Things that have completely changed your life :

Becoming an Eagle Scout
MDMA
going to Funbunny (underground music venue) my freshman year
my first time listening to the following albums:
-Dark Side of the Moon
-2112
-The Velvet Underground and Nico

 

losing my virginity
joining the army
getting married
having a kid
getting out of the army
my husbands last and current deployment.

 

Birth of my son. Death of my dad.

 

-The birth of my brother
-Having an abusive baby sitter at age 4
-Having a verbally abusive teacher at age 7
-Moving to the little POS town I live in now, 15 miles away from my first home
-Having such wonderful teachers in my new elementary school
-My dad got laid off and my mom got deathly ill the same summer, age 9. I grew up IMMENSELY that summer. Way more than a 9 year old kid should have to.
-Mental meltdown at age 10
-My childhood best friend coming out as gay
-My first love profoundly changed my life
-Joining the speech and theatre teams in school really shaped me into the big ol' weirdo I am today. Or maybe I should say coaxed me to embrace my inner freak.
-Meeting Daniel and finding what I truly to be my soulmate
-My job at Dairy Queen, I have changed soooo much for the better
-The cops raiding our house, thinking we were massive drug dealers, and only finding a goddamned bud
-The death of my high school/after high school best friend

That's a long list, but that's it so far.

Edit- I forgot, pot really really really has helped change my life for the better. I'm able to handle stress a lot better, stoned or not, now that I've smoked. I don't feel crazy anymore and that's probably one of the most relieving feelings I have ever felt in my life.

 

Watching grandma die.
Realizing I was smarter than my father
Epilepsy
Finding out I'm ans Aspie
Finding out that it's not that "I don't wanna go to school today" it's that I am chronically depressed.
Strong Women.
Learning part of what I need to do to be whole.

edit: honestly, upon reading this thread, I do think I should habitually spoke pot for awhile, it might help me with my complete inability to let go of anything.

 

that was kind of a fucked moment huh

 

Yep, that would be a good summary of the root of my mental breakdown.

 

I was eight.

yeah, it was an incredibly fucked up moment, hell, 1995 was just a shitty year

 

No you shouldn't. I think in these days people just genuinlly don't care enough about things, or take heed to their actions. Your intellect may alienate you or cause this "complete inability to let go of anything". 'Catcher in the rye' can better illustrate what I'm talking about (I'm not saying you're like the guy in that book)

 

drinking, getting a job at a bar
working out and tanning and just over all caring about my appearance
the disillusionment that only happens after years of trauma and abuse

 

when ones inability to let go of minor trespass controverts ones own capacity to be happy one has no choice but to find some way to either conquer, or circumvent that inability.

I think circumventing it until such time as I can conquer it is a valid option.

 

-some family drama
-saying yes to weed
-my first sexual experience
-quitting soccer
-my first job
-my first car
-selling pot at 17
-working in a nursing home
-my first concert
-started playing guitar
-started boxing
-got in my first fight
-losing my virginity
-college
-fucking up at school
-losing my mind
-learning the hard way you can't trust people
-living in a homeless shelter
-getting depressed for the first time ever
-having a gun pulled on me

 

.

 

yea I agree. But one, pot will NOT help at all. Judging your person
(just by what you've said) it would probably just make you paranoid about said 'inability to let go'. Also why just waste time until conquering it is an option. Maybe work hard on trying to conquer it now. (you may already have I don't know). I am similar and personally have never tried to 'conquer' it. But I have over come a few bad addictions now and can say that if this was a case where you were an addict 'circumventing' it would not be a temporary option, as conquering it would not seem possible. That being said, I wouldn't put it off, based on your age, and other things I've read in your posts, I wouldn't consider circumventing it an option. It'll only make things (depression) worse.

 

P.S- Time will not fix it. Only action will.

 

Actually, the one time I tried pot, I found it to be a very pleasant experience. I'm not entirely basing this on other peoples experiences. although, I am extrapolating using them as data points.

 

the beatles
when i got busted with marijuana
people shooting at me and trying to blow me up
seeing "a corporal's diary: 38 days"
lots of people
reading catch-22
corpus christi, tx
learning to play the guitar
the ocean
mountains

there's quite a few more but those seem good enough

 

going to europe
my brother
a couple people
one of them was from here actually

 

Love, drugs, and various harships have had the most influence on my life and they have all taught me some very valuable lessons..

 

Well if you think it would help. I personally feel really good from reading and learning new things on guitar. I have been a shell of person for so long, getting high or drunk was the only things that EVER felt good, I never even laughed, in seriously like 3-4 years, not once. Now new knowledge makes me feel so good, and positive. I guess it's somewhat the opposite of what you're talking about. I guess that's why they (whoever they are) say 'knowledge is power!' lol, it really is.