When its Over What Helps?

Ok so my boyfriend just broke up with my on Friday. I'm trying to figure out what people do to feel better after a brake up.

The thing that hurts the most for me, is he told me he loved me on Thursday and said he fell out of love with me the next day. The day we broke up he called his friend and sat there laughing with him for what feeled like forever, while I sat at the other end crying.

I'm so confused, I want to move on with my life and forget about him. I just don't know how I can. I'm currently jobless, am not in school, have no money, and am living with my mother and step father.

Also we were gonna try to be friends, but I honestly don't know how I can be friends with him. I also have a hard time saying goodbye. I'm just looking for someway to help myself. If there is anything else I can do besides giving it time, I'd really like to find out. What did you do when you were broken up with? Is it possible to stay friends with an ex under these circomstances? Also, I find I have this problem where I don't give myself time to greive before I start a new relationship. Its like I want to be loved by someone else, but I know I'm not ready to do so. I find that I can't stand seeing others happy when I am so miserable.

I'm sorry if I seem like I'm being a big baby, I'm just trying to find a way to heal myself and to stop thinking about a person who I use to love so much. Sorry there are so many questions, I haven't really been through a break up like this. We use to live together too so its hard.

 

friends. even a stranger stopped me on the street today with so much concern in his eyes he saw my pain as i walked.

but i've been crying for a week, can't sleep, can't eat, throwing up i'm so nervous, so i don't know. you can't turn your heart off.

 

Yeah I wish I could turn it off. I have the same thing, have to take sleeping pills to sleep with a glass of wine. I've lost 8lbs this week cause I can't keep anything down. I just hope it doesn't hurt forever.

 

I have been down the depression road, It is not fun. If You completly delve into it, your body will start to easily shut down being lethargic, not eating, not wanting to do anything.

Suggestion are:

Break ties from the ones makeing you stressed out or depressed. There needs to be seperation. Cause all it will do otherwise is compound on itself. And currently you are not thinking clearly. Mood shifts do not help train of thought, just blurries the overall vision.

In crystalsatreehugger case, If he is not repsonsible for the payments of the place, get him out. You have a step up already with the landlord being understanding and willing to help you. Do not take this for granted.

Relatives/Friends, keep yourself with them and doing things you like to keep your mind off of just being negative. Most importantly keep active. Yes you will see things that will trigger negative feelings, theres no way around it but to confront it. Being in bed, dwelling, not eating is far worse.

As they all say, it takes time. You just have to keep makeing progress on it. and the more you progress, the more you can see things more clearly and make sound decisions on which are not relyant on the current mood shifts you have.

Last I checked the world will not end anytime soon There is no reason to rush. The finish line does not exist. Relax and try to look at enjoying the next few days instead.

Defenetly do not get yourself into takeing anything addicting though. IF anything, to give a lending hand. There is a Herb sold in riteaid/eckards and such called "ST. John's Wort" The herb helps reduce stress/depression a bit.

There will never be a turn off switch, Though down the road Meditation is a very good thing to get into once feeling better, and the more you work on it, The more it can help.

 

Thank you, this actually sounds like it will help. I really appreciate the advice. I'm gonna break ties soon. Its whats best and I'm realising it now.

 

She's right you know... but what you ignored is YOU. Every idea you quote and said I know this or that... Those are true. There is no easy way. But don't ignore your heart. As cliche as it sounds you know best what you need. Allow yourself to grieve. But don't mope... lol go out and force yourself to have fun! You'll fake it at first but suddenly you will realize you really are having fun.

Good luck Honey.
(and fuck him! :cheers2

 

To add, and twiddle in your mind if it helps:

There is no one perfect in this world. Everyone you see has been down this same road before in one way or another. Everyone can try to stay in a straight guideline. But what will always make us unique is our individual flaws, and thats nothing to be ashamed of.

 

I can't thank everyone enough for the advice. I'm gonna try going to counsseling soon to try to help. I think I'll try the ST. John's Wort idea. It couldn't hurt, it doesn't sound like a bad idea. I know I'll get over it and now more then ever I know that I need to cut ties with him. If I keep talking to him I'll only feel worse. It will hurt at first letting him go, but I'll have to get over it.

 

I'm starting to see things more clearly especially since yet another friend came to me about the cheating and overall using me. It hurts to know but it hurts more to wonder if it's true, hence the dwelling. I'm feeling a hell of alot better at the momment, partly thanks to some valium and going back to the landlord today telling him Chase ran off, but I found some of the rent to give to him before Chase steals it, letting him side further with me. I want it to be over now but at least I'M WINNING, bc I'm right and honest and true. Burnt me but think of the phenxic rising from the ashes. Thats me.

He threw my phone at me b/c it's not working because HE used up all my minutes. Took off and I'm so glad. Just hope he doesn't come back and break more of my shit. Time, friends, and sorry to say valium (I'm prescribed). I was feeling suicidal, even had a momment of begging him back because I keep going back and forth with my feelings (and he's telling me he loves me and wants me back eventually). But it's starting to pass because people care and have now stopped me twice on the street saying it hurts them to see my pain so visibly. You'll have to learn to get over him and walk on you own but you can do it, it just takes love and friends and the will to stand up for YOURSELF. Mine's probably with his bitch right now but I don't care. I'm free and he's setting himself up for disaster.

Burn baby burn, in your own fucking self induced inferno. Thats whats beginning to happen to him. He made a big fucking mistake letting me go, but baby I'm happy now he did.

 

That is a very bad situation to have gone through .

Though am glad to hear that he left. I certainly hope he would not try comeing back to break or steal things though. Does he have keys to the place still ? If so I would suggest looking at changeing some of the locks just to be on the safe side.

It's nice hearing you have friends to help out in area Defenetly keep with them, and suggest looking at what fun things to do now and forget about him altogether atm.

As you said he will create his own disaster. And by then you should be well off and away so it does not effect you. Let him drown in his mess, and do not let him take you into it.

As said, Glad that he left. You have things worked out with your landlord. There nothing to look back on, Just look forward

Why look at the mess behind you, when the road is so clear ahead

 

Yeah there's not much to worry on the stuff. It tastes horrible =P, but helps out dureing the day. And when all is better, you loose out on the horrible taste. Win / Win situation =D

 

Thats good to know. A horrible taste is worth feeling better.

 

Distance has always worked for me. So I would say try to distance yourself from him. It's difficult but it'll help.

 

I told him that I won't be talking to him for a long time and that if when I talked again if it hurt to much that I would just completely cut him out of my life. If thats what I have to do to be happy I will.

 

liquor and LOTS of it

 

I only have 2 exes I was able to stay friends with. One, because we really only dated for like 2 months, heh...and the other because he more than redeemed himself to me...but it took TIME. I don't really think there's a right or wrong answer to the "can we be friends" question, only that it depends on the degree of hurt that you suffered being in the relationship (and it sounds like a LOT), and how you feel you can handle seeing them. It took a good 6 months before I could think of the second guy I mentioned as a friend and not as an ex. Ironically enough I feel closer to him as a friend than I ever did when we were together...hmmm. Anywho, that is just my situation. The exes that blatantly mistreated me or used me callously are GONE from my life for good - I could never handle being friends with someone who raped me, like one of my exes did. And the other one lied to me too many times and I just couldn't ever trust him even as a friend.

I did not cope well with any of my breakups, unfortunately. I sunk into a deep depression each time. The last time I gained a bunch of weight and I was already pretty overweight before (I've lost most of that now, thank god). Some people can't eat, but I self medicated with booze and bad food...hah. Bad scene. I don't know, one day I just snapped out of it and decided enough was enough and started changing my life, and I'm doing much better now. I've been single for 4 years, but hey, I'm way happier than I ever was in those relationships. I'm at the point where I either want to fly solo or have the real thing, with an adult male who is stable and not INSANE or drugged up. All or nothing, because I deserve the best, cause I'm a Goddess lol

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. But one thing I can say for all the lost loves I've gone through is that I learned a hell of a lot about myself and people in general from it, and now I know what red flags and shit to look out for.

 

When you are going through a tough breakup, you really need to allow yourself and give yourself time to heal.

Don't try and rush things and don't tell yourself you should feel better when you really don't.Part of the healing process comes after full acceptance. That things are finally over. You are not only mourning the loss of a relationship but also the loss of a lifetime you imagined with them.

That takes time.

So i would suggest take it slow. Don't try the friends thing too early. Just keep the contact with him to a minimum .. it will help you to accept the whole situation and move on in a quicker and healthier way.

 

Breakups freaking suck. Hard.

The best thing for them....though it's not what you want to hear, is time and distance. Saying you're not going to talk to him for a while will not solve anything. Take action, don't talk to this person, it WILL only make your heart break even harder.

And, yes, you feel like you NEED to be loved by someone, and that may be a problem you're going to have to solve before you get into another relationship; I think so anyway. You can be strong and get over it, you just need to do it on your own, or you're going to solve nothing.

 

Distance and pot helps.

 

How long were you two dating?
And i dont think being "friends" is a good idea.