I suspect my friend is gay

Hi. I've recently accepted being gay but I'm not ready to go out to clubs and actually meet openly gay people because I'm still in the closet. However, I have an acquaintance who I suspect is gay.

About the guy: he's 20, the same age as I. We hang out once or twice a week with a friend we have in common, just playing video-games and watching movies, drinking beers and stuff. These guys are real odd-balls and one of them is totally a closeted gay, maybe even in denial. For the 4 years I've known him, I always thought he was gay, but it's only recently that I've considered him in the light of my new self acknowledgment and I think he's kinda cute. We are not close friends and I've always picked on him so I find it hard to approach him... As if it isn't hard enough as it is: he doesn't really let anyone near and his whole personality pretty much consists of making "gay jokes". I'm sure beyond a reasonable doubt that he's gay. I'm starting to like him and I wouldn't mind if he was my first gay experience.

Has anyone ever been in this situation? How do I approach him and get past this stupid little barrier he puts on? I want to become close friends with him so that he can open up to me but I'm a little hesitant.

Any ideas/strategies/things to watch out for? All suggestions appreciated.

 

helpful as ever guys.

 

I suggest coming out first. Having a gay friend could be motivation for him to let down that barrier. If that happens, you'll be better friends for it. That's what happened in my case.

 

If a dude is a closted case, coming out, and talking the gay thing may send him off running for shelter. Coming out is a complex matter. People are prone to concluding that this boils down to personal courage, honesty, etc. This may or may not be the case. Think of many young dudes, who are gay, and really have no problem with that but depend on their parents for support. Think of all the dudes who may be members of various sports teams, and are depending on their scholarships to stay in college. Think of the guys in the military.

In other words, leave the coming out or not to each and every individual. It is their call and eventually their responsibility to face the consequences thereof.

Your strategy? Drop the 'picking on' attitude. Ask the dude to stop by and see your newest games, whatever. Make friends, and let the bygones be bygones. Start building a normal guy-to-guy friendship. Loose the other people around, and dedicate a bit more time to being with your new friend.

If he agrees to go along, give it a try. He can say 'nope' or he can take your offer. If you cannot take his possible rejection, drop the whole thing here and now, and look for someone else.

KD

 

You could offer to perform oral sex on him. Although quite a few straight guys would say yes to that too.

 

Watch the movie "Sex Drive"

Pretty lame movie really, but the brother character nails it on the head (the Guy that played Cyclops in X Men 3, forget his name). He's this xtra sporty/ macho type always with the fag jokes, ends up coming out at the end of the movie.

Anyway, thats more like it really is, it aint just the effeminate ones you have to be suspicoius of, too many of the fag jokes, yes that does usually mean they are over-compensating, just scary for the rest of the population to realise just how many guys are actually like that

 

Roofies, find out if you like it first.

 

haha i am not sure roofies would be the most responsible way to go about it, but i guess it is an option (JOKE!). I would agree to drop the picking on him attitude and move past that. All that stuff will do is throw more road blocks in the way. Just hang out with him one on one and see where it goes from there.