I hooked up with a 30 year old.

I'm just recently 18, just graduated high school. Moved to Israel, staying in an apartment alone, so things get lonely sometimes. My uncle, who's 54 or so, is a complete sweetheart and always tries to take me places, so I can have fun. He's also quite the player, he's always been, all the men in my family are. So he has this girlfriend (read: a girl who cooks and cleans for him, and fucks him some) but he has an open relationship with her.

So they pick me up, him and his girlfriend, and tell me that it was some holiday, like an Israeli valentine's day, and that we were going to speed dating, out in the woods. His girlfriend was all "if you brought your underwear, leave it in the car" hinting that things would get real wild. I was just hoping to myself that I would be safe, and that my uncle would be in the right mind to drive me home later that night (he doesn't do drugs, clean 20 years, but with a woman in his sight, he loses all sense of responsibility).

So then he tells me it's speed dating for 50+ year olds, and I'm all WTF AM I DOING HERE?!?! So I get real nervous. But I'm like, you know what, at least there's beer.

So after 5 min of being there, in a clearing in the forest, staring at all of the desperate, lonely middle aged women, desperately flirting with guys there, I grabbed a beer, and set out to the forest. Just wanted to walk around. I think I knew that it's sort of dangerous; apparently dead bodies show up in those forests often, a fact I was not aware of when I went walking about. Plus there are snakes, and I was barefoot. But I figured any place was better than the stupid speed dating.

After half an hour I start walking back to the crowd, hoping to find my uncle, ask him when we were coming home, and I came across two men that LOOKED to be around their mid 20s. So I wanted to talk to them, and I sat down next to them. Had a really great conversation with one of them. Really cool guy; we were discussing NY, Israel, religion, etc. He revealed to me that he was 30, but I continued talking to him, because who else did I have to talk to? (he knew I was 18, because I told him)

A bit into the conversation, I noticed his behaviour changing; he was staring at me more, getting closer, flirting a bit. I could tell that he was going to make a move, soon. After a bit of debating in my head, I decided that I did want to hook up with him, but that I would not let it get far. So I asked him what holiday it was that day, and he said the holiday of lovers, and he kissed me.

So then we go a bit farther out in the forest, lay on the ground, and start making out. True to myself, I did NOT let things get far at all. I told him straight out "I am a virgin, and I am NOT going to fuck you". He was a nice guy, he was all "I'm enjoying just holding you" ad nauseum. Seemed pretty sincere, though. If he weren't, I would have ended it. Anyway we had fun, talking, kissing, laying in each other's arms for a while. Then I noticed it was 1am, and in a panic I told him I had to leave, because I was scared my uncle left without me.

So I told him my phone number, but accidentally gave him the wrong number (I still don't know my number by heart). I found my uncle, who apparently was looking for me for hours straight and was about to call the police. I felt bad, but I thought it was sweet of him, because I was sure that he was fucking some random chick and taking her home instead of remembering that he had to drive ME home. It showed me that he really matured. Anyway, that was off topic.

So yeah. I hooked up with a 30 year old, and I'm only 18. And you know what? I don't regret it. I don't think I'm a slut for doing so. I think I was in control of the situation (he wanted to come back to my apartment with me and I shut down that idea REAL quick). And I don't think there was anything wrong with what I did. I used to have rules for myself (no one under 25, etc) but you know what? those rules did more bad than good, because if a guy fit into those rules, I would "allow" myself to hook up with him, even if he was a complete asshole.

So this totally sweet guy was outside of my rules, and I'm glad we shared the night that we did. and I wish that I had given him my correct phone number, so that we could hang out again.

I guess my main confession is....I'm done setting rules for myself. If something feels right, and most importantly; safe, then I will do it. If something feels unsafe, I won't. That's that.

 

I used to set rules for myself, principles to live by because I felt it was right. In truth I simply had an image of myself that I wanted to project to the world. It's when you let social constructs bother you so much that you set up these rules and principles, which ultimately just stop you from being you.

I find that the common cliche, "Just be yourself", really rings true in the modern age.

 

i know i preferred older men when i was your age... that's kind of natural

and where did you come up with an idea that you might be a slut for hooking up with older man? cmonn...
it's more natural than being with a 16 year old who is only 2 years younger... right?

 

The main problem hooking up with a guy that age is not him or you, its the women his age, they are going to want to slit your throat (metaphorically not literally...although...)

 

it could have been worse... old men know how to lay a dick better

 

Ze beemet lo big deal.

 

gam ani lo choshevet she ze "big deal".

But all my friends do

Update, though. So I hadn't really remembered the guy's name, it was an unusual one, but I knew it started with am, or av. So I'm walking around in the street, yesterday, looking for a cheap place to eat, and all of the sudden I see a sign "Maya. Please call me. Amitai (he left his phone number)". The second I saw the name amitai I was like, damn, that's his name. But I doubted that I was that maya, and that he was that amitai. But I called anyway.

And it was him. When we were talking, I mentioned I lived close to some park, so he came in to tel aviv and posted signs all over the park, I saw at least twenty, just to get in touch with me.

I think it's sweet . So we're meeting up again today. Kind of excited about it.

 

aw thats so sweet!

 

yeah, makes me smile every time I pass by one of the signs (quite often).

Not that anyone cares, but to keep the story updated:

we met up today, went for a walk along the beach, had a bite to eat. Then went near to my place, and I invited him in, even though I didn't want to. As he was sitting on my couch, I just.......felt all of the expectations pressing in on me, and suddenly I wanted him out of there. It's like, I realized that I was confused about the situation and didn't understand my own feelings, but hell he's 30 and he knows perfectly well what he wants, and he understands how things go, and I just don't.

It's difficult for me to admit it, but I just DON'T understand like dates, and stuff like that. He liked me SO much, and I just didn't feel the same way, and I was confused by the fact that he actually liked me, didn't just want to fuck me.

So even though he was a total sweetheart, I, at 18, don't think I was ready to take even a baby step further. So I politely told him that he should leave, and we discussed it for a while, and like a true gentleman, he did leave, without trying to convince me about anything.

I feel shitty about the whole situation, but I also felt I did the right thing, and maybe I should wait before jumping into something like that again, because I realize I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. At all. It's a strange feeling.

 

so you just didnt like him that much? or was scared?

 

I think it was both. I was just confused about the situation, and felt that quickly it would become something I didn't want it to be. So yeah. I guess intimidated, scared, confused, and I wasn't crazy about him. but he was crazy about me, and I was all, whaa?

 

yeah i know how that feels. i just ended a relationship with an older guy (not very much but a little). the entire time i was just going "wtf does he want with me" it was all very confusing and it became too much. kind of was too into me. i can dig that you didnt want to refrain from things you think would be cool to just go and do, but yeah why waste it on things that dont feel right. lol i hope i made sense.

 

So how was the second date?

 

I already posted about the second date .

 

one time when I was 26 and doing meth, i hooked up with this meth whore that was 57. When she moaned it sounded like the zombies groaning at the beginning of the resident evil 2 video games. I went limp and had nightmares that night...

 

How is this a confession? You're both over 18 and you had sex. Woopee.
I was 18 when I met my husband who was 26 at the time I think. But I'd slept with men who were older by then. No big deal, you need to stop taking the numbers so seriously. Unless you decide to start shacking up with pensioners

 

Ahhh, we didn't have sex! I dunno all my friends are all OMG30YROLD! YOUGONNAGETRAPED!

Like, let's just say if I were to tell my momma bout it she wouldn't be happy.

Even though she started fucking my dad when she was 16, and he was 32, so she can't really tell me I can't hook up with older men .

I'm happy though, that it's not only me who doesn't think it's SUCH a big deal. But I do think that other people think it's a big deal. Dunno.

 

Yep, go right ahead. No rules, "it just feels right" - that's a great philosophy to live by. Especially at 18, when you already know absolutely everything in the world.

The only consequence to that is waking up one day and realizing that you've been used like a cheap whore, and wondering how exactly you could be so stupid to let it happen. In the best case, you've just been kicked to the curb because he traded you in for another 18-year-old, or just a broad who sucks a mean cock. In the worst case, you're knocked up, and he isn't exactly jumping with joy.

Hint: you aren't the first one to embark on this road, and neither you are the first one to eventually regret it.

 

While you make a good point in a rather crude way, I would just like to point out that I do not think I know everything, or most things. Especially when it comes to dating, sex, love, etc.

I'm just open to the idea of learning through experience rather than living life acting through a set of rules laid out for me by other people, and not knowing WHY I shouldn't do something. That's all.

 

Here's what you do:

Get yourself a boat, a sailboat. Meet your older lover someday at the boat, and sail away together. Write poetry, sing songs, make love, and sail around the Mediterranean. It can be very romantic, and you don't have to deal with things like "friends" and "relatives". Just live life.