social anxiety and isolation.

I wouldn't call this whining necessarily, but I do need to get this out somewhere and hopefully find someone who can relate.

I love being outside. I love people. but for some reason I let anxiety get in the way of my plans and end up spending a lot of time indoors and alone. usually I can't articulate my fears.. I just feel generally nervous and critical of myself when I'm around others and it keeps me from doing the things I like to do.

advice/insight from those who understand anxiety appreciated.

 

it takes time. i used to be the same way. i would suggest a healthy dose of rejection and humiliation.

srsly. once i had enough rejection and humiliation, i realized that these things only affect me if i let them. you have to face your fear to overcome them.

good luck

 

i feel the same in some respects.

i dont love people in general though.

and im happier being outside and alone or with someone special, but i know what you mean. i hate going to town and stuff, i get really self conscious and nervous and like you im very critical of myself, and dont deal with rejections very well, so tend to not get close enough to people to allow that to happen.

im not sure what advice i could give as im not better, but maybe wat NP says is right, maybe we should get out there and face the fears head on. best way to concur it perhaps?

 

Just an idea -- you could try doing something (safe) that you would otherwise consider completely crazy and/or daring. Perhaps ask a boy (or girl) you really like out on a date. Something along those lines.

 

exactly what i mean

 

These are helpful thoughts. Thank you for your input, everyone.
I suppose putting myself out there and facing whatever I fear could help.

 

Fear of the unexpected tends to go hand in hand with isolation and security. We build these walls to keep ourselves safe from the "unexpected," because we don't know what that entails. We assume there are expectations expected of us that we cannot meet, and fear rejection and embarrassment.

We all long to be accepted by our race, although many will never admit it. We all want attention, we all want the world. We never move past our infant-like desires to embrace attainment.

Here's my advice to you: If you really want to go do something, you will feel like doing it. If you receive anxiety and fear from the very thought of a specific activity, perhaps you needn't do it. Perhaps you feel like you should do it?

Digest

 

?????

 

You are not alone many thousands of people have social anxiety for some reason or another. For me I still deal with it but have decided a long time ago probably around 28 yrs old to just go and try. I have been rejected banged up etc... point is you will never know until you try I have had some awesome experiences by facing fears and overcoming them and sometimes not. You can not get the time you spent hiding back but you can create new memories and experience life. Peace Love and Tube Rides

 

This touched me, thank you. eace:

 

i didn't read through other peoples' replies, but i deal with anxiety/insecurity around people sometimes. what's helped me lately is, rather than trying to push it out of my mind/ignore it and get caught up on it...i accept it and just don't let it bother me. it's kinda hard to describe. rather than letting it make me socially awkward, i accept it as anxiety. accept that some people might notice. and just be myself otherwise. if i don't feel like talking, i don't talk. i dunno...that's really all i can say about that.

 

I went through a period of this, where I was socially active but it was hard for me to accept how noticeable it might have been to others. sounds like I just need to accept that it's a part of who I am and people accept me or not.. that's their prob.

thanks for the ideas man

 

no problem dude. good luck.

 

anxiety is a bitch.

you see, you can read all about it, we can all give you wise and acceptable advice...
but in the end... anxiety is an irrational emotion...
you can reason with it, think about it, decide what would you do if...
but to beat it - you will need either go counseling (wise advice), medication (conventional or alternative - homeopathy is really very helpful, i say that from personal experience) or - facing those fears and going public!

i was socially very anxious... in a way, i still am... but am doing much better now.
and i know how to face new fears when they come (and they always do:/ )... and i have an idea how could i solve them when i feel strong enough...

on the other hand,
i had another problem,
i was anxious in general, and i couldn't spend any time on my own either, i was panically afraid of solitude...
which, when i think of it now, is funny... it wasnt funny then...
but it worked for me!!
you will be fine!

you already did a first step - you asked for help. that means you are ready to work on it...

but, to be able to help more:
give us an example, what would you like to do, but you are afraid of?
lets think of a strategy together...

 

i have this problem too, it has gotten worse as ive gotten older. back when i was in school till i was in my early 20s i loved having fun with people, i had many friends and always wanted to go out and do something. then all my good friends moved away, started families and careers, and i just havent been able to make friends that stick around. so i spend a lot of time at home by myself or with my boyfriend. we rarely go out because he suffers from the same problem (not a good combination!) if i was around a group of people in a party setting, i would be totally anxious, not know what to say etc. and when i have to go to the store, i totally close up and just get kinda scared when i get there. i used to be so bad that i would only go tot the store in the middle of the night when there was less people. i go during the day now, one thing i try to remember is that most people these days are too caught up in there own lives to even notice me, or to give my appearrance more than a minute or two of thought. also, a lot of these people i will probably never see again, so why care what they think about me? its a hard thing to deal with, you just gotta get out and get done what you need to get done. the more you do it the less scary it will be.

 

definitely. i find that it's worse for me when i haven't been out much lately.

 

ghostkitty, thanks for relating and offering advice! I think you're right, it's a matter of just getting out there, too. I'll try to keep in mind the things that you remember when you're out in public (I used to only grocery shop late at night, too) and hopefully it will help me feel less anxious in the moment.

First, thank you so much for posting here and sharing your thoughts with me.. it's comforting to hear some of you relating to me.

well last night I took a big step and went to a roller skating rink with my sister, something random we wanted to do for fun.. and that was a pretty anxious situation at first but it ended up being a lot of fun! But it really helped that she was there with me..

something I'd like to do is go out tomorrow to the park because there will be free live music playing and usually hundreds of people go to this.. I'll try to see if a friend is free to go but if not I'd still like to go alone. I don't want my anxiety to keep me from going..

 

your welcome! and good job on the skating rink, that is definitely one of those places where anxiety would get me. now about that concert in the park, thats a tough one, i dont know if i would be able to go to something like that alone, i would probably go down there with the intention of going, but then chicken out at the last minute and not get out of the car. but then again, i think that may be one of those situations where every one will be caught up in having their fun, and will not notice that you are there alone. i'd say just go for it. go down there, go up to the crowd, and remember that if its too much for you you can always leave knowing that you took the step to at least try it.

 

ok,
going to a park to a music festival is much easier than going to a club. really.

because people do go to parks alone...

also, it is crowded, but, you can find a place in a comfortable distance from other people, much better, than lets say, in a club, or any indoor thing...

so,
going to a park festival is a great idea, a great start!!

dont you think?

or is there something else that would be troubling you in that situation?

 

Somone in this thread said it pretty good. It takes practice dude. The more you actually go out, the easier gets being around people you don't know and striking up convo with them. First couple of times I went in the bar by myself it was aqward as fuck. Then i started becoming more comfortable with the bar tenders, which made me feel more comfortable with being there, and it led to me talking to more and more people... so it was kinda a controlled environment. Now I have no problem walking in somewhere not knowing anyone and just hitting people up that look chill.