how would you feel if you found out you had had sex with someone 2 years later..

No he evidently knew she was very intoxicated, and yet still had sex with her that's very untrustworthy. The fact he wanted to tell her just proves he had a guilty conscience which clearly means he must feel ashamed of something.

My age hasn't changed on here to my knowledge.

 

Maybe, I have seen wrong, I swear it said 15 before, and when I saw that I thought "I thought he was older" =S
But he could just be guilty because it's basically seen as the guy's fault if anything happens while a girl is intoxicated, and he's falling into that.

I mean, none of us were there, we have no clue how much if any he resisted and we have no clue how much she was coming on to him.
Just because she doesn't remember, it's his fault?
It's her fault she was in a condition that she wouldn't remember.
Same goes with alcohol. Girls drink as much as they want, and then blame the guys that they slept with, rather than their own consumption of too much alcohol.
I agree it's not cool to purposely take advantage of a chick while she's intoxicated - but that isn't always the case.

Does this make him blameless? I don't know, again, none of us were there.
But I'm just saying, she should be appreciative that he told her, and obviously he is remorseful, so she shouldn't be overly hard on him.

 

I'm not mad at him.

I'm just embarassed.. and shocked.

And well everything I said before.

Thanks for the opinions though, I really needed them.

 

Yeah, I really hope they help for you to think things over.
And don't let it make you feel too bad - things happen, and though I understand you must feel extremely awkward, try to rationalize it. And of course, learn from it.

As far as your relationship with him, I don't think it could hurt to talk about him with it more.

 

You were right.

 

Blame it on the a-a-a-alco-hol!

 

I had sex with a girl and I have no memory of it. I know cuz I woke up with her, it wasn't good cuz I had a girlfriend at the time so that didn't have a happy ending. But hey, I'm an alcoholic so when I stopped drinking I stopped doing things that I don't remember.

 

this

 

By law, though, it is considered rape. I'm not sure why he told her...maybe a guilty conscience? I sure hope he wasn't trying to say that she should get checked for STIs.

 

I wouldn't feel anything. I'd be too busy adding to my notch collection.

 

That could be good or bad.... someone else bought them, but you didn't use one....

It wasn't like they were at a party, she asked for help, he knew she was not in good condition, he was to be a good friend, a good friend would turn down any advances if they know you NEED HELP.

Girls who intentionally go to parties, dress slutty, and get drunk... yes that is their fault they knew what would happen BEFORE they were intoxicated with RANDOM strangers... and they do it over and over... I feel there is a huge difference.

 

A perfect friend would. He's human, he can't be perfect.
I do agree with you that there is a difference, but when she's the one initiating it, not every guy could resist, even if he means to be a good friend. In the moment, it's quite easy to trick yourself into believing that it's not just the drug.
As far as we know, she came on to him, and was willing at the time - so I think it's ridiculous to put full blame on him, like half the people on this thread.
I'm not saying he's perfect or blameless, but I'm saying no one is.

 

i dunno what i'd think...probably pure awesomeness though

 

"A perfect friend would. He's human, he can't be perfect."

There is a middle ground.

"I do agree with you that there is a difference, but when she's the one initiating it, not every guy could resist, even if he means to be a good friend. In the moment, it's quite easy to trick yourself into believing that it's not just the drug."

It wouldn't matter you still shouldn't advance yourself if you know the person's extremely intoxicated.

"As far as we know, she came on to him, and was willing at the time - so I think it's ridiculous to put full blame on him, like half the people on this thread.
I'm not saying he's perfect or blameless, but I'm saying no one is"

She could have came on to him, but it's the responsiblity of the sober person to stop it.

I am not saying he raped her really I am saying he did take advantage of her, and he's not a good person.

 

I agree, I feel many users aren't recognizing that and demonizing his actions.

Shouldn't, but sometimes, your body does truly act independent of what you consciously will.

I think he's a good person for telling her, as he could've easily gotten away with it, but I will agree that he was not acting good at the time.
And I agree that that is his responsibility, but I am saying that both people should be accountable - if one isn't, why put the blame on the other?
They both did bad.
He took advantage of the situation, sure. But I don't agree with the strong connotation of immoral that goes with that. Sometimes, it's horribly wrong (such as when they're sleeping), sometimes, it can just be a slip up.

 

You did a lot of drugs then if I remember correctly, or maybe he was just really bad?

 

If it weren't for that point, I would say he probably just gave into temptation even though he knew it was wrong. It can be hard to turn down a good lookin women even though she probably wouldn't make that decision sober. Hell, odds are he was partying too. But when you know that she is that fucked up......any guy with a shred of decency would just laugh off any advances made. I don't care how hot or horny she is.

This is why I don't take xanax

 

As I said, if she had woke up the next morning and decided to press charges, that boy would have been in a world of legal trouble.

Maybe some of you don't believe that questions of right and wrong are more important than questions of nice or not nice. I do. It might not be nice to say that this guy took advantage of her-- but from all the information that we've been given so far, I feel very comfortable in saying that what this guy did was wrong.

How does one shift one's thoughts from, "Oh My God! Maybe I should take her to the hospital!" to, "It's time to get a nut!" about the same girl, in the same evening?

Every man with moral decency is capable of controlling himself well enough to take responsibility for the situation when his female friend (and there's another discussion) is out of her mind on xanax.

Also, Duck -- the body does not act independently of the will except in simple, muscular reflexes and autonomic processes like digestion. If your body sometimes acts independently of your will, you need very serious help. You could kill someone.

 

Id think God this sounds like something Penny would make a thread out of in Hipforums

 

maybe a little embarresed---but scince im i guy id try to have it over again saying that didnt count cas i dont remember shit---yeah im a pig--oh and all you girls trying to press charges ive had sex with women and then they got guity consionnes and would be embarresed cas we hardly knew each other and as soon as they wre done theygot all weird---talking shit about --im just a slut--how could this happen----you were horny chick--i actually had to stay with a girl and comfort her all night cas she was about to cry rape or something---girls get just as horny as guys and that crying rape is bullshit---why were they with you in the first place---no roofies involved just casual sex--but some chicks got a guilty consionscious and scared the shit out of me with there pseudo rape talk--forcing me to stay with themall night when i wanted to go backout to party