Cousin/"Best Friend" Acting like a Fool

This is gonna be a long one.

First: My cousin and I are the same age and have the same group of friends.

Problem is my cousin, who calls himself my best friend, keeps on disrespecting me. Various ways. He's talked trash to girls about me (doesn't make a difference, if he talks trash about me at all - it's low). He calls me names and shit in front of other people, knowing I'm not going to do much back. He ignores me constantly - texts and calls that see what is goin on never go through. He puts me down about shit like not having a job for a single month before I go off to college.

So I've had enough of it, one day a while back, I got fed up with his shit about calling me gay, calling me a bitch, saying whatever the fuck it is about me. I asked him what his problem is, I told him he is acting fucking retarded and that he needs to talk. He didn't even turn around to look at me - said nothing.

I figured he got the picture and would stop the shit. Wrong one right there. Missed calls, missed texts, names and disrespect.

It has been bumpy lately and I've tried to keep it under control again, but it is hard to do. I know that I've been a little negative, and I've been on a short fuse (I haven't blown up on him again and I don't call him names back or anything - but I get a little harsh).

Today he asks if I want to go the movies with all of our friends tonight. I agree and ask what he is doing today - ignored. He calls me hours later and tells me the movie has been switched to a later time, "Okay - no problem. Hey what are you doing right now? Wanna go eat?"

Him - "No, I'm over at [friend]'s house with everyone."
Me - "Oh, okay...well bye then"

Then at the movies - I comment a little bit and he keeps on shushing me and I'm getting pissed, I just tell him to stop shushing me. (For real, it was fucking Transformer's 2) I laugh the entire movie because it is so retarded and obviously so - at the end of the movie he blow the FUCK up and keeps calling me a faggot.

Nothing new, but this time I'm not standing for it, "What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you acting like this? We need to talk about this"

He says, "No, fuck off. Stop talking, you are a faggot." (Might I note right here that he LOVES to insinuate and call me gay - I'm thinking he's a little self-conscious on the matter)

I drop it, but when we leave I text him asking "Seriously, what is wrong?"

And from there he goes on to say that lately I've been difficult to be around because I act childish and shit. I do agree I've been acting different around my friends because of him mainly and his lack of respect and that whole deal, but I thought that comment was funny.

He acts like he has done nothing wrong at all and blames stupid shit on me...

At this point, I have a lot to say, but he won't listen to it.
I know it sounds like stupid bitch problems and whatever, but this is supposed to be my BEST FRIEND, and I can honestly say he was - but now, I just don't know. What really fucking sucks about it is that I really have no other good friends. I've put so much into our friendship, I just feel kind of like I've been backstabbed and just tossed around a little... I feel like I may have to cut the cord, call our relationship as cousins about as good as it gets right now. This isn't the whole story, as we go way back - but this mainly pisses me off.

Thanks to anyone that reads it thoroughly - my mind is all a mess right now

 

O hey~ it hits me like he's trying to be the dominant personality. I'm thinking that in his mind (since you two are related) people see you 2 as one unit, and he wants to be the "representer". It sucks that he disrespects you. It's toxic and you deserve better.

Don't worry about not cultivating new friends or widening your horizons without him.

 

the best thing (in my opinion) that you can do is to stop giving in to it. Don't show weakness... Be stronger than that. Stop with the text messages, stop with asking what's up, what's wrong... Be the better person.. Don't stoop to his level.

People seem to get that way when the other person shows weakness.. It can sometimes happen without the person realizing how far he's taken it.

once he'll see that you're not reacting to his stupid actions, he'll see that you got more confidence to know that his actions are childish and uncalled for. That's when one of 2 things can happen. Either he realizes that he's losing a cousin because of how stupid he's acting, where he'll eventually stop acting like an asshole because he sincerely doesn't want to lose the friendship he has with you, and he'll know that you do truly know that his acting like an ass isn't bringing him anywhere, or, he'll still try to be on top and won't accept the fact that you won't settle for his crap, in which case you might lose a friendship.


I'm not saying that you are clingy, but if you are, don't be. don't text, don't mention it, when he does something stupid, talk to him as you would if a stranger said something stupid about you. Don't be pissed, just pretend that you don't even want to listen to him cause when he gets this way he's so beyond being cool that he's not worth replying to. Be confident, and he'll understand that you're above his stupid childish popularity tactics. Call him less, pay less attention to him... Eventually, he'll ask what's wrong, and when he does, don't tell him you're hurt, just make it so that he's not part of your highest priorities anymore. you can do this without having to say a word with him. He'll then hopefully realize that his being an asshole might have fucked things up bad.


I know you have a lot to say, but you can't tell him anything he doesn't already know, which is why you shouldn't bother telling him. He'll eventually wonder why you're not paying attention to him as you normally would. The tables will eventually turn, and you'll gain the respect you deserve.

Most important advice I can give you, don't show weakness...

good luck, man.

 

yeah i say quit initiating contact with him period. if he contacts you nd you choose to hang out and he starts calling you names tell him once to stop and if he does it again,beat the ever loving shit out of him.

 

Thanks for the advice. While I haven't talked to him since he went nuts at the movies, I haven't talked to any of my other friends in that circle - which kinda sucks, but I really don't want to deal with my cousin like that anymore.

I honestly doubt that he will come around, I think he seriously believes that I did something wrong by "acting different" during that two week period that I still hung out with them but got more and more pissed by the lack of respect shown towards me.

It makes me waver in my thinking that I was disrespected - I'm not clingy, I believe that I am just forgiving of my friends, perhaps all too suddenly. I have forgave and forgotten (not entirely) many times and this is basically how everything escalated. This is the first time I've not hung out or seen my cousin within 10 days for many many many years, which is strange to think of.

We are very close and in hindsight, I think he is the one that is more needy of me. He calls me childish and immature, yet he is the one that constantly looks to me for advice on "what should I do?" or tells me about situations as if to get me to tell him what to do. I just think a lot of his insults are his own projection of his feelings towards himself.
He constantly hooks up with girls and then brags about it as if he were afraid anyone were to question his sexuality - then goes on to call me gay because I don't have a similar sexual history to his? Seems quite odd for a cousin/best friend who claims to "love ya man"

It's just so funny how he is yelling at me to "shut the fuck up" because his watching Transformers 2 was ruined by my total of 4 comments and laughing one hour, and an hour later is telling me how I act different around them, that I am childish, and that I am just loud and obnoxious. Who was the one that ever yelled like a fucking idiot in a full parking lot?

I talked to my other friend, who is younger and isn't as close with my cousin and a friend we hang out with a lot, and he totally agreed with me that my cousin is just embarrassing to be around. Which is sad, I sometimes felt he was a little embarrassing, but now seeing that other people feel the same way all the time around him is just kind of a downer - I used to be associated with him - I still am (which I believe is why I am not invited to do anything with my old friends)

I'm pretty much over it, I don't want to waste my time explaining it to him any time soon if he is going to come back and claim that I instigated it somehow, or that in some way it is my fault that I am called names, put in very uncomfortable situations because of him, talked down towards and to have my name ground in dirt when he speaks of me to others.

Perhaps it is for the better, I am moving for college and he is not - had to cut the cord sometime.

 

Well, all I can say is that the same thing is going on between two of my friends. Well...was going on. For moooonths now its just been them basically hating each other, talking lots of shit behind each others backs. It was really uncool. (especially when you had to be in the middle of it). So, they ended up cutting the cord. I see both of them now and I can see that while its a tragedy that the two of them parted ways, its also somewhat-if not completely, healthy.
For your situation it could be different, seeing as its your cousin, but sometimes all you need is distance. Who knows maybe when you go off to college and come back he will be grateful to have a friend like you.

 

I am trying not to speak poorly about him to others, and I have successfully kept my friends out of the situation - the disappointing thing (and what started a lot of it) is that he is the one that talks shit about me and the one that has gotten our friends into it as well.

So...am I to sabotage my other friendships in order to avoid my cousin? I am trying not to, but it is hard to be anywhere near my cousin without him coming closer to me and then eventually he will shit talk me and do the whole schpiel over again - something I don't want to deal with anymore.

 

When I start having dreams about cussing my cousin out, I can tell it has really, really gotten to me...

 

As HHB said, avoid contact, also let him no you dont appreciate his disrespect, of course you dont have to make a big deal out of it if youre avoiding contact.

As far as your other friends are concerned, it seems to me that the terms on which you are friends with your cousin is one that puts him into power and takes yours away. It may be required to view your cousin as an 'enemy' to a degree, if you can manage that.

In any case, I think it might be interesting if you were to update us on how it goes.

 

Ask your friends to hang out without your cousin. If someone else invites him, be nice. Slowly drift away. He has to learn to respect you, and if he can't, why would you spend time with someone like that anyway?

 

I just haven't even been hanging around the same circle at all...and it is fine for me. I am gonna be doing my own thing at college anyways.

I guess he was talking trash about one of my other friends the other night to a girl (precisely the type of thing that was irritating me) and my friend called him out on it. He shut up

I was at the party and he avoided me pretty well. :| I really am tired of caring about it

It is obvious that he is acting immature and when he decides to grow up is when I will hang out with him - though it is never going to be the same for various reasons.

 

good luck, man... you're going to college. It'll be one heck of an experience... Enjoy it. You'll notice that the older you get, the further away you'll get from people you don't "click" with, and the closer you'll get to those you do.

 

i hope i click with people :S

 

Your cousin needs to grow up. I'd say stay away from him for a few years and see if he shapes up. If not, screw that.

 

precisely what i have been doing and it has been going well...i actually feel a lot better about myself and i am not constantly concerned about stupid shit like hangin with girls that i might get shit about from him...

so it's all good, and i'm a lot happier than ive been in a while

 

he loves startin shit with other people and my friends act like they want me to do somethin about it

:\

im stuck, yo
fuck this dude for real, i want somebody to knock some sense into his head - whether it calls for a physical knock to his head or not

what do you do about a dude that gives no respect and acts like hes hot shit? he doesnt respect anyone, for real...and the few people that he does respect would be gettin that if they called him out - he'd turn his shit right around and do it to someone else. i for real feel like this dude is just an evil twin of some sort...i have hard time sayin hes even fuckin family when he acts like such a fuckin d-bag to others too...

gimmeh some wweeed weed yallz...

 

maybe it's an identity crisis... Keep in mind you guys are young. He won't get far in life acting the way he does. While it might be "cool" for now to have this added confidence to be able to call people out in this way, the older he gets, the more people will realize he's an asshole, and the worse things will get for him . ..


don't worry about it, man. He's already almost lost a cousin and a best friend. When he realizes what he's done, it'll hit him very hard.

 

stop hanging out 2gethter.

 

quit whining like a bitch

 

I can't believe no one's said this yet...

All the situations you explained were very vague except the movie incident, where you admit you kept speaking, and he kept asking you not to, and you disregarded him. Is it really just me, or doesn't it sound like YOU were the one being disrespectful and deserved for him to go apeshit on you?