Joke of the day

I've been sleeping! Haha. I just woke up like an hour and a half ago. Its around 10:00 in the morning over here.

 

Here is a mildly funny one

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is okay. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replied that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said....,


'FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS'

 

There's a blonde on one side of a river and a redhead on the other side. The redhead calls out to the blonde, "hey, how do you get to the other side of the river?" and the blonde says back "you are on the other side silly"

 

that was a good one. Depending on how serious she was when she said that, its actually pretty clever.

 

Mr Smith was in hospital with an oxygen mask covering his face. he says
"Nurse! Are my testicles black?"
Nurse says "I'm sure they're fine Mr Smith"
Ten mins later Mr Smith calls the nurse. "Nurse are my testicles black?"
Again the nurse says I'm sure they're fine Mr Smith. Another 10 mins goes by and Mr Smith calls the nurse again.
"Nurse! Are my testicles black, please have a look"
The nurse pulls down the bedclothes, pulls down the front of his pj's has a good look and a good feel around, then says "No Mr Smith! They are fine"
Mr Smith takes off the oxygen mask and gasps "That was really great nurse, thank you. BUT ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?"

 

ohh..

i hate bein in a different timezone than everyone

 

A husband and wife just moved into a new house and they are cleaning up the attic for storage when they noticed some thing in the corner. The wife walks over to it and notices it's a lantern. She rubs the side of it and jokes to her husband how it'd be cool if a genie came out. No such luck. A few hours later they're unpacking still and they hear a knock at the door. They answer it and there's a man standing there:
Husband: "Hello"

Man: "Hello, I'm a genie. You found my lamp and I'm hear to grant you three wishes. Although there's a catch, the last wish is mine, and if it doesn't come true neither will yours."

Wife: "Alright, seems fair. I wish to look as young and pretty as I did when I was in my twenties."

Man: "Okay, what about you sir?"

Husband: "I wish to have enough money so that I'll never have to work again."

Man: "Seems resonable...so, now is my wish. I wish to have sex with your wife."

The husband and wife look at each other for a moment.

Wife: "Okay, then we're granted our wishes right?"

Man: "Yes"

The man and wife go upstairs to the bedroom for a good hour then return to where the husband is unpacking.

Man: "So, how old are you both, if you don't mind me asking?"

Husband: "Well, I'm 53 and my wife is 48."

Man: "Uh huh......and you still believe in genies?"