horrible dreams despite great life?

i've had weird dreams all my life, but lately i've been having some of the most horrible i can remember for a long time. they're very vivid and very graphically disturbing. i can handle STRANGE dreams and even "gross" dreams like where you dream about sleeping with an annoying coworker or something, but these dreams make me wake up and feel dirty. i'm a writer- i have a splendid and sadistic imagination- but i've never dreamed about such horrible things. i won't go into detail for your guys' sake, but what gets me is why i'm having them NOW.

for the first time in forever i am happy- i've rekindled a passion for photography, i'm writing more, i'm completely in love- and for me my dreams have mostly been for unfulfilled desires, in whatever way. these are just disturbing to the point of nausea. i understand there's something in my head that's trying to get out, but what? i've been depressed for years, sure, i get that bit, but why NOW of all times?

actually, i think i may have just figured it out. it may be the suppressed anger i feel at no longer feeling "allowed" to do all the things i was comfortable with before- smoking, drinking, trashing myself. but in that case, how will they ever stop?

sorry this is so muddled.

 

I don't know how much I can help you. It sounds like you're in the right area to me though.
I find with my anxiety problems, sometimes, the better things are, the worse they will get inside. Like the anxiety disorder isn't comfortable with the happiness so it gets angry and starts fucking with me in the unconscious where I can't reach it as easily.
Maybe it could be similar with your depression?
I think the ending part of your post is sort've negative. If you worry about the dreams so much in waking life, you'll only make them worse. You have to try to let go of the troubles they cause you while your sleeping when you wake up =)

And if you have the money or healthcare - no shame in counseling =)

 

I also tend to have my worst dreams during my best periods. I think our unconscious minds tend to try to balance things out, sort of? So that when we're happy, our minds adjust by not letting us get too complacent. I think this is a good thing. Try thinking of your dreams as a resource, instead of as a threat or something unpleasant (even if they are disturbing/nauseating...) Myself, it's pretty sappy I know but I think of dreams as messages from the Holy Ghost and I often pray before going to sleep to have enlightening dreams, no matter how disturbing. And I've had some terrible ones [the kind where you wake up and are too scared to close your eyes again until morning comes...]

What do you mean that you feel dirty?

If it would be helpful, you could share a dream or two and I doubt that anybody would mind bizarre or dirty details. But if it's too private I'll leave it alone. I'm not really qualified to give anybody advice anyhow, I'm just a smarty-pants meddler

 

they are just mental series of images that i am positively astonished that my mind could put together. for example:

1. my boyfriend penetrating our cat anally.
2. a child hacking a hole in his head with scissors.
3. my dog (deceased since october) bleeding to death out of all her orifices and me going back to the place where she died to see the blood spot.

it would appear to me that the dreams are occurring, like i said before, because my subconscious is rebelling in a way that i can't. but i hate it. maybe if i start smoking again it will all go away, eh?

 

barefoot, i got one link into your dreams.
i read other peoples profiles, and go to their websites, if they are given in their profiles, here in the dreams section of hip fourms. sometimes i can find some understanding of their dreams, and i found one part of understanding your dreams.


your into dadaism. i know dada quite well, otto dix is my favorite dadaist artist.
as you know dada=sick shit. in other words dada is nihilistic, and nihilists piss and shit on everything!
dada deals with the absurd and illogical... just like the dreams your having.
your an artist. more then likely, you have a highly sensitive nervous system.
repressing your dreams with drugs, is one hell of a very, very, very horrible ideal!
let your dreams run, they won't hurt you. we're not talking about 'nightmare on elm street' type dreams here.

i have seen, this type of things with dreams happen with creative people happen over and over again... i have gone through myself three (3) different times in my life. myself and others have all agree on one thing after we have gone through it... IT IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPEN TO US!

your in the process of growth. your artistic creativity is forming, to take you into new uncharted realms you never even knew could exist!
i know what i'm talking about here. life well be far, far, greater after you have gone through this growth process!
hang in there, and be gentle with yourself during this time in your life.

 

ACtually, I didn't realize it until this morning; but my dreams have been getting darker as I have been getting happier too.

Lately I tend to have very very gruesome action movie-like scenes in my dreams.
Like Heath Ledger dressed sorta like the Crow in a dilapidated building blowing apart fat people with shotguns in graphic detail.
I can't really remember any others in much detail, as my dreams tend to only stay in my conscious mind for a day except on occasion

 

I feel a bit like I'm derailing the thread, but my worse dreams have included, among other things:

1. A woman locked in a zoo cage. There's a man who comes and repeatedly impregnates her, and another guy dressed in a santa claus suit who comes, rips her open, and eats the fetus.

2. A bunch of little boys out on the sea, raping each other.

3. A man who has been stabbed in the chest and is bleeding this whole ocean of blood, only the blood is boiling and there are a bunch of fried eggs floating in it. Then the man comes back to life and fucks himself with a carrot until it is covered in blood and shit.

There was a period when my dreams were so horrible that I couldn't function at all because I was so terrified about the concept that I was dreaming and unable to wake up.

I consider myself to be pretty well-adjusted despite my sadistic and hyperactive fantasy-mind, and my dreams mean a lot to me even when they're bad. So however you feel about your dreams, don't forget that they DO NOT REFLECT ON YOU PERSONALLY. As somebody else said, you're not responsible for your dream content. If we had to feel "responsible" for what happened in our dreams, we would all go bat-shit crazy without exception. I hope this is somewhat consoling. I would just enjoy them as if you were going out to a gross-out horror film. Otherwise you are at risk of feeling that you are stuck inside that same horror film! I have been there and it is not worth it.

Well, I'm ranting. Hope you find a resolution.

 

here's the deal:

when our lives are going peachy is most often when the weirdest issues in us surface, whether through dreams, waking emotions or what have you.........this is because our conscious mind and egos are finally feeling secure enough that we can let these deep seated issues sift up to the surface - we are in a better place mentally/emotionally/energetically to be able to examine them without destroying our worlds

see it as a sign that things are actually going very, very right