I wanna cut so bad,I had a relapse of cutting a few days back and it has been getting worse from there. My depression has returned and is worse then ever and it is taking all I have to keep from slipping up again. I hope to make a appointment with my Doc tomorrow and get back on anti depressants and something for the anxiety I have been experiencing.
I called the doc today and the next possible opening in her schedule is in two weeks, two fucking weeks to talk to her for 20 minutes, come on.
Not that I have found. I have tried it all that I know of, yet here I am again. I might note that this is the third time this has happened in more than five years, this one the worst, what brought it on this time I have no clue.
what its broken down to is you. your the only one able to help yourself out. if you keep looking for outlets which might help, youll still come up short. your still the only one who has to fight it. Its all will power. YOU must overcome this!
If I was you I would maybe try to find a free womens counselling center, there is usually one in most cities, unless you live somewhere super small. Either way, you have to find the strength within yourself to heal from this as well, and not rely on anyone else. Good luck and feel free to message me if you need anyone to talk too. I've been there.
Counseling would be the next step, It helped before and can help again. I did fine for almost five years on my own with only minor relapses. This time was just so sudden and overwhelming. I will be talking with my doctor within the week to see my options of maybe a mild antidepressant. I am not I big fan of prescription drugs but I have not found a natural alternative that made any difference in my mood and when I get severely depressed there is no talking myself down unfortunately. Once I get my mind back on tract I can ween myself off the drugs and keep healthy on my own again.
Sorry to hear you're not doing well. Give yourself credit for reaching out for therapy and also to us.. best wishes to you
Thank you all for the support and advise, it's always reassuring to know there is a place where you can express yourself without ridicule.
nature burnt, nature.... go to a local state park or nature reserve ALONE.... and just look around. Absorb what is around you, just think, explore your mind, try to connect with the earth, and what this all means. I did this last week, spent a couple hours hiking, and taking pictures on my own. Being around nature just does something. I was "diagnosed" with personality disorder, chronic depression, and ptsd after i got injured. ALL of those diagnoses' where ridiculous and were a product of the legal drug industry and the doctors that profit from it. sorry if this doesn't make sense, i'm on my 3'rd 40oz for the night lol, just throwing my thoughts and experience out.
I've been there, and now I get to live with people always asking me what the scars are from. Or, when they already know and just look at them with pity in their eyes. I really wish I had never done it, I feel like the scars are just a big sign of my momentary weakness for everyone to see. I hope that you are able to overcome this. And you are always free to message me if you want someone to talk to. I somewhat know what it's like.
Starscream That makes perfect sense I just got to get back to the point of enjoying the beauty of nature.
Luckily no one has yet to ask where my scars come from, but I think they already know without asking.
cutting is a negative reinforcement in that when you cut you take away something negative (usually anxiety, depressed feelings) it does make you feel better then for a short time (despite the fact that it is destructive) reinforcing the behavior. Being a reinforcement the more you do it the more you are likely to do it again. You are essentially teaching yourself to do this as a habit. It is also very addictive as it releases endorphins. You can wear a rubber band or hair tie and snap it instead, you can surf the urge as in feeling the need to cut adknowledging it surfing up and then over and then down it recognizing all your thoughts and feelings along the way, you could use a marker to draw and write on yourself instead. In the end though I would say this is something hard to overcome without regular as in weekly or biweekly therapy sessions. I'm not against taking medication if you need it but you need to actually find the root of the cutting i'd say and then tackle working through that so you can resist the urge mentally not just eliminate it temporarily. Best of luck. It isn't easy. But it can be done! There is hope! Positive energy towards you
Oh my, this is... horrible. Burnt, I know we don't speak exclusively, but I was literally thinking about your posts last night.... The wisdom, very humble. It pains me to see you in need, and not able to help. I hope you find what you need, and please keep us posted on your current state. I know you are not only a strong and good person, but a valued one as well. Even if you don't know them, people are impacted by you.
I don't mean to be a dick to people who cut but... can I please give my psoriasis to you? It stings and burns all the time, you'd love it.
I haven't relapsed in a few months, but the last time, I ended up cutting my lower leg up not realizing how deep and while it's healing, it's so red and noticeable right now. I regret that. I know what you're going through and it sucks. I hope your doc is understanding. If you ever need to talk, PM me.
Well I have not cut in over a week and finally am medicated with something that does not make things worse. The last two made me angry and caused my panic attacks to worsen. Now I must see what the new script does "crosses me toes" I hope this one is the one to pull me out of the hole. I got prescribed to Ativan for my panic attacks and it is working well. I just hope I do not build a dependence on it. Also thank you all for your kind words.
Hopefully you have a close friend that you can sit down and talk with. My friend was a "cutter" and sometimes just did it cause she found it as a way to get attention from people to listen to her.
