I kinda don't like my dad...

OP sez: The original thread has been altered by me because I suspect that another relative of mine may be on Hipforums, or at least lurking, so to protect my privacy and dirty laundry, I replaced all the "telling" posts with periods. It was great therapy to vent on here, and I feel a lot better about the situation. I appreciate all the thoughtful responses as well.

 

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hope ya feel better after getting all that off your chest...

dont feel guilty for how you feel.. Its ok

 

Thank you! It's like I know logically that my feelings regarding him and his issues are valid...I just have to draw a line and illustrate how much I'm willing to put up with. And grow a spine and maybe face him getting mad at me for asserting myself. I can't control how he reacts, but I can control how much I let him step on me.

 

exactly no one can make you feel anything unless you allow them to. When we choose to not allow someone to make us feel a certain way then we are taking control of the situation rather than letting someone else have that control

 

i feel the same with my dad...i don't like him but i do love him and care for him...it's kind of like unconditional love

 

I stopped allowing contact from my father for about 10 years now. Sometimes I wonder if I really ever knew him. I never felt safe around him, and he lived only for himself. I mean it was a real stretch to meet any parental obligation. It's painful some of the stuff that I went through, the neglect and filth. His friends. CPS would have had a field day. I never knew some of the things we did weren't normal.

I think it's healthy to stand up & demand the right to be treated as a person with feelings & dignity. Sometimes parents don't ever respect their children as separate human beings but as extended parts of their own ego.

My father has a problem with substances too, included a distorted sexual addiction.

I can relate to the pain you are going through, but somewhere down the line I had to pull the plug on the emotional entanglement. I am a survivor, not a victim.

Be Well~

 

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Amen!

 

Hey, I know a lot of people with alcoholic parents and with the help of support groups like Al-Anon (I THINK that's what it's called), some find it easier to make it through.

And I can totally relate to the weight thing. People don't always realize what a touchy subject that is... or that chances are, if a person's fat, they definitely know it.

 

Sea of grass- please don't take this the wrong way.
You have 1 mother and one father
What i would do is write a pros and cons list about your parents and the cons list think of a positive way of thinking of your father . My father is VERY VERY hypicritical and very good at giving other ppl advice but he thinks he shit don't stink hes a closet drunk and denies it but i still keep in contact him . My mom on the other hand she never ever thought i could do anything in life and never ever thought i could complete college i'm graduating with 80's 90's her first time saying i love you to me was when i was married.

When my husband first met her she sat down and said
Teri can't clean, do laundry, cook, work, go to school take care of kids , take care of pets , tidy her room, keep track of bills , etc etc. I do all of that and more. So please don't let your father get to you love him for what hes actually done for you .

 

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You can choose your friends not your rels. You don't have to like someone just because they're related. Get your head round the way you feel about your father and move on knowing that you have nothing to feel guilty about.

 

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