Cheating On Your girlfriend

I have a thread in the love sex section. It is very similar to your own. You may find it interesting when you compare the ages of the posters and what they have to say. I didn't get the information I was looking for. Apparently cheaters are not introspective enough to express why they do what they do. It seems to me they are malicious and want an advantage in their endeavors. It Makes them feel powerful which means it actually must be a defense mechanism for believing that they are weak. I cant relate to cheaters that well because I always aspired to be more than the wake of my libido. It seems that cheaters are also weasels but they have enough pride not to make themselves heard.Serendipidy to everyone

 

and you should understand that we have our own opinions and they do not necessarily agree with yours.

 

i think cheating is pretty bad but at times relationships can def benefit from a break

 

I will give everyone another side to the issue. I was married 22 years, and I met a lady married 20 years. Both in normal long term marriages, house, kids, cars, etc... typically routine. We met and it started with flirting and texting, then a one night stand, and then needing to see each other again. Typical affair you would read about or see on tv, our spouses had no clue. After 3 months of this, we both approached our spouses and told them and asked for divorces. Very painful period for our ex's, kids are all teenagers, handled it well. Now 3 years later, we've been living together since asking for our divorces, and we are in an entirely different type of relationship. Far more passion, feel like I have more of a soulmate. So in short, it's not always bad to cheat.

 

It didn't help my last relationship when he cheated. The thing I hate most to hear is that they didn't mean anything. If they didn't mean anything to you then, why did you feel the need to do sexual things with the other person? If they didn't mean anything, then why was it so important that you cheat on me in the first place? If they didn't mean anything, then what was the reason for cheating at all?

Oh and the excuse of being on weed at the time somehow makes it ok? I know weed doesn't make peoples judgement that bad. Alcohol maybe, but weed no thats not an excuse. Or to have him turn around and say I never told you I was perfect. Its like I never asked you to be perfect I just asked you not to have sex or be with anyone else while you are with me.

I don't understand why this is so hard to understand? Cheating hurts the person you are with. I know I couldn't trust my partner, even though I stayed for 3 months longer. I always felt so insecure about it that I believed that no matter what he was cheating on me still. I'd asking him who he was texting, cause I felt I couldn't trust him. He got mad when I asked who he was texting, he even asked what he did to make me not trust him. Its like are you fucking kidding me, DOES CHEATING RING A BELL!! I don't understand how he just expected me to get over it, I wasn't even allowed to talk about it. In the end cheaters are complete and total losers. The saying once a cheater always a cheater definitely fits perfectly into this senerio, he cheated on people he had been with before. Till he figures out why he feels the need to cheat in the first place, he will never have a meaningful relationship. I'm the one who got hurt, I'm the one who has to look back wondering why, and I'm the one who has to think why I wasn't good enough for him?

I think the OP has no idea what he is talking about. Its not his age, but I don't know any case where cheating helps your partner's and your relationship. It doesn't strengthen it, it just puts constant doubts in the other partners head.

Don't cheat on your partner if you love them. Communicate what you need!!! If you don't communicate what you need or want then how the hell are we supposed to know. This isn't just about men cheating women do the same thing. Its not good for either sex to cheat. If someone cheats on you, I advise you leave it won't get better. Its something that hurts the relationship more then you know.

This is my two cents/plea to people thinking its ok to cheat on a lover, please just communicate whats wrong in your relationship. Don't be afraid to say you need more of something or you won't be happy. Its about being open and not feeling like the other person will judge you badly for saying you need more. Just be open and give your love to the one you love.

Tiffany

 

Sorry but when you start off being the person that he was using to cheat you can't expect him to not cheat on you. You walked right into it.

 

Yeah your right and not until now did I realise it. I'll just have to learn from it and not let it happen again.

 

We need to define what "cheating" actually means. To me, "cheating" is physical or emotional intimacy done behind my back.

In principle, I don't mind sharing my man with another woman, as long as I'm there and it's a shared thing. But if he goes behind my back, that's totally different. It's not so much the sex I object to, it's the betrayal.

 

Call me an idealist ... But I think that a man that is in love with you and committed to you ... will not cheat on you.

 

No..whats wrong is that youre such a coward.
You stay in a relationship that doesnt even work for you.
Humans are not greedy little children.
You are.

 

what the hell is the point in devouting 22 years of memories to one person, just to leave halfway through?
I think its so stupid that men will leave their wives who have done everything including raising their children just because sex lacked a little.
Of course sex lacks, you have a house, a mortage, jobs, and kids to take care of. Its part of life and the committment you put yourself into when you marry.

Its ridiculous.

 

:cheers2: You're right on. I think guys often forget the stress of what keeps a household running. It's not easy to make everything go smoothly and it's not fair to be expected to still feel sexy at the end of the day.

I wonder out of all the selfish guys who cheat how many still take time out of their day to make their wives feel important, and sexy. Just because they bring a paycheck home doesn't make them good husbands, keeping the romance alive is important.

I mean think about it, you had the most sex when you were still trying to keep her around, acting romantic and bringing her flowers. When you stop doing that, you stop getting laid. Women are EMOTIONAL creatures, and men are physical that difference usually ends up in conflict.

 

wow, i couldnt have said that any better
its so true, though.
without the appreciation and cute little gestures that usually always happen in the pre-marital stages i guess i would start to feel kinda blah myself actually. It really requires both peoples committment, and further more marriage is like running a business, you cant just assume that everythings going to take care of itself, just like you cant assume that coming home every night and laying in the same bed, is going to keep it alive.

 

Bingo!

It's hard to feel sexy when you've been covered in dirt/dog hair/ baby poop all day, and if I'm willing to be covered in the above mentioned stuff then I want to feel appreciated and respected. I know of so many guys who think that them getting naked is suitable foreplay....ugh no.

 

Do i think his repeated cheating helped our relationship?
Lets see:

It's helped me to not trust him.
It's helped me to not respect him as much as i did.
It's helped me to be suspicous.
It's helped me to feel unsexy.
It's helped me to feel unworthy of his love.
It's helped me not to trust his friends.
It's helped me understand that no matter what i do, i am not good enough.
It's helped me to understand that i am just a piece of ass.
It's helped me to open my eyes and see that he has a problem.
It's helped me to open my eyes and see whats going on around me.
It's helped me to see that this relationship is going to come to an end if he doesn't get his problem worked out.
It's helped me to be stressed.
It's helped me to be depressed.
It's helped me to wonder if i'm wasting my time.
It's helped to me come to the conclusion that if he doesn't come clean and talk to me about this problem so we can try and work it out, this relationship is probally going to end with both of us resenting each other.

And one other thing, after him, there will be no other, i'll go solo through life and smack the shit out of any man that tries to get near me.

 

hahaha lmao so freaking true, but they complain if you dont touch them or give them head lmao.

my boyfriend had a bad habit of that for a while.

 

It's more mechanical for guys. We can get straight into sex without foreplay, head wouldn't be considered foreplay, it's mechanical. Foreplay to me is a turn-off because you have to lick or kiss body parts that may or may not be that clean... and it only delays where you want to be. So hygiene is bigger for guys than foreplay.

 

Remember that it is you that has the problem with the cheater, not him... If you are not open to having multiple partners that is your issue. Having multiple partners actually has more benefits than you may have thought. The whole one partner deal was an old trick from the church that has ruled the minds of people for thousands of years. Do you have a group of 3 or 4 people that you love being around because the conversations flow, there is laughter and you miss having it when it's gone? With 2 people conversations don't always flow that way. Another thing, there are so many needs that everyone has; physical, mental, financial, etc. The chances of finding someone that you are comfortable around, have good laughs with, have great sex with, continuously desire, have deep meaningful conversations with are less likely than you think. You could spend an entire lifetime finding the person of your expectations because there are so many different people and because most people have to hide themselves. For example: How soon is it before you tell a person your deepest secret? Not right away usually... well, because of that later on there will be a road bump in the relationship because you never expected it. What about your desires? How soon do you tell your partner your deepest desires? Not soon enough... What I'm getting at is that there are social norms in society that prevent relationships and people from being natural. So, just starting off you really aren't being fully yourself... How are you on a first date or after you had sex for the first time? Are you truly being yourself or are you showing your best side while hiding the dirty side? There is a deep desire in most open minded people to have multiple partners, they may not say it, but there it is usually felt first as a void in ones life. That void is something that the person they're with may never fill and they may never bring them up either because of the taboo that was created in society. There is nothing wrong with having multiple partners as there is nothing wrong with having one. Just think of the benefits of having multiple partners... You as a group of 3 or 4 are financially stronger. If one person were to lose their job you have several others to pick up the slack and you don't lose your house. Sex is less likely to get boring because there is more choice, is a supply and demand effect where if someone isn't putting out they are less likely to get anything in return, but that only affects the lazy one so evolution plays a part. When one person stops putting out, the relationship doesn't get dull and the void won't develop because there are others that you can have sex with. Conversations flow better with more people, more is brought to the table. Everyone has their lazy days and productive ones, when someone is lazy, someone else is likely to be productive, so the house would more likely stay cleaned. There are plenty more benefits to these such as people having different schedules and still likely to see one another. There are indirect benefits such as more sex, more confidence, less stress, more happiness. Or sharing the workload and bills means you have more time to do things you like and advancing your life because two could go to school while two others work. Basically it comes down to having more options and more people who are more likely to fill that void, and indirectly there will less likely be cheating and trust issues.

 

I'm not going to read whatever the hell you typed because apparenty you don't know how to use paragraphs.

 

LOL ... you didn't miss anything.