Breakup: I asked for my condoms back.

This is my first post in quite a while, but I figured I could get some feedback here.

So, here's the deal. I go to college about 9 hours away from my hometown. I came home to visit my family for the summer, and I ran into an old acquaintance at this bar we both frequent. We started talking, going out on dates and then one night, we had sex.

He is only my second partner, and the first guy I slept with left me with a broken heart. I was trying to be cautious this time, but I said the wrong thing. After we were done, I said something along the lines of "I can't believe we just did that. I hope it wasn't a mistake."

So he acted normal for a while, but then became distant. He told me today that the reason why is that he just couldn't let it go that I had called him a mistake. Fine.

But about a week ago, I went over to his house to talk, and he gives me the classic script, "I don't need a girlfriend right now." I said fine, and left. But when I got to my car, I remembered that I had bought a box of condoms and they were in his house. So I went back and knocked on the door and asked for them back. I said, "I might need them, and I don't want you using them with someone else."

He gave them back, but he told me that he told all of his friends (many of which I know) the story, and they all said that I was crazy and told him to get the hell away from me ASAP. He said he even told the bartender of our favorite bar, and she told him that I'm a nut job. I feel weird to even go in there now.

Was I "crazy" or wrong to ask for them back?

 

Pretty crazy if you ask me. You made him feel like a "mistake" after sleeping with him. You claim to be unsure about having other partners cause of a bad break up, but you went to his door to ask for condoms back incase you need to use them.

Get over the past bad breakup and this one fast....

 

haha awesome.. no i dont think u were wrong to ask for them back at all..i mean you wanted them back so u got them..its as easy as that..
i think he just felt kind of dissed you know, and said that so that u would feel bad..he sounds kind of childish and i think u'll be much better off without him..
never feel bad about doing what you felt was right because if u hadn't done it you'd just be irritated with yourself or wondering..

peace

 

I think its the "I dont want you using them with someone else" part that makes you sound crazy. What the?

 

Why did you tell him that you didn't want him to use the condoms with someone else?

It just seems odd, since you went back and got them so that you could use them with someone else.

I suppose a cool thing to do would have been to sit down and split them up with him.

I wouldn't worry about it, though.

 

im a fan of clear and honest communication. if you realized you said the wrong thing after sex, you ought to have let him know that. not that i think you nessesarily said the wrong thing, just that it was left open for him to take the wrong way. he's only reacted to a misunderstanding. it was his reaction (not the best) and your miscommunication that have left things uncomforable. nobodies fault... both your faults. life goes on.

 

thats actually the most rational part of the whole story to me..
its a lil weird of u to go back and ask for the condoms, right, but the fact that u did that because u didnt want him to use them with other pple is not that crazy imo. no matter what happened between u guys, its never nice to think that your exes will have an awesome sex life without u after u're gone

 

it seems petty and desperate to ask for them back, but i aint' judgin, ive done worse....much much worse

its all good sweetie who gives a fuck what his loser friends think, if you really wanna get him back....well, let me know first i'm a vengeful bitch full of creativity, its a horrible combination

 

crazy? no. odd, yes.... honestly if somethings under $20 its not really worth asking to get back post-breakup, imho

 

You are so right on this. He swears that I openly called him a mistake, but that's not what I remember saying.

Maybe the whole condom thing was petty. And I'll even admit slightly out of spite. Maybe I should have let it go... I just didn't really have peace of mind about leaving them there.

 

I didn't mean to make him feel like a mistake. I understand why he felt that way, but he kept sleeping with me for a few weeks after that, and I didn't feel nervous about it in the end because I thought he acted like he was really into me, and I thought he wouldn't break my heart.

I didn't really want them back to use with another person. I just said that out of anger at the time. I will probably honestly just throw them away at this point.

*sigh*

 

He over-reacted due to his own insecurities. It's a shame you two couldn't talk it out.

 

I tried to have a heart to heart with him, but he wouldn't really hear it. He said I ruined it all by what I said, and it could never be the same. Now, he needs his "space."

 

Yeah, because what mattered wasn't what you'd said, but what you'd said made him think to himself. Once that thought popped into his head, there was nothing you could do. And he thinks that by getting rid of you, he'll get rid of that thought-- but, of course, he's wrong.

What he thought had almost nothing to do with what you said.

You're better off. He's got some issues to work through. Not that you don't, but no woman can do much for a man in that kinda condition.

 

Thank you so much for your encouragenemt, standing! It's amazing what one day can do. Today, I feel so much better. It bothered me at first, but he's not gonna steal the smile off of this face anymore. *cyber hugs* !!!

 

You were emotional at the time, I'm sure, regardless of whether or not you want to admit it. Saying you want the condoms back because you don't want him using them with someone else....it's not CRAZY, but it's something you should keep to yourself when asking for something like that. It wouldn't have been too weird if you would have asked when you were already there, but that you went BACK for them...also strange.

Just try to be more in-control of your emotions and feelings next time. There's absolutely NOTHING crazy about you, though.

 

i hate in when chicks want sex--then get totally freaked about it--like imm just a slut shit like that---get over it sex is good for male and female--and quit scaring me lke tht--it was consunsual so wats the trip?

 

It doesn't seem so crazy to me. More funny than crazy.

What does seem bad is that he tells everyone about it, and then tells you that they all thought you were crazy. Seems like a shitty thing to do.

 

Hey, you paid for them. They're yours!

 

If you thought that it might be a mistake you shouldn't have slept with him in the first place. However if you're telling the truth about what he said to others he imo was out of line. To tell your friends is one thing, anyone would have told their friends what you said. But to tell the bartender, thats not right in regards to your privacy. My advice, don't ever talk to him again, don't bring it up with mutal friends, and make like it didn't happen and move on with your life. Also if it bothers you that much, find a new bar. After all, they do all serve booze. Considering you've only had two partners I'd also suggest you think a lot about sleeping with someone before you do it in the future. Also maybe don't do it with someone you met in a bar if you're worried it might be a mistake later.