Hey everyone. I have a little problem. my girlfriend is a virgin. She wants to have a sex, but she has told me she is extremely afraid of the pain. She says she even thinks something might be wrong with her. Told me she has tried using tampons and she can only insert it half way in. Last night we were fooling around, i got her really wet and asked if i could stick a finger in. I put my pinky all the way in her, didnt feeling anything unusual, held it there for a while and then slowly pulled it back out. She said it was painfull, and she felt a lot of pressure. I keep telling her that she has to work at stretching it, and that its comppletely normal. Any thoughts would be helpfull
i have never been able to insert a tampon but could have sex just fine. if its that painful, have her get a checkup just in case. some people are just extremely small though.
The upside of this whole situation is that if you have a small penis, it's going to make you feel like a big guy. If you have a normal sized penis it's really going to make you feel like you are strapping some heat! For your ego's sake, she sounds like a keeper...
Just take it slow, dude. Sounds like she's really tight, so am I. So believe me when I say it works to: get her used to one finger, then move to two, then try fucking... Of course it'll hurt, she's a virgin. No way to avoid it. Deal with, pain comes with life. Have fun.
There are ways to correct anything! She seems to have two problems: fear of sex and low tolerance for pain. Definitely a job for a sex therapist - a real, educated one, with diplomas on the wall! Don't try to screw around first, you may hostle her up against sex FOR LIFE. Lots of hugging, kissing, rolling around, working on her nipples with your tongue for long minutes, etc. meanwhile. Keep away from vulva until you get to the therapist. But make sure she knows she's yours and yours alone. Won't take long once she gets professional help. Stick with her, she sounds sooo honest - hard to find! Toronto is a big city. Find one quick!
I'd be interested to hear how this turned out. I had a pretty similar problem to your girlfriend, as a teenager I could not insert tampons (went through a whole box trying though lol), and was scared to try sex because of the pain factor. My first boyfriend was really understanding, that helps a lot. We took it kinda slowly, and only tried penetration when I was ready. It was too painful to actually have sex the first time we tried, but we thought it was no big deal and would try again next time. The next time it was still too painful, and we prolly tried six times over a week or so, before I started thinking either it was all in my head or there was something wrong with me. We had sex other ways, and would try penetration occasionally over the next couple months, with no success. It felt like he could get in a little ways, but it was painful past that, which is why I thought it was all in my head. Thinking I was just being a wuss about the pain, one time I told my boyfriend to just fuck me gently and I would ignore the pain, hoping it would help stretch me or something. He did (& finished) only going in with the head of his penis but it was still really painful, and no improvement. Eventually I went to see a doctor about it, who referred me to a gynecologist, who told me I had a super-strong hymen. Basically it was too strong to break on its own, and the hole was too small for anything to get through. This was not what I had expected, because it felt like he had entered past where my hymen would be and it was tight past that (I figured my hymen broke riding horses, which is common). I had my hymen surgically removed a few months after that, but we broke up before the whole process was finished (it took about 10 months from first trying sex to being finished with surgery). It's now a few years later, I still tried sex since but I've been able to wear tampons and insert my own finger in without pain. I have a new boyfriend and if all goes well we're going to have sex for the first time next week! He knows the whole story and will go slowly, so hopefully all goes well.
Wow that was really long, but I wanted to share because I think it's a problem more people should be aware of. I have no idea if it's common or not, but it's not something I've heard of anyone else having (not really something you talk about lol)
What about a dildo? Buy her a small vibrator type, and let her start with that. I've always figured that girls essentially lose their virginity to toys anyway.
If she can't even insert a tampon, I doubt she will be able to hand a dildo either. I'm a virgin and am worried about when I have sex if it will be painful. I can use tampons, but they hurt sometimes. This thread made me even more worried. I thought I was just being silly and when the time came it may hurt a little, but not as much as I was thinking. Now I'm thinking, fuck, what if it hurts so bad that I can never have sex. Dear god, that would suck.
Being male I obviously can't speak from experience, but I've heard it said that the pain of losing virginity is like the pain of giving birth inasmuch as it's not a pain you remember and that once it's over & done with it's pleasure all the way. However, as to the veracity of this statement I have no idea. Perhaps some of the girls (and/or mothers) can give their views.
I think there's a huge range of experiences when losing your virginity, from virtually no pain to quite a bit. I just happen to be on the worse end of that spectrum . Although I don't know if saying it was more painful is accurate, just that for most people the pain is temporary while for me it was not. But don't let it scare you about sex because for most women it's not that bad. And pain occasionally with tampons is normal I think if you haven't lost your hymen.
Never, NEVER have sex with a virgin. Just don't do it! Don't. Let her go get drunk at a frat party or ride home with some guy she met in a bar. If she's not ready to throw caution to the wind, she's not ready.
This is a little off the wall, but why can't a doctor simply break/cut the hymen for you? It would be a five-minute deal, the tampon thing would be fixed, and almost no stress over the pain of sex. Just a thought.
Inserting tampons may hurt a little because of no lubrication. If you are aroused and wet and still can't insert your finger withiut pain go see a doctor. It is possible you have vagninismus. It means your muscles clench so much that they hurt. Resources for painful intercourse/penetration: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/pink/the_fbi_files_vaginismus http://www.scarleteen.com/article/pink/from_ow_to_wow_demystifying_painful_intercourse
