a track, not a pussy treadmill.

 

I hate it when people use this argument:

It's not the media that's telling me (as a guy) to be attracted to thin girls.

It's my fucking cock.

No offense but that's how it works. And no it's not gonna change. Fat people aren't "beautiful". Sorry. They're not, and the only guy who'd think they are is someone who is either a) Extremely desperate or b) Has some weird chubby chaser fetish (they definitely exist)

You can't ask for a guy to go for a fat chick anymore than you can ask a girl to go for some desperate, needy, insecure loser. (by loser I mean someone who has no self confidence, not talking about the "world's standards" or whatever since I know you have a problem with that).

Has nothing to do with being "open minded". It's called natural selection.

Honestly I have a lot of trouble really feeling sympathy towards fat people because they DON'T have to be that way. You can play the genetics card all day long but I know several very good friends of mine who used to be way overweight, decided they'd had enough, started working out a LOT, and boom, now they look like something out of 300.

People who see them now think that they're just the "thin athletic" type.

People do have tendencies physically for weight/muscle/fat composition etc. but those tendencies are EASILY and MASSIVELY outweighed by what you DO in terms of eating/working out.

I'm on the opposite side of the spectrum (or was). Used to be RIDICULOUSLY skinny. 6 feet tall and I weight 130 pounds (that's like concentration camp basically).

But I got off my ass and started eating a LOT (healthy things mind you) and working out a LOT and now I'm 170 pounds at 8% body fat. I worked my ass off though for it. I remember, my first two years of college I spent about 3-4 hours a day eating and 2 hours a day working out. With homework on top of that and classes I had literally no free time. But I wanted to bulk up so I did it.

For you though you should reverse it obviously. Spend 3-4 hours a day doing cardio exercise.

3.5 miles a day is good, but if you're really serious about this it's probably not good enough.

My best friend who lost 80 pounds in one year ran 10 miles a day (yes it was hard as hell at first for him but now he's in ridiculously good shape) and watched his diet VERY closely.

 

im a bit on the big side and i go to a school with 300 kids (boarding school) 290 of these kids make fun of me on a somewhat regular basis and it fucking sucks, now because of them i am considering loosing weight just so i dont have to listen to their fucking shit! i know i shouldnt soccome to that type of bullshit but i just cant take it after 3 years.

and for the record i dont play that genetics card shit, it is my fault. but still FUCK THEM you dont need to be a soulless jerk god damn, let me live the way i want

 

That's totally cool man.

It's people that whine and bitch and moan about their weight when they're doing jack shit about it that piss me off.

 

yeah for sure, when im at home i dont feel all freaked out to take off my shirt and go swimming, but at school i never even think about it, its annoying. but yeah i hate whiny fatties haha, they piss me off to. im gonna do this for my own good mostly. and i want this one chick (maybe highten my odds of getting her?) haha

 

Why is it only fat people that blame the media for some kind of conspiracy?