So many people decived by love.

Not that anyone was asking but here is my take...............



Many people truly have no idea what it takes to build a strong bond. That is what makes most relationships fail. They are built on a weak foundation to start. Here are just a few dumb-ass reasons that people form relationships.......

1) You meet someone and hook up with them. You are really good in bed together.....

How many times have we done this one? Most of us know it takes months just to see what a person is really like. Now your are invested in it before you really even know a person. So, by the time you find out that they are egotistical, self-serving jerks, you have developed deep feelings for them. You hang on hoping they will see the error of their ways, but it's all for not. Then relationship fails, and it should have.

2) You meet someone who is successful, and seems like they are headed for a good life.

Another classic mistake! We are all taught to find someone with their "shit" together. The problem with that, is that it's pretty easy for some people out there. Many idiots get a trust fund for college. Skate through because they don't have to work, while trying to study. Have a position handed to them upon graduation through "friends of the family".

That does not mean they are a fit for you. So many people fall in love with someone's ability to provide for them. Meanwhile, they were never right for each other. One person usually becomes bitter that the other's feeling aren't as strong. Relationship is doomed to fail.


People, relationships fail for a reason! Anyone who has been in a couple of them understands that. I have had many failed relationships, but I can tell you honestly they weren't established properly..........

Some people settle because they don't think they can get the person the really want. They aren't confident, so they latch on to a person that they think is on their level. They aren't totally happy with them, but they know they can keep them.

Some people chase fame! Go after the person in the lights. They are in love with that person's popularity.

Some people are after financial stability. They want a provider. They see someone who will make life easier for them. They are never totally happy with the person, but they think they can make it work.

There are many more of these................

The fact is the truth will come out. Some way.....some how! Each of these people aren't totally satisfied with where they are. After time passes the foundation starts to crack, and then bam!

IMO........... Love isn't what kills these relationships, the we do! We do it to ourselves!

 

i think that the basic premise of marriage is based on the premise of self-actualised individuals finding their soulmates or other highly compatable individuals. the problem is that through time, moral degredation, church corruption(yes, i'm not christian), that it has been almost totally misconstrued. it's based on something true but we screw it up because we are human.

there are so many misconceptions about what love between two people is. so many broken relationships which cause unfounded suffering, so many desperate individuals helplessly grasping at whatever they can grab, and just a whole lot of people that don't need to be in relationships in the first place.

i mean, these kinds of things are good. it's a learning experience. but to take it for anything other than that just wouldn't be true. there are many valuable lessons to be learned. i personally think that there is as much to be learned from the hurt after a relationship as there is from the love that resounded when the relationship was intact. the hurt isn't a bad thing. it is just attachment manifesting itself. you must learn to overcome this hurt, as you must learn to overcome all attachment.

but then like someone mentioned earlier i think that once one reaches a certain point in their moral, spiritual, and physical integrity then they are able to achieve true love. you just can't dive into the pool if you aren't even all the way to the end of the diving board yet. this kind of love isn't just found between any two people. generally i would say it is between soulmates, or other highly compatible individuals. yes, everyone has a soulmate. will everyone find their soulmate? probably not. once the point of self-actualisation and moral and spiritual integrity is reached, in mutual cases, then fate will generally bring two individuals together that are supposed to spend the rest of their lives together. i'd say it is found between two soulmates, but sometimes i'm not so sure.

i think that generally true love stems from Agape(divine or spiritual love) and unconditional love for all beings. once this unification with the divine is found all things are outflowing from that. but i mean it is important to not confuse mispercieved love and true love. because the act of searching and yearning for love can often lead to things which are just completely condradictory to the essence of love.

chasing love is alot like the search for the holy grial. it's an impossible goal. you can run, and run, and run, but you are going to go nowhere. you can't find true love, true love finds you.

peace.

 

love is what you make of it...

 

The first post in this thread that I can second whole-heartedly!

I prefer to think of love as a story that two people make of their lives. Two people who like the same kind of stories and write in a similar style meet and start writing. Some are short stories, and some are series. Some even take breaks in the plot and bring in other characters and then bring it all together for the finale. It's just amazing, the variety.

Personally, I'm hoping we write a Proustian series of volumes that fills up half a library shelf. It's a hell of a lot of work, requiring terrific imagination and a lot of sacrifices for cooperation's sake...But it's great so far. And it sure beats anything I wrote by myself!

I just hope we both some how get to wrap up the story and finish writing at exactly the same time. Although I enjoy writing my own sentences from time to time, the idea of writing a paragraph without her is just too sad to imagine.

 

Floes, I don't think anyone could've said it better. But to me, love is fictitious. It's a construct created by modern man as a system of control, but I'm not saying don't appreciate the person you are with. Enjoy them while they're around, but don't grow attached and don't fall in "love." This world would be much happier if people didn't cherish everyone who came their way.

I have not experienced love in YEARS. I have not looked at a women and felt those yearning feelings of wanting to spend the rest of my life with them and I am better for it. My friends, though, I've seen go through countless heartbreaks and I can't help but chuckle to myself and say, 'I'm glad it wasn't me!'. I have, however, looked at a REALLY hot woman and felt those old fashioned feelings...where I'd do anything to bone her. And that's what those "love" feelings are there to begin with. It all has to do with the need to reproduce. You see someone that's good looking or has a great personality or any combination of those qualities and your mind tells you that you need to reproduce with them to carry on those traits with yours. So your body creates chemicals that give you a euphoric feeling.

Just sleep around and not concentrate on relationships. You'll live happier.

 

There's nothing wrong with sleeping around, but don't decide in advance whether or not you will fall in love. Let it come to you, if it will. Be open to all possibilities. Either it will happen or it won't. If you don't approach women with an open heart, every decision you make will be wrong.

Trust me, I used to be the world's biggest skeptic on romance. I learned the hard way.

 

=] ive found the feeling, and damn i missed it.
maybe my original post would have been differnt if i had this feeling when i wrote it. but my main point still exist.

love is good sense.

 

'tis indeed. If having lots of partners and not settling down floats your boat, go for it, just don't be a jerk about it (I know lots of those people). I'm with someone right now I'd be perfectly content to settle down with, because she's everything I could want in a mate. Even if the initial sparkles fade (and it's been a while now), I'd work to keep a long-term love there and build that relationship into something stronger than initial sparkles, stronger than sex, and strong enough to last until we're both old and grey.

 

1 in 5 Marriages end in 5 years. 1 in 2 every 15 years. 60% of marriage experience infidelity, on more than one occasion. It may not be worth the pioes looks and the unmistakable pride, especially when that pride is put to the test against anothers and we still face problems even when all is said and done - when everyones packed up and headed home to face what we promised we must....mmmm 1 in cinq, I'll take my chances with social utilities like lava life and e-harmony.

 

This is an interesting topic, one which I found quite intriguing a the moment. Unfortunately I don't have much time this morning to speak on it. Maybe Ill remember to log in later and comment further. People like to make meaning out of everything, in fact thats all we do, all day long! What does this mean, what does that mean, omg Im in love, etc. Meaning in and of itself is something that only humans do. The cold reality of if it is there is no meaning, to anything... does that mean anything? NO. My point is love is not something that exists, or something that can be sought. Love is something that comes from within the mind of each individual. Love can take whatever form you desire, or whatever form you despise, for it exists only within you. I must say, I agree with the previous poster; love is what you make of it. It truly is.

As far as the OPs comments are concerned I have to disagree on some points. There are many animals that mate for life, quite a lot in fact! I do not think its unnatural to spend your life with one person if you so desire. For some, one is enough, for others not so much. My grandparents have been happily married for over 60 years, who am I to argue with that? Im truly happy with a life with one person when that feeling is reciprocated. The problem is that most people get involved for the wrong reasons they try to force an outcome which inevitably results in nothing.

 

I could only offer what is something that I strongly believe is love. It is an unconditional commitment to someone. In other words, I love you no matter what.

 

I really don't think we just fall in love once and forever. We can love one person and others at the same time. This is where marriages often fail. One of the partners fall for another person and chaos ensues when really it would be easier to admit that it is possible to love more than one person.

 

love is teamwork..which makes a bond stronger

if ones putting effort in and one is not...its not going to work

you need to work and communicate well together

you try alternatives, not give up instantly

you realize your up's and downs

you dont rush but feel what is good and bad

you give their time and space, having confidence


I always thought this. its a 2 way road in relationships to make it work

 

The problem is that even if it is recognized that anyone can love more than one person at a time, most people don't want their partners to divide their time and affection. People don't like to share those things that are most important to them.

Especially when someone has made a decision to base all the major decisions of his or her life on what is best for one other person, it can be a very insecure feeling to know that the other person is basing his or her major decisions on a compromise between what is best for two people.

Most people just aren't capable of handling that level of complexity and sacrifice in their relationships. And, really, it is a lot to ask.

But assuming that three people were willing to make the required sacrifices, and had the emotional intelligence to make it work, what would stop the triad from growing further? If everyone in the family was permitted to develop loving relationships as they saw fit, the family might soon become a small commune. Then, everything would become political. We've seen many instances of failure in free-love communes.

 

I agree with you but then I have to question the rights of the individual and his or her freedom. Is it really right to take away somebody's freedom to enjoy others? I don't see free love in relationships as giving a partner their freedom but rather as not taking it away. This would mean accepting and enjoying the fact that your partner was able to love more than one person.

 

And then dealing with the consequences, not only for your partner, but also for yourself, and for the other partner, and for any other partners you or your partners may have or develop over time. It quickly becomes a nightmare of time and emotion management.

 

Isn't that just describing the human race though? If it wasn't other partners then it would be "my friend and I have fallen out" or "my sister has done this, that or the other.

 

For most people in poly relationships, jealousy crops up pretty regularly. They just learn ways of dealing with it.

I'm not saying that a loving relationship between two people gives them a right to restrict each other's choices, only that in support of that loving relationship, it would be responsible for the participants to voluntarily limit their own choices.

Yes, a certain amount of drama is unavoidable. But some situation just bring more drama than others.

 

I can honestly say that between you two, there is crossed wires.

Define love to each other and you will see them in plain sight.

I think you guys semi-agree, the word is throwing the whole thing off.

 

Love is purely logistic, I am sick of fouled up logistics. It was not fun being the boyscout that fell into the iced creek....I hate that shit in life, so much!