Marriage...

I have 1 and a half year with the love of my life...and its been so great and beautiful!!!!.
But, abiut a week ago she told me she wanted to marry me....and first I thought she was kedding, but she is so serious!!!...and I got scare!!!....and dont know but I dont want to get marry, but she thinks I dont want any serius thing with her, and she is wrong cause I would live wih, her, and make everything togheter cause I love her with all my heart...but, I dont want to marry her....
Why is that?? maybe because Im too young ??? ( Im 19, shes20)...or because my parents have a horrible marriage??? do you think it could possibly be that I dont love her enough????...
Thanks for your answers.....

 

i doubt its cause you don't love her enough. Honestly I bet it's cause your so young. Thats fine if she wants to marry you, that doesn't mean you have to get married. Your still so young. Just enjoy today. When tomorrow comes, enjoy tomorrow. You will KNOW when it's the right time for you to get married. For now just enjoy spending your days here with someone you love. Why put a legal title to it? It is what it is. Peace dude

 

don't do it..take it from someoene who got married 24 days after her 21st birthday...i am now 24 and things arent going so well...wait and if things are still great in a few years then consider it. especially if you haven't had sex with other people,,,you may not know what else is out there...we are in an open relationship so i have had sex with other people and one in particular is a million times better so that can cause problems to.. just my opinion

 

Wait, if she really loves you and cares for you she will be okay with the option. Just because you are in engaged it doesn't mean you have to jump right into anything, what the worst that will happen in the situation?

If someone loves you and wants to be with you they won't push you in marriage, they will stay by your side until you are ready. It's the companionship of the person, not the label that matters.

 

Mairrage is a way of life, as much as it is a decision. The decision to have it as a way of life and feel pleasure from it MORE than harship, is a direct outcome of how much you know what you will feel, think and ACT like about the thousands of potential things that we think, feel and act about in life, for the rest of your life. When you marry someone it is your responsibility that you understand both how you will feel about a multitude of things that directly affect your feelings, thoughts and actions towards the person you marry. AND also the types of things that will come into your life.

NAturally, I will never be able to marry for longer than what I imagine is a reasonable time frame - such as 3-5 years(depending on how good the relationship is). Also, we would hypothetically already talk about the liklihood that we may not be able to keep our commitment...so it wouldnt really be a commitment, more of a light promise, to most likely some financial things. Beyond that you would have to either have the skills, knowledge and prediction capacities that entail the above assumptions about 'promising you ill be able and willing to love someone and mantain sanity, happiness and relaxation.

As a reflection of our skills and most likely our inbility to re-think cutural norms due to lack of education on them, 50 % mairrages in the latest decades have lasted less than 5 years and a majority of the percentage that stays in their promise, unwittedley report problems in their maiirage, that are constant and have given rise to notions of divorce in both spouses.

My theory about mairrage and why it causes problems is quite spot on, as me and m partner went throug as period where we tested this and talked about this ecstatically for months, less so now. It revolves around our inability to adapt culural norms to our present technological and highly connected world. In short, before those that were mairraged and who made the promise to live together their whole lives, did so in a time where there existed small rural communities with little to no connection to the outside world. This made for a situation where the option to meet new and after a while of the same old same old, exciting people, inexistent. Due to the lack of internet dating sites, such as lavalife, craiglist etc etc. This made for a situation where people could not see that there was better people than who they are with, due to the philosphical law of comparisons. A law thats assumes " If there is nothing for an individual to compare thing A to that the individual knows of, then thing A will always take precedence over thing B C D ETC ETC, not because thing A is better, but because in order for someone to have an opinion of thing A, they need atleast one more thing, to do so. Take a small town for instance, population 300, farm community. PErson A see's their relationship, compares it to relationship B, see's that its the same thing and see's no reason for change. Ok,now take Toronto, population 2 000 000, where you see 300 potential new relationships to compare to your already existing one, in lets say, two days. The likelihood that you will want to change is much larger this TIME period than it was before and this is the major reason why maiirage worked before but fails us now...theres so much more to choose from and experience, even when we have already chosen...Then ADD in ALL the potential people you will meet on sites like these and you may just see that what I advertised and have already bought on sale from book and alot of experimentation, is a better bargain than its evolutionary weaker, but no by nessecity to all, stronger cultural paradigm.

I hope this helps you to more stable, relaxed, adventurous and passionatly explosive relationships, minus the unawaranted heartbreak.

Fair well and focus all your might, repitition is the key.

 

PS. I am not superman and encourage everyone to read, criticize, enact, experiment what has been advertised.

Oh and good day, may we crisp tenderly in the sun.

 

Changehappens -- you're mad.

 

I know I havent met a person smarter than me on this matter. Your judgment does nothing for me, especially since 'you' have no impact on my life in a positive way, I dont have to compromise with you and prove to you otherwise. I imagine that you thought mairrage was simple. Well, this is a simplified version of mairrage. Anything less would show that you have no idea what you are doing to your life with mairrage and because of this you loose control over the direction of your life.....

 

Yep. Nutty. Imaginitive, but without regard for linear logic.

 

hahah. Okay.

Lets see

"Changehappnes -- you're mad!"

I've seen more linear logic in a church mans sermon but this does nothing for me or you because linear logic in communication is following a set of premises, making them explicit and the reasoning behind the premises, before you make a conclusion.

I have never been happier with my relationships and I will not stop using rational and thought invoking insights that I have given, in light of your "Linear Logic" that comes without any premises that would allow for open communication. You seem to just imagine that our communication will close on this judgment, I would suggest that you stop wasting your time, your advertisements are failed attempts to make you feel good about yourself, I am a sold out product.

I wish that people like you would simply leave places where reasonable communication is necessary or simply learn to articulate your conclusions through following the rules of open and reasonable communication.

1. Make a statement of your conclusion.
2. Show what thought need to be reasonably believed in order to come to that conclusion.
3. Prove why those thoughts are believable.

I believe that GOD does not exist. In order to believe this you must believe that there was never a need for life to be created and that it was always here. I believe this because "Matter cannot be created or destroyed" Therefore, I must believe that GOD does not exist.

 

There are no people like me.

 

A person is a sum reflection of the emotional, intellectual and intentional experiences the give others. Therefore by this definition, yes there are people like you who use this mode of communication. You see, your statement depends on me having the same definition of a person. Since I most likely do not, your sentence is arbitrary, as would be any response that does not attempt to clear this preliminary component of a useful intellectual exchange, once one or both of the communicators has located this problem.

 

What? A person is much more than the sum reflection of the emotional, intellectual and intentional experiences he or she gives others. A person has an objective existence independent of anyone else's perceptions. You have no idea who I am-- you only deal with your own perceptions of what I choose to write. To say that your ideas about who I am are all that I am is arrogant and solipsistic. The problem with solipsism-- it is an intensely lonely world-view. Every word you write just convinces me further that you really are mad...or that you'd have us believe that you are.

 

standingseated and ChangeHappens: please stay on topic.

 

i'd say if your asking the question, then you already have the answer.
as far as how to break it to her that your not ready to be married, say something noble, like 'i want to wait until im more responsible and able to take care of things before we talk about getting married' that should buy you a couple of years.

 

I was not arguing about what a person is, I am trying to show you basic communication skills. I was showing you my conception of what 'person' means to me. This is worthless, Dude, if you get married I garuntee you will find yourself into trouble. Just like the 1 out of 5 people that get married divorce after the first 5 years.

 

Changehappens -- I guarantee that I will take your warning for every bit of what it's worth.

Musikero -- right you are. I'll do my best. Please continue.

 

As a summary of what has been said.

Marriage is a way of life that will most likely be successful if both individuals can;
1. Predict how they will feel.
2. Predict how the will think.
3 Predict how they will act.
4. Know how their fiance will feel.
5. know how their fiance will think.
6. Know how their fiance will act.
7. And as the most complicated how all of these aspects will inter-act and mix to produce results. Ie. Will you feel positive towards the way they will think? Will you feel positive about the way they will act? Would you think positive about the way they will act? Would you act positively towards the ways they will feel and act? Etc ETC.

These are all very complex aspects that require deep understanding, honesty and trust to fully feel, think and act like you completely understand these things.

All this is in the context of "For the rest of their entire existence in this dynamic, technologically advanced and interconnected world."

 

Change happens, Are you saying success relies on having everything in common, thinking alike, wanting same goals, having same tastes and interests. Should the person be very close in behavior as their partner?