We all need some sort of validation, be it from others, ourselves, through our success or actions, and so on. Validation can be gained in many ways, and for many things. I'd like to talk about this need of ours. What are your thoughts? How do you validate yourself, or what makes you feel validated?
I don't validate myself, or really allow anyone else to validate me. I just exist, and do as I please, no matter what anyone thinks or does. :biggrin:
A need for outside validation suggests self esteem issues. If I find myself "needing" validation my first instinct is to ask myself why.
well most of the times i really am trying to be nihilistic as possible and not to care so much about what others think or what it should be and stuff like that. for a lot of things i succeed and for a lot more i don`t. i don`t know how i validate myself. i always want ot be more form this and less from that...and i am never really satisfied with myself. but like i said sometimes i just don`t give a fuck about anything and that`s the time when i manage to have the greatest fun.
Validation doesn't have to be an external thing. You can validate yourself, through thought or action, for example.
Upon further reflection, I guess what I'm trying to ask here could have been worded in a lot of ways. Like, what makes you happy? What makes you feel significant, worth something? What affirms, to you, who you are? What makes you feel accomplished? And so on.. For example, achievements, success, learning, acceptance, generosity, and so on..
I suppose maybe I fibbed a bit in my first post, trying to seem better than I am. I am actually extremely codependent, but only on one person at a time. Even still, I don't feel like he validates me. I just enjoy being around him.
I tend to assume that's the case with most everyone who says interpersonal validation is not important at all to them. We're social beings ----> biologically. There are important bio-chemical processes in our brain that depend on social approval, touch, etc. The whole be happy-with-yourself-alone-and-don't-give-a-shit-about-what-nobody-else-thinks thing strikes me as bitter, lonely, and insecure. And I can't help to tie it to the privatized mode of production. That being said, I do feel my life gets increasingly rewarding as I act upon not my need for external validation (be it success or approval), but upon what feels natural to me. Validation tends to come on its own. It's insecure to say one has no insecurities, and our greatest insecurities are the ones we don't acknowledge, IMO.
Agreed. A lot of the time, the point at which I'm not seeking validation is the point at which I get it. When I'm just doing things for my own reasons, and not to impress anyone else, or seek their approval directly, people seem to appreciate me more for being who I am.
