My male friend started dating a guy

He told me a while ago he was bi and I thought it was great and that he was open about it. Today over the phone he told me a guy gave him his number and it's been pretty great. My mind drew a blank and I was emotionally vacant; my mind hadn't ever processed it before. I was glad he was actualizing and that he's enjoying it. But I was just surprised, not too much since I knew of his orientation. Mostly it was just hard to know how to express my approval since although I've always been a gay rights supporter I haven't actually had any close male friends date guys, so it was new.

I just said it was cool but I didn't know how else to say I approve without sounding weird. It was hard to know his state of mind in telling me, or whether there was any different state of mind. When I said the word "cool" I put an upward inflection at the end instead of a normal, downward one, which might have sounded weird.

Anyway although no one here knows this person, I was wondering if I should text him and just say I was surprised but I think it's great, or should I just let it go and maybe next time we talk I can express my approval better?

I know everyone's going to be different in their sexual actualization, but are there any common principles I should be aware of?

 

First off he had to have had a lot of faith in you as a friend to come out to you and from the sound of your post he was right. Good for both of you on that count. Guess I'd just treat his date as you would any other friends date. Ask if he had a good time, was the guy decent, someone he'll want to see again, whatever kind of questions you'd ask if he were dating a woman.

It's pretty cool of you to recognize the real world test of your values... Yeah it's one thing to say in the abstract I support (whatever) and then quite another when (whatever) lands in your backyard. Just treat him as the friend he's always been. If there comes a time where it feels OK to talk or ask him about his experience then do so. It's new to you and he'll probably feel OK to discuss it with you. Just my thoughts on the matter...opinions may differ.

 

Are you a dude or a dudette?

Express your approval? What the?

Listen to yourself - I dont say that to sound snotty, you sound like a cool friend - but listen to what you are actually saying. If he was dating a girl you thought was a complete bitch you wouldnt have to or want to approve. Whether the guy he's dating is a good match for him a guy or one thats not going to fuck him over comes before orientation. Dont fall into the trap of feeling you have to approve cos of PC nonsense if you think the guy he is dating is a complete tool.

Whether you or anyone else approves or not he is still going to date who he wants to date, if anyone doesnt approve then he's just going to cut them off

 

I agree, treat it like any other date...the way to get past the "weirdness" of it is to treat it as it is normal - because it is going to become normal if it isn't already.

 

haha I know how I sounded and that it's ridiculous. I'ma dude sorry shoulda said that. It wasn't so much expressing my approval as making sure he knew I wasn't weird about it, since I didn't know how he felt about telling me. I thought about my own personal reaction and about posting the question here, and Vanilla your post is partially what I expected. I promise I know what you're saying.

My main point is that I don't know how it is to come out, especially how a person feels in doing so. If he had any reservations about telling me I wouldnt want to flame them by acting in a certain way that he perceived.

I was trying to understand a little bit of the position of coming out and dating, if in fact there are any universally common things to be aware of. If there aren't any I'd want to know that too.

thanks yarapario, now that the suprise element is gone I have pretty normal questions similar to what you described. Such as how the vibe started, how the guy knew to ask for his number, and what the guy is like because the friend of mine has always been a highly intelligent, antisocial and complex fellow and if he found someone that he likes, I'm interested in knowing about that person. I'll just wait till we talk again and ask.

 

There's always going to be some kind of tension with any of your friends and their significant others.

Another of your male friends dates a girl thats hot and you wanna bang, your going to be uncomfortable. Another of your male friends dates a girl that isnt so much, and she seems more into you than that friend, that guy is going to get pissed off with you

Your gay friend dates a guy thats hot, makes your girlfriend just think of pork swords. He dates a guy thats not so much to look at, you're a bit, oooh, I dont wanna think of them doing it.

Everyones ranking and then libido come before orientation, even the straightest guy would rather see Ricky Martin naked than Elton John.

 

lol, agreed.

for example, I'd rather watch a porn with Peter North than with Ron jeremy

 

Let me just offer you this peace of advice my boy..
The bond between my bestfriend(male) and I is UNBRAKEABLE. For one reason and one reason only: we tell eachother EVERYTHING. Every thought, every emotion, and even physical feelings. That is the perfect way to keep a bond between a friend true and honest. We know what is going on in eachothers mind at all times so we dont have to be guessing how one of us is feeling. Ofcourse, its easier said than done, it took us a while. A step at a time, express your feelings and what you think more often.
Just let him know how you feel, dont be afraid to sound stupid. He's your friend. By the sounds of the situation and how you explain it, you sound like a great guy

 

good perspective, stayhigh

"don't be afraid to sound stupid." brilliant piece of advice