I don't like to rant too often, but I do feel as if I will explode if I don't at least type some of this down. Excuse me, in advance if I digress, or this all seem's everywhere. I may get carried away. I just need to talk about my parent's for a bit. It’s difficult to be honest about this sort of thing because in cold print I feel when I express it, it sound's egotistical to my eyes / ears. I want to unshackle myself from the self-effacement and melodrama, like I have already stopped crushing my own opinions, trying to appease my parent’s. Qualities that make determination and ambition tolerable. I believe we all have an essential self, but if you spend everyday chopping up meat on a slab, and selling it by the pound, soon you’ll find you’ve become a butcher, you’re going to have to cut right though to the bare bone’s of your own character in the hope of finding out who you really are. Which bloody hurts. “If it is meant to be, it is up to me,” as that saying goes. My dad recently quit his EHS job in mining after three years, and is going back to working on a Jumbo (big digging machine-thing). Only thing is, I encouraged him to go ahead and quit. My parent’s don’t get along (my dad’s thinking about leaving her). So, whenever my dad has problem’s, he’ll come to me. And whenever my mum has problems, she’ll come to me. They dont speak to each other, at all. I picked my dad up from the airport the other night, and when we got back home, she didn't even say hello. "Pass the sweet and sour sauce". There really isn’t any point in him going to work for a week, being miserable, and then coming home for a week and being miserable. Why should our parent’s problem’s involve us, unless they are directly related? It’s a good question. Shame that we may never know that answer for certain though. Seem’s most, if not all, of what is discussed in this house eventually lead’s to either dad or mum both griping about one another. And when that happens, one of them is invariably out of ear shot - Funny innit? You’d think they’d at least try and talk it out with each other, before involving the kids, eh? I think that it’s the scale of all of the B.S that the parent’s can put you through while you are trying to help that causes all of the problems, not just the nature of them. Excuses, excuses. Seem’s pretty childish to me. My dad’s a bit of a sporadic presence. He works in mining so his visit’s home have always been pretty scattered. Usually he’s a week on, and a week off. Sometimes a fortnight on and a week off. There was one point in his career where he was working in Indonesia for 10 weeks, and was home for 5 weeks. Still, he’s always been there. Albeit briefly. My beef, is mainly directed at my mum. I find it very difficult to categorize or understand the flow of her moods. She is very misanthropic, jealous of my relationship with my dad (yet, apparently wants nothing to do with him), and fundamentally spiteful towards him. Her parent’s were like this too, so I’ve come to the conclusion of ‘monkey see, monkey do’. I just don’t want them to be that couple sitting side by side at their 50th anniversary even though they haven’t shared a bed or barely spoke a word for 40 years. So far, they haven't slept in the same room for about 3-4 years. My mum is very OCD when it come’s to keeping herself busy. She has these pointless, hateful drills, like sanding down our wood dinner table, or rotating the lounge room at night because she cant sleep - lest the couch or TV should show some sign of the passing of time, or experience, or joy. I don’t feel like I should choose sides with my parents. I'm my own person, I deserve that right to say, “Hang on a minute, I don’t have to put up with this. I’m off. Cheque please!” It is hard to try and stay on both their good side’s but ultimately, my own happiness and peace of mind need’s to come first, right? I know that I could have landed myself with much tougher parent’s than I have now. But I do not think thatmeans that my problems are any less important than anyone else’s problems. Despite what some might think. What really gets under my skin, is if I do try and open up to people about my problems, all I receive back is that whole “Well my parents my ‘blah blah’. Your’s aren’t!” bullshit. It is not a competition, and when people do it, it makes you feel down-right insignificant. So far, I think I've decided how I should deal with this. I feel like a baby, really. I just thought I needed a well deserved rant for a second there. I'll probably regret typing anything in the morning!
I feel for you Nightrose. That post brought a tear to my eye (yes I know I'm pathetic). I've been there though. Keep ur head up .
In a similar situation as I said in chat. I hope it works out well for you. If you wanna talk about it, feel free to PM me or add me on MSN or something -Matt
That sounds completly bleh ... Worst yet its like clockwork, What will happen next? "/points to sheet over there". Personally Never been in this situation. Though am one to believe there is no point in the everlasting argument... Hateing me forever sounds like a boreing, misrable thing.. Not to mention a lot of work =P .. But with that way, I do not tend to balance between sides, rather I pick a side and work from there, Whether right/wrong at an extension of time it rather does nothing but get blurry and less meaningful. Don't get me wrong i know people who have decided to hate someone for thier entire life. One of which is my grandfather's son.. The gain of this however is absolutely nothing. No awards, no nothing. From what im reading in your situation though is, Nothing is replaceing everything else that you could be doing in order to enjoy your time. Like fun trips, Getting out, enjoying places ... It sucks your in the middle of it, but clearly this will remain constant otherwise. I would probably try to start picking their "issues" apart to show off no value. Then again that's my perspective on it. You know their reactions and the way they handle things. If you believe the flame will then become a forest fire going one route, it probably safe to not go that way. I'll get into trouble, but i know where its going to lead to. =P
