Joke of the day

I love humour and jokes. So everyday I will post a joke or two. Laughter is the best medicine after all. Feel free to post any you have as well. Peace


A 16 year old girl comes home from school one day and sits down beside her mother on the couch.

Girl: "mom I have something to tell you.....I've been seeing somebody and it's starting to get serious."

Mom: "Oh honey, I'm glad you came to talk to me about it. Listen I just want you to know what happens between you two is personal between you two. Just promise me you'll always use protection. Condoms are the safest option. If you ever need any just ask...so when can I meet the lucky guy?"

Girl starts to laugh: "On no, mom it's okay...I'm dating a girl."

 

Hahaha. I like that one

I have a couple of really corny jokes, but they make me laugh

"When is a door not a door?"
"When it's ajar"

"When is a car not a car?"
"When it's turning into a driveway."

 

Little 7 year old Johnny got a P.A day from school so he's at home with his mother. Johnny tells her he's bored so she suggests he go across the street and watch the men who are building a new house, "maybe you'll learn something." she says. So Johnny goes across the street and after a few hours he comes back.

Mom: "so...did you learn anything John?"

Johnny: "yep...first you put the cocksucker up. Then put a fuckin shim in the side to keep it in place. Then it doesn't fit so you have to shave a **** hair off the side of it."

Mom: "WHAT?! John thats terrible language! Go to your room, you just wait till your father hears about this."

An hour later Johnny's father comes home.

Mom: "John, tell your father what you learned!"

Johnny: "first you put the cocksucker up. Then put a fuckin shim in the side to keep it in place. Then it doesn't fit so you have to shave a **** hair off the side of it."

Father: " Fuckin eh! That's my boy!"

 

lunaverse :rofl: :rofl:

i love laughing i always laugh.. way to easy.. keep the jokes flowing

 

Hahahaha. That was kind of dirty. :biggrin:

Wife: "There are only two things I can cook, meatloaf, and fruit cake"
Husband: "So which one is this?"

 

Husband and wife are at a birthing class one evening. They're expecting their first child. At the end of the class:

Instructor: "Don't forget ladies it's important that you still get an adequate amount of exercise on a daily basis. And husbands, don't forget, you can always get out there with your wives too. Doing it together really helps with bonding."

The woman's husband asks: "Is it alright if while we're exercising she carries a set of clubs?...That's still bonding right?"

 

Ah well that pretty much does it for my jokes, unless we want to start with dead baby jokes....

 

yea, lol I have a plethora of 'other' jokes that'll probably never be seen here.

 

:iagree:

 

:rofl:

i start laughin even before i finish the joke cause im just waitin for the punch line :rofl:

 

One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon.
He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship."
As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft.
Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the top of the wet suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blond!
She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar?"
"Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman.
With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter.
He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag. "Faith and begorrah," said the castaway, "that is so good! I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Bushmill's Irish Whiskey?" asked the blond .
Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."
Hearing that, the blond reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him.
He opened the flask and took a long drink. " 'Tis nectar of the gods!" shouted the Irishman. " 'Tis truly fantastic!!!"
At this point the gorgeous blond started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there too!"

Peace

 

All of those jokes are shitty.

I don't like jokes, I think that they are a very low and dumb form of humor... but here is one that always gets me:



A man was walking, walking, walking... he got tired... so he started running.


Another one:


A man was walking, walking, walking... and then he suddenly fell in a hole... so he got a ladder and climbed out.

 

:rofl: You're my soulmate.

 

:rofl:

:rofl:

soulmate wifey

 

I've only ever known one person who didn't like jokes, she was an alcoholic who shit herself on a weekly basis, smoked two packs a day, believed the holocaust never happened (she was german/polish) and the only time she ever did laugh was when she would watch the evening news and see footage of the war in Iraq. I kid you not

 

These two polish guys are riding in a helicopter.

Guy: "hey eddy, can you turn off that big fan above us? I'm getting cold."

 

for a second i didnt get it .. now i do lol

i even laughed a little at BSR's jokes :rofl:

 

There are a dozen smarter forms of humor than the repetition of dumb jokes someone else has invented.

 

:smilielol5: Me too.

And me too.

Edit:

I agree that random, subtle humour is awesome.

 

Something must be seriously wrong with you.