newbee...just a few poems...views appreciated.

Blackened heart made of gold
anorexic face to which its fed
"just pull my plug" he cried, he said

"You dont want to relive my day!"
with one last punch, the mans now dead.

It robbed his soul
like lost control

the downtown district of pimps and whores
were he found bliss
were he beholds....


i flipped a switch
now the cool breeze takes over
i just found out im not the one and only
pain covers this world slowly

poetry recited
through my thoughts indited
you are all invited....

you know me now right?
you feel my pain
"i thought i did man, thats insane."
a month and a half ago i went through a stage
i flipped the page of my youth less mind
i switched my number to one above five
it was in motion when i realized that
::his position settled::
it was truly mine

nothing seems like was was told
stories shifted
fires were sold
walking as the living dead
departure from your final bed
the meadow breeze that blows above
to those who see
what used to be love....

::he rose from his tomb::
and then he said..
"holly shit, its already noon!"
im so happy...i cant wait till it happens to you...

 

i need critisism. does this make sense to anyone?

 

if everyone who has viewed replied whats on their mind....this site would be alive!....i guess nothing is sacred in this place either.

 

i aboslutely LOVED it.
i suck at poetry and stuff. and i didnt understand it entirely, but it flows nice, and has a general story

well done mate

 

thank you brotha

ive always been interested to poetry but held back because its not or wasnt the cool thing to do...but a life experience later i found out i really just enjoy writing my thoughts down on paper.

that first entry was really a few different riffs glued and stapled together.

but all in all, i was pretty content with it. and your right it ended up being a story.

 

I enjoyed reading it. Very thought provoking. I understood most of it. I have only written one poem and it was for a friend. So im not the best critic around. Keep writing!

 

thanks for the review...hope you all get a chance to read my other poem. i believe i titled the thread... you inspire me. a peice im really proud of.