Is pornography beneficial or detrimental to a relationship?

Agreed. I actually have first hand experience to know that hang ups (in my case bad experiences) can dampen certain things. I'm head over heels with my boy now though, and he's eased me out a lot when it comes to the things I wasn't sure I'd ever enjoy again. It's still hard though, it's near impossible to overcome bad experiences completely.

So yes, good point. Also a bit more persuasion for the argument that being with the 'right' person can boarden horizons.

 

First, to be clear, I think that whether or not porn has a positive or negative effect on a RELATIONSHIP is purely based on how well the individuals in the relationship respect eachother's boundaries on the subject, wherever those may lie. What it does to those in the industry is not what we were talking about.

Anyway, some people would surely come up with money shots, humiliation, extreme pain and whatever else on there own. However, I would say that most people who experiment with fringe activities at least had these seeds planted in their heads by media and a culture that is more and more permeated by the influences of sex. I think that it is pretty obvious that porn and all sexuality are becoming more mainstream, which I think is largely good. On the otherhand, I think it can lead to some pressures to experiment with things one partner might not be okay with. So, in the end, it all comes down to what I said in the first paragraph.

And, no, I wasn't trying to be anti-porn in any way. I was just trying to explain I can see pornography can driving a wedge inbetween a relationship if the partners are not careful with eachother.

 

Somewhat. I do agree with you to some extent, but there's more factors than that. It's partly down to having a mutual respect for boudaries but by saying that you could be saying that it's solidly down to a respect for your partners limits. It's also down to you and your partners dislikes, likes and fantasies and it's down to your closesness, trust and security with your partner. If you are in a close, trusting and secure relationship you may me more open and at ease when it comes to the perceptions of new ideas or things that may otherwise be out or your comfort zone.

I definitely agree with what you say to some extent. I think that some kinks in porn have been showcased and appreciated and highlight a will to try something out. One of my closest male friends told me how he watched a porno where a guy kept spitting at a girl and it was something he discovered he liked. The next girl he slept with he continually spat at-poor thing!

But I personally don't think that porn is as influential as you do. I would say that most people would come up with humiliation and pain etc on their own. People don't turn to S&M because they accidentally found it on the internet. They use a search engine to look for that kind of stuff. They already know that that's what they like.

I don't watch porn, I've never had much appreciation for it- Yet I have a hot, healthy sex life that was never directly inspired by porn in the slightest.

 

Dollyfizz got what I'm saying. No need for me to repeat =)

 

Possibly, the extent to which I think porn impacts relationships, both good and bad, has been interpreted as being greater than I think it truly is.

When talking about relationships which have been noticeably affected by porn, I think its a rather small percentage of all relationships. The statements about how I can see porn helping and hurting a relationship refer to couples on the ends of the bell curve. For most couples, I think porn elicits little more than a giggle or a disapproving eye roll.

And my conception of respecting boundaries incorporates all the aspects of a relationship that you feel are components of whether or not porn is a +/- issue.

Anyway, I think my position was misinterpretted to some degree on this thread. THe internet can do that. I actually think that we see farily eye to eye on the subject.

 

Obviously it depends on the couple. My husband and I are pretty opened minded so I find porn is usually a good thing for us. A great example was yesterday. We spent from 4:30 to 1am looking at porn, playing sex type games, making love (4 times...lol), and just generally enjoying each other's sexuality. But as always too much of a good thing can be bad. If I couldn't get laid with out him watching porn then we'd have a problem. It's about balance ya know? -Damn do I sound like a libra or what

 

Wow, don't wear out yer parts!

I once spent a whole day with my cousin and we fucked five times, prolly because of the novelty of doing each other. (Second cousins - wasn't really incest but fun to think it was) We stopped when we both realized it hurt to do it any more. (Don't know how those busy hookers do it)

Oh, we didn't use porn. Just got excited about fucking after sharing our innocent childhood in summer visits.

 

Yeah I am a wee bit sore today but it was soooo worth it!

 

Sorry for being fussy, I'm not trying to be. But wasn't it you that made that interpretation? See here;

I'm not sure. Since you say 'media and a culture that is more and more permeated by the influences of sex' I don't really know what that could mean. My initial thought is porn, but since you don't mention that word, maybe you're talking about something else? Whatever it is though, it's not mainstream and it'll be something underground.

Again, I don't want to be picky but when you said 'most people who experiment with fringe activities..' I read it for what it said. Most people! Now it's just a small percentage?

Boundary = Limit/border. Boundaries are what you will and won't do, how far you'll go. Likes and dislikes, love, fantasies etc. are something different. A relationship isn't based on boundaries.

I didn't feel like we saw eye to eye on the subject at all. I'm left a bit confused though, if I'm honest. Oh well. You have to end a conversation somewhere!

 

For the record - it's easy to blame miscommunication on the others - or on the form you were using to communicate, but whose responsibility is it to get their message out correctly?
Sometimes people just don't see eye to eye - but is this the case here?

Media is by the people. Those thoughts didn't just show up on film - someone thought them up. I think it's rather false to blame anything directly on the media - as it is a human creation built by human thoughts.

 

I mentioned previously in this thread that I had an ex who was very into porn. We still get along great, and while talking to him lately we got to talking about the subject of porn and mentioned Shasha Grey. He absolutely loves her. I always thought I was open minded, but I found myself really angry about it. Of course it's none of my business now, nor is it something I have expected or wanted to have control of (over his tates) when it came to porn during our relationship. However, this is something that would have bothered me at the time, especially since it bothers me even now. Here's where the respects for boundaries thing comes into play.

 

I wouldn't respect such a "boundary", personally.
It's up for two people to decide what their rules and limits are, but I tend to only fill the logical and fair ones - and I really don't see that as being fair, or logical. It'd be like telling my girl she shouldn't listen to certain music, because she listens to some of that nasty emo shit - and I hate it and it hurts my ears.
There are things that need to be shared in a relationship, there are other things that don't. I think one of the most important things to share is a respect for each other's individuality.
Why did this Shasha Grey bother you so much? (And do you mean Sasha Grey? I didn't want to assume and there are a lot of porn people out there =P)

 

Haha, I did mean Sasha Grey. I didn't even notice my typo or I'd have corrected it right away. And I guess I could have said 'respect (or lack of) for boundaries'. She's seriously filthy. That's fine though, since I'm not forced to look at her or anything. Perhaps she bothers me so much because I started a new pill a little while ago and I'm a little hormonal, who knows?! I'm generally very open minded. I was saying earlier on though that his love of porn never bothered me during our relationship, and it wasn't something that I wanted to share with him. It just so happens to be something I still don't want to hear about. There's a lot of porn that I wouldn't have batted an eyelid at had I walked in whilst he was having a session, but I never considered how I'd feel if it was something that I considered to be inappropriately disgusting. But then some of the things I've recently learned that people are into are things that never ever crossed my mind. We're all different in our ways. I think this is just something small I wanted to add to my opinion. Although it can totally depend on the type of porn appreciated.

 

What's so filthy about her? *shrug*

 

Only the things she does. I'm not being personal or factual about it. Although Sasha Grey is the first to admit to having a sick perverted mind. I'm just opinionated. But licking a dirty toilet isn't my idea of sexy.

 

Ahah, I've never seen her do anything that crazy - but I'd agree. Still, it's your partner's prerogative to like what they like.

 

Yeah, there's some weird shit out there. And it all comes under the banner "Porno."

Again, we have to perhaps limit our definition of porno. I like watching cock go in and out of (pick an orifice). I like watching tongues licking (pick a body part) I like to watch ppl sucking (pick a body part) and kissing/tonguing (pick a body part or orfice).

See that is the porno I thought we were discussing and that is the porno that I watch and my wife and I used to watch and fuck/suck/lick/tongue together.

 

Yep, it is. And it's also a perogative to dislike it

 

"I'm not sure. Since you say 'media and a culture that is more and more permeated by the influences of sex' I don't really know what that could mean. My initial thought is porn, but since you don't mention that word, maybe you're talking about something else? Whatever it is though, it's not mainstream and it'll be something underground."

You don't think that media is increasingly perrmeated by sex? The acceptability of sexuality in all aspects of media, shows, tv, writing, etc. are, in my experiences more acceptable than they were in the past. Keep in mind that it used to be improper to show a bedroom with a single bed in it because it implied sex; I think sex has come a long ways in teerms of acceptability in all aspects of culture.


"Again, I don't want to be picky but when you said 'most people who experiment with fringe activities..' I read it for what it said. Most people! Now it's just a small percentage?"

I do believe that most people who experiment with fringe activity get some sort of inspiration from porn. Sure, these people have tendencies toward what they practice, but I also believe the large body of information/ideas and tintalization that porn offers helps these people take their desires to a further extent.

NOTE, that I said most people who participate in fringe activities probably get encouragement of some form from porn. The number of people who actually participate in fringe acitvities versus those who watch porn is small. That was the point trying ot be made about the extent to which porn influence relationships; most relationships aren't affected by porn. The small percentage of relationships actually affected by porn can benefit from porn because it helps them realize their fantasies or hurt by porn because boundaries are not respected.


"Boundary = Limit/border. Boundaries are what you will and won't do, how far you'll go. Likes and dislikes, love, fantasies etc. are something different. A relationship isn't based on boundaries."
Pushing boundaries creates growth. Crossing boundaries creates damage. The boundaries of my likes and dislikes, love, fantasies etc can all be pushed or crossed.

"I didn't feel like we saw eye to eye on the subject at all. I'm left a bit confused though, if I'm honest. Oh well. You have to end a conversation somewhere!"
OKAY.

 

Haha, that's the type of porno I thought we were discussing too. In fact it really is the type of porn we were discussing. Until Sasha Grey showed me how to lick a dirty toilet, how to gag on a cock until she puked, how to be used as a toilet and how to not only drink urine but to drink enemas too. The porn I think of is typical dirty shagging, sex, oral, fumbling, 3 somes etc. basically hightened sex played out on tape. I wouldn't bat an eyelid at what I consider to be your average porn-fuck.

You're on it when you say there's some weird shit out there. Everything I listed is beyond extreme for me, and completely and utterly put me off.

I liked thinking I was a bit naughty in the bedroom. But I'm an angel.