A man is a player, when they fuck around. A women a slut!! AHAHAH what stupidity.

One of the most outrageous and completely irrational cultural beliefs that I have been indoctrinated with as a man surrounded promiscuity.

Especially what it shows about women as opposed to what it shows on to men. On the one hand, males can run round fucking aimlessly and through deciet and still be appreciated by people yet on the other, women are hated and become socially inept because of this.

The funniest and saddest thing about it all - I dont know whether to laugh or cry, I think both - but yea, that thing is the fact that men have to have sex with women in our society. So they have to get sex in a very meaningless way multiple times with none other than a person who would be castrated if people perceived that they were having sex with men. No wonder men are so deceitful half the time, the emotionally weak ones succumb to the peer pressure of being the 'player'. I must admit from my personally experience this was a major drive for me just about 8 years ago. Blindly I explored this dimension of our culture, yet here I am able to see the hurt in all this, both for me and for women.

It doesnt end there, this has negative repercussions for men as well, though to some extent, less than for women. When you believe that males are 'good' when they have sex with a women, then you also must believe that as a man, you only recieve sex from a women. With this idea I was, how should I put, short to 'cum' up with it and my relationship with women was ridden with conflicts, I just was paralyzed into shyness because I was also taught never to lie and i couldn't bear being struck down by females, the only thing that gave me sex, a deep sense of pride as well. Just a few years ago I realized just how ridiculous this was and talked with my partner about it. We had a great connection through it, early on and now I am much more sexually potent, luckily, than before. However, the best thing the most pleasurable thing and the most painful thing was that my relationship with women of all ages suffered tremendously and not anymore happily! I am finally beginning to make a mend with this, however, years later i find it increasingly difficult to make changes especially in my heart...its like bieng in a maze and knowing the way our, but the key is hidden and I cant open the door to a new world of emotions...fucking sucks ass...Ive only ever felt a glimmer of it here and there, but wow is it sweet.!!

My intentions of this were to see what all you femals think about this and how you feel about it as well. I get a kick out of it and I most likely will find a plenty of reason to keep going on this issue.

 

Methinks this issue has been beaten to death around here, but whatevs.

I don't understand the desire to put oneself up as a free buffet sample, let the other person have a taste of everything and if he likes you, he can come back for seconds. That's just not how I roll. Of course women have as much sexual desire as men--that's why god invented the vibrator. Unlike men, for whom an orgasm from sex is usually superior to that from masturbation, women tend to have better orgasms from masturbating. In other words, there is nothing a penis can do that a vibrator can't (besides come, of course, but all that does is get you pregnant). And actually, since a vibrator can vibrate and a penis, well...it can try, but I'd say when it comes to a strictly physical experience, a vibrator would win.

Obviously, a vibrator can't love you, so there is certainly a place for actual sex in the world. But as for casual, meaningless sex, that I will never understand.

 

Sex has been downgraded and under-rated today.

 

sex is a sport

 

Dude, this isn't* the current view anymore.

 

I agree, duck, but to a higher extent this conflict creating misunderstanding is still rampant. I do believe it is especaily affecting the sub-concious we still generally have a sense in our culture that women are the providers of sex. Look at our mainstream music and art, it is riddled with these ideas, even though they have re-shaped, into a lesser form, they still exist. These songs would not be appealing to a large majority in our society if these people didnt believe it.
Also, if you look at movies and in youth male circles, males still generally brag about their sexual experiences with women, extensively, as compared to females.
Need I say more, beyond simply looking a media and even the way the sexes dress...Ie. Women wear make-up males dont. This type of duality is still a part of women being the providers of sex, the sexual prop, the sexual pet, the submissive not the aggressor. Now that I do not believe that AND I care little about friendships with other males that still have this element, i love the feeling of a women fucking me, loving me and taking control.

 

The most amazing thing to me is that women seem to be as much the perpetrators of just this kind of prejudice as men.

 

I meant this isn't the current view anymore =P

 

The way I see it a lot of guys and girls make the mistake of thinking cos they are a guy or a girl that every other guy or girl is just like them, has the same libido, has the same views on long term and casual relationships, is as up front to everyone else in the same way.

Some girls are way worse than some of the guys, some guys are less interested in sex than most girls. Yet there is this public act everyone puts on that guys are all about sex, girls are all about commitment.

Promiscous male is a player, promiscous female is a slut; that attitude just causes most of the promiscous females to go underground, sneaking around. Anything not accepted in the main stream in fact gets pushed underground, behind peoples backs.

I'm gay and not the little cupcake type, I live my life with the odd straight guy doing that stupid thing acting uncomfortable like I'm going to rape them. Myself I was only ever interested in certain types of (proper) gay guys, a certain 2% of the male population. The amount of times I have to advoid the advances of secret bi guy ( a % a whole lot bigger than 2%) or the advances of one certain type of girls that only want to do gay guys or want to cling to the gay guy cos he's never going to objectify them,does my head in

Its go nothing to do with hot, I'm not, I'm just tall and muscly.Born with low libido so it always looks like I'm in control. That attention is always done in secret and extra sneaky.Talk about it to anyone not in those groups, they dont want to hear it and refuse to accept it, and if I hear myself try as like now, I sound like a complete WANKER which I'm sure most of you will agree. Which is why I just keep my mouth shut most of the time.

The fact that some gay guys and girls get to around 18 "come out", parents, family friends sometimes flip should tell you all how clueless parents and family can be to those closest to them. you can be friends with someone for like a decade and be clueless to the fact that they are things like gay, or a girl that likes to get it on with a whole football team in one go, or a girl that like doing guys that remind her of her dad whilst she whips the boyfriend her own age, or a guy that likes woman twice his age cos some are so horny, or whatever.

when it comes to sex, people have no idea about their kids, about their parents, about anyone

 

"The most amazing thing to me is that women seem to be as much the perpetrators of just this kind of prejudice as men. "

Cherea, fucking gluttonously good point. Its so good its quickly become a vice for me. This is very true - Ironically the only way out of this is together with women, because some women simply cannot put up with the idea that a male has similar sexual prowess over her, as she does to him and this shapes the way they judge who is a good and bad man. Some people like control but they do not see the limiations of it. I like to share control. Judging from where I live, I assume this is actually quite a large part of the population. Now that I am more in touch with this deep reality in women they hardly are attractive when they tease me and try to express their power. Its fucking glorious, i always had this problem, it made me suseptable to manipulation. I urge males to acknowledge this, from my experience and encourage them to anoint themselves in their true form, even if it simply with the girls they get close to.

Here here, Cheers.

 

Part of it has to do with cultural double-standards which are slowly disappearing. Forty years ago an 40ish woman dating a 20ish man would have been a major scandal. Now it's as common as adultery in Hollywood.

Part of it is genetically based. Males are wired to hunters and women nesters, gatherers and better social organizers. Last year I read an article about a neurologist (sorry, I forget her name) who wrote a book on what happens in the womb to turn a zygote male. We all start out looking female (which is why men have nipples), then, later, those with the Y chromosome start seeing changes. The communication centers of the brain are actually attacked and portions destroyed, aggressiveness centers of the brain are ramped up, etc.

Cheating on one's spouse, committing assault or worse and other betrayals or crimes cannot be blamed upon one's genetics. We all have the impulse to cheat or kick the crap out of someone, but most of us are human enough and smart enough to resist it. Those who don't need to either grow up or, if it is a crime, be punished for it.

 

I still say this is no longer the majority's view at all.

 

I say it's more the view now than it was in the period 1960-80. U.S. society is infinitely more sexually conservative now than it was then.

 

Well, I was born in '89 - but I'd say the view is fading from it's popularity throughout the 90s and early 2000s. Now, it seems like most people are either for promiscuity or against it; rather than for male promiscuity only.
I mean really, when shows like Desperate Housewives are popular, I can't see how you can say people bash female promiscuity over male (on a major scale).

 

you can call me a slut if it makes you feel better. besides, for a good man to be called a player is every bit as insulting as a good woman being called a slut.

 

Look, the fact of the matter is, no matter what you do, or don't do, people are going to find a way to criticize you. There's no use in lamenting for some golden age where nobody judges anyone. That never has and never will happen. Just live your life and stop worrying so much about what society thinks of you.

 

StawBerry Im not sure who or what you are refereing too.

Duck, I agree to some extent that a subculture has began in our culture that directly rebels against this. The general notion that created this culture to begin with, is the notion that women control sex between male and female sexual relationships. Also that it aught to be that way for a 'man' to trully be a 'man' and a 'women' to trully be a'women'.

If you look at the rap sub-culture, where women are contantly depicted as sole propreiters of the intiation of the sexual experience, you may think differently knowingjust how extensive tha is. Also the mainstream middle class culture is still very much like this, you are homeschooled and probally dont interact with many people, so I understand that from where your coming from this may seem true.

 

You know when I hear the term player most used?
Either, "Yeah, I'm a mother fuckin player " super jokey like
or "I don't like that dude, he's a 'player'" super mocky like

I do get what you mean, of course - but I feel like most of the people in this thread are either talking out of their ass.
Also, in the more promiscuous cultures and cliques I've encountered, slut isn't even a demeaning term, it's used like slut is used in porn, as more of a term of endearment than anything; the equivalent to player.

 

I have a feeling people perceive a sort of free-for-all in sex norms in society that are not there because of media exploitation. Same with crime.

 

I know I'm gonna get a lot of heat for this but what tha hell this is a free speech forum right?!

The double standard the OP mentioned is vial, distasteful, sexiest and completely logical. For a men to have enough sex with the amount of women it would take him to be considered a player (or man-slut as you will), he would have to have a multitude of skills: charming, well-dressed, decent job, nice car, witty, handsome etc. For a woman to be a slut, she just has to be there.

It's not only the above but our current culture promotes the double standard with music, movies, and comedy but sadly women are dancing, watching, and laughing along with their XY counterparts. Don't get me wrong it is totally hypocritical for women to be viewed negatively for doing the same things men enjoy. However, it goes back to what Dawn Launch was basically saying earlier about genetics/survival, women all want the same man and men just want a woman. Hope that made sense.

The good thing about this is that we're talking about it and those views are fading. Women and men soon will have the sexual freedoms to enjoy as much of each other without prejudgment getting in the way.

My $.02