Advice from other mamas.

All of the people I am friends with all have kids, so I'm not abnormal or anything. But, they all seem to have a problem with me not wanting to go out and drink and party all the time.
Since I've had my daughter, I've not went out. And, it doesn't bother me; I partied enough when I was in school for any 10 people. Now that I have a kid, I feel like all my time is hers, my life is hers. It's not a burden, that's just the way I feel about it.
I catch a lot of flack because I haven't left my daugther overnight....she'll be 3 in September. They all tell me I am holding her too close and sometimes I just need a break.
I don't feel that way, and I feel like the people I hang around with just don't get it. They party every weekend, leave their kids for 3 and 4 days at a time.

Do any other mamas have that problem? Or, could you offer advice?

 

Hello,

As a mother of 57.5 children I have often faced these problem.

You are doing the right thing. Follow your instinct.

Those parents who go out and party are very irresponsible, and their children will end up growing up without a true emotional connection and probably with psychological issues because of the neglect they experience at this young and tender age.

Your daughter is lucky to have a mother who is so dedicated.

Blessings,

Johanna Schwartz,
Internet Porn Star.

 

Most people are shitty parents these days.
Don't be one.
Fuck your friends if it comes down to it.

They tell you you need a break because for them their children are a hassle, and most people want their friends to be like them - not a very friendly trait, but it's been one of the key understandings in sociology since day one.

 

You're silly, Rubey.

 

You're pretty, Moon.

 

You're a good mama moon flower. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. The people that are saying those things to you are projecting their subconscious jealousy over what a good parent you are, it brings out their insecurities and guilt, so they try to turn it around and make it seem as though you're the one with the issues. Keep on doing what you're doing, it's a shame there aren't more parents like you out there.

You should be proud moon flower, you're doing a great job.

{{{Hugs}}}

 

I have had similar situations with my friends. They are all heavy smokers, of cigarettes and other stuff. They don't understand that I don't want to bring my kids over to sit in a cloud. I enjoy hanging around with my children more than them anyways, so I just don't go visit very often. They can say what they want, but nothing is more important than my children.

 

((((((hugs!!!))))))

You're doin' the right thing sweetie. I'm another one of those freakish people that actually like spending time with my kids - and I hear the "you need time ALONE!" comment ALL the time.

Why? Why must I spend time without my kids? Why should I plan entire weekends without the kids? Sure we go on dates without them, and they spend the night at the grandparents - but why MUST we do this? So far nobody's shown me evidence of any psychological damage that comes from spending too much time with their kids. We eat together, we talk together, we school together, we scrapbook together, we Wii together, we travel together...my relationship with DH is not suffering in any way, and my kids are not maladjusted freaks. How many 13 year old sons do you know that actually LIKE spending time with their mom? And what makes that weird?

I'd ignore everyone else & follow your heart.
love,
mom

 

I personally think that a lot of the problems that people are having with the children, be it behavioral or emotional or what not, is due to the fact that a lot of parents don't spend enough time with their children. I argued with one of my friends the other day because I choose to not have the fanciest cars and the big rich house so that my wife can not work and spend time at home raising our children. Instead, I should make my wife go to work and send the kids to daycare. I would rather not have to spend a ton of money on car payments (he spands nearly $1000 a month so that he can drive 2 fancy sports cars, then complains about how he doesn't ever have enough gas to go anywhere and never has money to do anything). Personally, my jeep may be old and ugly, but it runs very well, and it is payed for.

 

I agree 100% HippyLandscaper. :cheers2:

 

Awh =D
If I'm ever a papa I hope I'm one like you.

 

*hugs* Moon

You are doing what is right for you. And for your precious little girl.

We, personally, go out on the town occasionally. And sometimes, I do like the idea of sleeping in, and not performing momly duties first thing in the AM. But I am also a partner in a marriage that needs nurtured outside of parenthood and I work nights, so I never get enough sleep.

If it were just me and my daughter, I would love to be with her every moment of the day. drinking and smoking don't hold the same appeal as watching a child uncover some new truth about their world, or the moments of bliss when they spontaneously hug or kiss you, say I love you. Or the rush of pride you get when someone compliments your child on being so well-behaved and sweet.

You're such a good momma, Moon, and I'm proud of you for it.

 

Thanks, everyone.

I personally prefer my daughter to my friends. She's just amazing in every sense of the word. She's so intelligent and witty. She's just hilarious.
We were watching Barney the other day and the Barney song came on we were singing and dancing around to it. At the end of the song, we fall down....we have just always done that. And she rolled over to me, gave me the biggest hug EVER and kissed my cheek and said 'Mommy, I'm so happy.' All the drinking and partying in the world could never give me a moment like that....a real moment in life that I will absolutely never forget. I love it when she looks at me with those big blue eyes and tells me that she doesn't want to go to sleep yet because we're having fun. I just love watching her be her and learn something new every day.

I don't drive a fancy car, and I live in an apartment. I don't mind any of that....I have my daughter and she's happy. I don't need a fancy sportscar, though if someone gave me a '69 GTO, I wouldn't turn it down....haha.

And, you're pretty too, Rubey.

 

Sounds like you're doing just fine. My son is only 14 months and people tell me the same things. Who's to tell me that I NEED time to myself?? I think I would know if I needed time to myself. When he was just a wee little dude and cried a lot unless he was nursing (he was a little boob monster!) people were like "You're gonna have a held child, you know, one of those kids that just always wants to sit in their mom's lap and stuff.." and people even told me I should "get him on the bottle while [you] still can". He's not a "held child", or over-attached just because I held him constantly for the first 6+ months or because I spend tons of time with him. He's happy and confident and perfectly independant for his age.
Most of them that said/say that, on the other hand, have kids that freak out if they put their shoes on and grab their keys because the poor kid/s think (or know) they're gonna be left behind again.

 

I don't really have much experience, but you sound like a great mother and no, your not weird for not wanting to leave your child to go party.

 

I spent and still spend more time with my kids than anyone else.I had a customer tell me yesterday "you're sons are really nice guys.I really like them".It's not the first time either.I believe it's because I spent almost all my time with them from when they were little scamps right on through,like you're doing.It gave me plenty of time to instill honesty,loyalty and all the things we wish for our children.Some parents get exasperated when they have to spend a lot of time with their kids.I don't get that at all.You're doing great.Good on you!She's a little beauty,by the way.

 

Exactly! I'd say I'm more stressed when I don't have my son with me - which has only been a couple of times since he was born. Once was my husband's Christmas party for work and once was because the husband's parents just wanted to take him for the day. I constantly felt like I needed to call and check on him.. not for him or the people that were watching him, more for my own sanity really.
Nobody can tell you that you "need" time to yourself, that's your call. When my son is away, I think I go a little crazy and I don't think that's what I "need", haha.

 

ditch the loser friends find some you can relate to, possibly some with kids....i lost a few friends after my son cause i didnt have time to get wasted anymore, all it said to me is- we were obviously never that good of friends in the first place and i'm b etter off without ya.

 

qft

and ITA With MJB.
My 4 yr old has never been left over night either. I don't think there is anything wrong with that

 

Thanks, guys.
And, these friends I'm talking about DO have kids. I think it all boils down to age, really. They're between 20 and 25 years old. I guess they think they may as well be young while they can, they just want to miss their kids being young while doing so.
And, Disco, the only time I've been away from my daughter was while at work or at school, and I'm the same way....always calling and checking in on every break I get. Lol. When I had a 3 hour lunch break while in school, I went to the local mini mall and was like...."What do I do now?" because I'm so used to having Alexis around, I just don't know how to act without having to push a stroller or cart around and her talking about the different things she sees. I feel lonley, lol.

And, thank you, scratcho! I think she's a beauty too.