How do I get myself into these situations?

Okay, I dated this guy for a year, and he became too clingy/jealous, so I broke it off with him. I loved him a lot (and I still do) but I just needed some space, ya know? We still talk and stuff, and we had some really great times when we were together. I still really care about him. He has a kind heart, and I think we might end up back together some day.

So the problem is that the other night, my friend invited me to stay the night with him. I have been close friends with this dude for about 3 years, and we've both been yearning for someone to snuggle up with lately... so I accepted. We stayed up all night kissing, talking, and snuggling, and it was a nice time BUT I'm just so confused. And he was trying to push it farther thatn I wanted to go, and was persistant about it. In the morning, after getting about 3 hours of sleep, he ran me a bath with bubbles. I thought that was nice. But I still love my ex, and he is coming over tonight when he gets off work. How am I going to look him in the eyes knowing that I hooked up with someone else? I know I would be hurt if he got with another girl, even though we are not together. I don't know how to react to this. For some reason I feel like I should not have opened the doors with my friend b/c we have about a 10 year age difference between us. I mean, I'm just starting college and stuff, and he's been married, been in the marines, and has a kid. He's a great guy and all, but I just don't know. Today I talked to my Aunt about it, and she said she thinks the age gap will cause a problem and that we will eventually realize that we have nothing in common. Also, she said she thinks his intentions with me are not "pure." So what do you guys think? I need some serious help fast!!!!!!!!1

Peace n Luv

mj

 

I would be most worried about the fact that you say your friend is married, yet persistently tried to push you past your comfort levels. A 10 year age difference, well, it depends on your guys' relative maturity levels. I'm a crotchety old woman at heart, so I usually date older than me (but I have a 10 year max, preferably under 8, but that's just me)

However, the first boy was too clingy for ya, and will probably only become increasingly clingy, especially the more you two break up and potentially get back together (my mom is currently having a problem with this type of guy, and he's verging on obsession so she had to just stop seeing him and all his close friends)

so, um, try and find a new boyfriend. Not to say you should stop loving your ex, but try and convert that more to a friendship thing than a relationship thing, I would say.

 

Well, you care about not hurting your ex. That is definitely one up from most.

 

My opinion, for what it's worth is to push back a little from the friend. Not be mean or anything like that, but not put yourself into situations where things can happen and/or progress. It sounds like you don't really want the relationship with him anyway, you yearn for your ex more.

Plus you need to take into consideration, that with your friend, he's had some experience with marriage and a child. Do you really want to get yourself involved in a mess with an ex-wive and a child who might be told to "hate" you? Coming from a broken home myself, I know that my parents have gone through some major messes dealing with exes and their children. I know I always hated the "other person", and that's a lot for you to be dealing with right now.

I'd say to stick with someone with a little less baggage.

Good luck.

 

my dad and my step mom are 12 years apart and the never stop arguing, one reason is because i was that extra child....trust me it doesnt work out for the best

because you will be bitter later on in your life thinking that you never had a chance to live the way you wanted and you will start to become angry towards your significant other more than you are in love with them..currently my dad and step mom are seperated trying to work things out between them...

if you feel so strong towards him then maybe it will work but from my standpoint it only makes the child angry and violent...