I Have NO Game

Sorry guys but I've gotta rant. I'm on an E backend, super effing depressed, and completely obsessed with a girl. She really didn't seem that interested tonight and given my state of mind I would be dead right now if I had any suicidal tendency whatsoever. I know you don't care but neither do my friends, and I REALLY need some consolation here.

This is the part where I explain my girl skills. There are slim to none. I'm nineteen and I usually lie about this sort of stuff but since y'all don't know me... I've made out with two girls, one of them was drunk and so was I. I've had sex once, and I've done everything in between once all with that same drunk girl. I nearly vomited when I saw her the next day.

I'm attractive enough, the problem is in my personality. I have an extremely shy personality so I don't have many friends. I think my self esteem is pretty bad which is part of the reason I am so shy. The people who get to know me seem to like me. However when I'm trying to establish a relationship with a girl I am so so shy. I almost always subconsciously rule out going for A FUCKING KISS. A STUPID FUCKING KISS. But I can't help it. I'm seriously terrified and I don't know why.

I know so many beautiful girls that I'm now just really good friends with. I am almost positive I could have had something with almost any of them but I always fuck it up and don't make a move. All the girlfriends I ever had came to me first.

Now I met this girl at a party a couple of weekends ago. She is so amazing I haven't been able to think about any other girl for two weeks - that never happens. I got her number, so I called her and we went on a date a couple days later. Now I've just been calling her and I go over to her place at night. She'll lean into my arms but I just haven't found a good moment to go for a kiss. Part of that is because I'm a giant floppy vagina, and the other is that I know she just broke up with a pretty serious boyfriend. But she also hasn't really lead me on at all. We've seen each other about six days now. Have I stalled too long for hope?

I'm not stupid. I'm not some angsty fourteen year old (OMG im n luv wit dat grl!!!) In fact I'm usually fairly sharp. I'm just very very very very very very terrified of initiating ANYTHING when it comes to girls. I always have been and I can't put a finger on it. It's getting to the point that it's negatively impacting my mental well being.

What gives? Respond to as much as you feel you can please. Sorry for the super mega long whiny post, and...

MOTHER​

FUCK​

ECSTASY​

yea

 

You need to find your own way. Stop and think that the options that society gives you, like make a move or dont make a move are not the only, nor even the best ways to approach the first sexual contact with someone.

Personally I was like this too, but then I came to realize that since I get really close to girls and they feel comfy around me that I can just pop the question out of the blue. Besides most girls want to kiss you if they smile alot and feel comfy around you. I like to talk about sex with people before, I even like to talk about why questions like these are awkward before hand to clear the atmosphere and tensions that may arise if it is poped.

So I suggest; talking about it, talking about awkward questions like these. Its just that we have been brought up to believe there is only one way...but ironically its just that type of thinking that stops people because they think its to late and forgoe a better, smoother, conflict less, tension disapearing way to handle this part of our relationships.

Bye buddy friend, keep on typing.

 

Stop believing that any certain girl is special.
Understand there is no such thing as a perfect moment.
Go into situations with clearly defined intentions.
Have no outcome dependency. (Don't "try to establish a relationship". Just interact.)
Your fear is completely irrational. Discard it. Beautiful women want you to engage them and sweep them off their feet. Take charge. Don't wait for or expect them to "lead you on".

These things will all help your "game". But the most important thing is to find out who you are and then be that person.

Knowing who you are will give you confidence in abundance and make all your interactions much more natural. (This is where the cliché "be yourself" comes from.)

 

I couldn't have said it better. :cheers2:

What you said to us, say to her. But say it from an I-feel perspective, example:

"I'm a big vagina" (scrap that)
"I felt like a big vagina" (guaranteed she'll laugh)

Also, it seems like you're flirting but I need to confirm this with you. A lot of times the pressure to "make a move" is there because there is no playful context to the interaction so it feels too outcome-oriented.

Kissing a girl (or having sex with one) shouldn't be a goal-oriented touch down as in a football game, IMHO. It should be a natural outgrowth of open communication (including insecurities and relationship experiences) and of gradually developing physical intimacy.

Touch her hand, the back of her arm, her back, possibly hair...laugh a lot and have fun. Tease. Expose yourself gradually (to the extent that you can trust her with your feelings). Wink. Compliment her. Get lots of quality eye-contact. Kiss her on the cheek, etc. And the kiss will happen with no anxiety whatsoever. I promise you.

It will be smooth like butter. Good luck.

Edit: One last thing, be careful not to invest more in her than she invests in you. It's normal and great that you're infatuated with this girl, I'm sure she's awesome. But take one step toward her and wait for her to take another toward you. If she doesn't, take a step back rather than a second step forward.

My 2 pence.

 

drink some liquor then youll be not so shy shy. do whatever it takes to feel confident. i notice whenever i have my hair freshly cut or new shoes... i act way different, very confident. something as stupid as that will help me... so just do whatever it takes for you to get into a comfort zone. your a fuckin pimp dude, dont forget it.

 

woah ok I was seriously fucked up on seritonin depletion when I wrote that... I'm really not that emo guys lol. I know what I need to do I was just feeling lonely and felt like letting lose that night. Thanks a lot for responding though.

 

yea go do it!

 

Reading what you posted, you need to learn to walk before you run. Learn to approach people, fastest way to learn is the "school of hard knocks". Basically find someone random (girl or guy does not matter at this point) and start a conversation and try to hold it for 5 minuets or more. This is easier at parties and other social events, but a bus stop works well too. Your goal is to learn what greetings make people open up to you and what is a good topics to talk about, and things to avoid. Chances are you'll never meet these people again so feel free to mess up, it's okay.

Now while your doing that and you find someone cool, get their number. This is part two, and after you have their number expand on the relation by using it. Now you are at the point of making a network to meet new people through the people you already met. Smart huh? And if you happen to get a number of a chick you like then all the better. Now just keep expanding your network making mistakes and learning the do's and don'ts. Don't forget to listen to the people around you and how they act, that can help some.

Now you have some social skills, approach the girl. This would be best at a party or social event....try to avoid striking a conversation when she gets out of the bathroom, or if she is shopping. Once you have introduced your self and talked a little about w/e, try to find out if she is going to another party or social event, and be there. The second time you meet you can grab her number a lot easier (depending on the situation you could get it off the bat, but that is what the above was for so you can gage that situation)

Now ask her if she wants to grab some food or something like that out side of were ever you met her. Not a date, just friends. Something like panda express at the mall and wonder around will do. Alright if she has said yes so far to everything you have been able to talk to her, then she likes you enough and all you need to do is just be there and make yourself available. Try to hang out at least once a week or so, more if she wants to. If you see her at the store, always say hello, maybe exchange a short conversation or invite to a party you know of (remember that network you built earlier find parties) After a month or so of hanging out and wondering around whatever city you live in, ask her out. If yes, yay, if no, you have a friend atleast. Don't through in the towel yet, just keep hanging out and being friendly and if you get a vibe that she really likes you then ask again. You never know she could just be having life issues and just needs a friend at that point of time, it's up to you to learn these things.

That is more or less the game. Just put you self out there, don't force nothing, and the kissing and sex is natural and more or less hard wired in. When the right moment comes nether of you will be able to say no to your feelings. But your feelings are always going to be stronger in that area, so make sure to read her body language. Look at her eyes, watch her hands and were they are. Keep in mind how she greets you, does she randomly call you. Does she leave her circle of friends to say "hi" to you. All these are signs that you will learn to watch for and notice. Also listen to her talk, this tells more than many think, even if it's non-since you can learn about her.

Lastly, you are you, don't change it for some girl EVER! You must love yourself before you can hope to love someone else. Ever meet a "Emo" person (not the music but the attitude) doesn't ever last with them, that is because their personality is easy to change by social pressure and they try to change themselves ect.


This is advice for long term relations in general, not a quick sex. Asking "wanna screw" is typically enough for a night of fun.