Anger, turned into rant about a friend

(I posted this in the random thoughts forum, but they suck for the majority of things)


Why are some people just filled with anger? I listen to the angriest music out there, have sick thoughts all the time, and yet I've been formulated to just keep my composure at all times. I get angry, but I don't really release it, and I'm fine with that. Sometimes I vent out when shit hits the fan, but I've never really done anything to hurt anyone under my worst times. My friend is probably the most rage filled person. There are a lot of psychological issues he has to deal with, being raised in a broken home with an alcoholic father and a mother who committed suicide when he was young, but his older sister is one of the most nice and compassionate people I've ever met. His younger brother is probably the most fucked up out of all of them, but I think that's because he started smoking weed at a very young age by my standards anyway.

He is a pseudo-gangster, so that may be one of the problems. Constantly listening to rap(not saying theres anything wrong with it, I listen to it myself, but you can't let it get to your head especially when your a tiny white boy), he is always talking about beating the shit out of people to solve your problems. He gets mad at the littlest things and starts shaking and yelling and it is so ridiculous. He got arrested for spazzing out on his little brother and all of his neighbors because he did something so trivial as take his mini electric motorcycle without his permission. Even when I got the shit beaten out of me a few days ago for no reason at all, I had to hold him back from going and doing something incredibly stupid. I'm supposed to be the angry person in that case, but I was just looking to another day to solve this.

I feel bad for him because I've known him since 6th grade and he used to be this smart little kid who just fucked up severely down the road. I wish there was something I could do to help him, and I've tried to guide him down the paths of life, but it never worked, not once. I feel like one of these days hes going to do something to get me in trouble, which could be completely avoided, but I almost feel as if he needs me there as a role model. Maybe I am sounding a bit self-righteous, but I truly believe that the way I think and live would make a lot of people's lives better.

His life is literally going no where. He basically dropped out of school, getting an appeal freshman year, and not finishing sophomore and junior year. He lives his life on the principle that we are all going to die in 2012, and that is a really pessimistic and destructive way to live. I can see the good in his heart, but it has been covered by a black veil. His dreams have gone from going to UConn after high school, to going to community college, to going to the army, to not giving a fuck until 2012, which is too late. Its like the only important thing to him is the present, and he doesn't see the future, which has been proved time and time again, doesn't work. His only desire in life is to get as "fucked up" as possible.

I guess thats the end of my rant. I've just had this on my mind for a while and needed to get it off my chest. I don't have any brothers or sisters, barely any cousins, and a few aunts and uncles which I rarely keep in touch with. My two dear loves in this world are my parents and my friends, and I just hate to see shit turn so sour.

 

don't let joker man find out you posted this thread twice..

onto your post, i feel for you man. i had a friend just like yours. he used to be one of the smartest people i knew (he still is, but he just doesn't give a fuck now). anytime i tried to confront him about how much he was fucking up his life, he'd just get even more pissed. i eventually stopped trying. now he's in jail for breaking into people's houses and cars. :-\

 

too late =(

 

haha why?

 

haha he just got on to me for posting my thread about poppy seeds in this forum and the opiates forum.

 

You really seem to have your shit together... especially at your age and this is NOT a knock on 17 year olds.

Your buddy is a follower... and lacks self discipline. Anger issues almost always boil down to an unwillingness to control behavior- usually because it has been allowed to go out of control. Like an alcoholic, a person with anger problems likely has people near him or her that make excuses for the behavior and cover up the basic fact that they simply haven't grown up enough to reign in their impulsive anger- they are like a spoiled brat... a little kid who has learned that bad behavior causes people to relent- rewarding it instead of calling them on their bullshit.

Distancing yourself from this may be your best option but if you have a level of concern for your friend the thing you might be able to do is simply call him on the BS... could result in a short term falling out-- be prepared for that but in the long run you'll be doing him a HUGE favor simply by forcing him to confront his own behavior and ensuring that there is a price for not showing some self discipline and maturity. He may end up respecting you simply for not allowing him to walk over you.

Oh, by the way, Random Thoughts is where any good discussion dies an unnatural and quick death.

 

If I recall correctly, you didn't say that you've confronted him on it, correct?

If not, that's the first thing you should do.

Secondly, take a step back and ensure that you're living a good model lifestyle, because if you're partaking in the same negative activities as he, it's going to make any futile attempts he would make at recovery essentially useless. He's not going to be able to escape when he has others that keep dragging him back.

 

stinkfoot that seems like the right plan to go buy right now


and wiseman, while I am living a model lifetsyle, I'm still drinking and smoking but I've completely stopped doing any other drugs and have stopped him from doing them a few times. i honestly think i'm the best person in his life right now, besides his sister.

 

I am relaxed

 

Yeah, and I'm going to go off of what Stinkfoot said, also....

You're going to have to make a difficult decision. You need to choose whether your friend really still means enough to you that you'll go through the trouble, and risk losing what you have to save him from where he's headed. Or, you can write him off as a lost cause. Because you have to realize associating with him can very likely have a negative impact upon your future.

It's entirely your choice to make...

About your lifestyle, I'm glad you made the choice to stay clean, (for whatever reason). If you're one of the best people in his life, and you do decide to stick with him, maybe you just need to ensure that you spend a lot more time with him, and sorta try and get him back on track.

Maybe see if he can come live with you for a while, in the case that you think his dad and his alcoholism is strongly affecting your friend. Possibly separating him from that problem may help a little bit.

 

oooooh got it haha.

 

Now that I put it into perspective, I feel as if it is a lost cause. Maybe things will start getting better for him because he is done chillin with this girl(which he spends the majority of his time with) who was REAL bad news, which I saw from the beginning, and informed him about it, long story short I was right. I try spending a lot of time with him because I know that when hes with me we usually aren't doing stupid shit, except for when we are drunk but even then I know my limits of stupidity. I think a different place to live would be best for him at this point, but theres really no where for him to go. I wouldn't be able to take his shit for more than a week most likely, and my parents don't really know anything about whats going on in his life. All they know is that he got arrested twice, once with me, once by his self and that he lives in an unstable household. They still think he is the same person from 7th grade.

 

It's my opinion that nobody should be written off as a complete lost cause. I'd say there's always hope, even if it doesn't seem like it.

You're probably right, in the case that he stays away from this girl. I can speak from personal experience that girls can lead you to become someone you are not, or even someone who you really don't like.

Yeah, I don't know your parents. I know for a fact that my parents wouldn't let me have a friend stay over for a while, even if they were having problems at home.

But possibly have your friend over and sit down with your parents and just explain that he doesn't have a good home life, and that you think bringing him into a different environment may help him monumentally. And just do it for like a week or two, seeing as you're unsure whether or not you'll be able to cope with him for too long.

 

He won't be up for it. He hasn't come over my house in months because he is overly paranoid that my parents are out for his head, which is the complete opposite of the truth. He was even supposed to come on vacation with me, all expenses paid, but he has court the day before we come back. My dad said he should have his dad call the court and have the date changed because he had a previous commitment, but when I asked him about it, he said his dad said no, without even asking his dad to call the court.

 

Just drag his sorry butt over to your house then, and get your parents to explain that they aren't out to get him, and everything. Just explain that this may be his last chance at getting off the road to failure.

And if he won't make the right decision, do so for him.

 

I feel like him living at my house for any period of time besides forever will just bring him back down to where he started, because his dad has no concern for what he does whatsoever. We come home shitfaced at any hour of the night and he says nothing. And when he goes back, thats what he will continue to do. He has to go for a psychological exam when he goes back to court, but I think that will just fuck him over in the long run.

 

I mean, like, I see what you mean. But I kinda think that him living with you guys would sorta give your friend the opportunity to see what life can/should be like. Almost open his eyes to how things should be, and help him realize that there's a good reason not to live your life 'messed up'.

 

I definitely dig that, but I don't think he'd be able to cope with it. When I say all he does is get fucked up, I MEAN all he does is get fucked up. I can't remember a time chilling with him when we didn't smoke weed or drink, and every time we are together and just hanging out without weed or we are waiting on it, its real depressing and boring because all we do is sit there and go "man i need some bud", and if I sleep over his house, he will usually tell me to go home if theres no weed to be smoked. That doesn't happen with anyone else I know.

 

Wow Sorry Man.

 

Yeahhh, that's pretty unusual. You shouldn't be thrown out when the stash runs dry....

Hmmm. I'm not sure. I think that you should give it a try. Yes, it'll be quite the 'experience', seeing as he's always messed up.

Or you could get ahold of some strong psychedelics. Maybe he needs a religious intervention. DMT anyone???