My parenting mission statement(LOOONG)

I will be rather strict in routine and discipline early on as to set a habit. I will not child proof my house. I will watch my child intentively, and I will physically repremand each time my child gets into something s/he shouldn't. I will swat butts, and I will thump wandering hands. I will not yell. It is un-needed, and creates more tension and problem. It also creates an image that should not be in the mind of the child. I will use restriction as my main form of punishment along with explanation on why the punishment is happening and why I feel it is needed. I will negotiate bed times, curfews, car privelages, overnight privelages, allowances etc based on grades, overall attitude, and chores.
Allowances will be weekly, and they will not be based on the number of chores done, but more on the value/quality of the overall work done. Allowance will also not be a set amount. Garnishments will be made of this allowance for talking back, not eating, bad grades, lights left on(when last one to leave), or any other broken rule. Once the child is of age to work allowance will stop unless the child works 15-20 hours a week and maintains grades consistent with grades in the past.
I will not require any specific grade, or average, but I will require a good report. If a child has all F's and notes saying he's a pleasure to have in class and he tries hard, I will not punish, but instead try to understand and to help. On the other hand if all A's are brought home and notes of bad behavior, actions will be taken. Rewards for good grades will be optional. If my child would like a reward for good grades they will have to except consequences for lesser grades. Only A's and B's will be rewarded, and anything less will come with consequences if the child so desires that route. Extra curricular activity of some sort will be a requirement in the first years of junior high/high school(unless not possible due to work).
My child will not be forced to eat something undesirable, but they will be required to eat two bites of anything, anytime it is cooked. I think this is necessary for nutrition as well as teaching the child to keep an open mind. Refusal to eat will result in restriction as well as receiving the same plate for the next meal. Continued refusal will result more severe punishments.
School behavioral problems will not be tolerated. Education is important, and that point will be stressed heavily. Homework will be done and checked nightly. Weekly reports will be asked of each teacher and a meeting w/ one teacher a month if possible. Mid-terms will be treated as seriously as report cards and the grades will matter in my house. Fighting at school will be one of the few exceptions depending on circumstance.
Drugs/parties/drinking etc will be discussed with my child. I will encourage him to be open with me at all times, and will explain to him the importance of that. I will not punish him for being at a party and needing a ride home at 3am, nor will I nag. I will not punish for mistakes so long as the time and effort has been taken to keep the mistake from escalating into something worse(arrest/accident etc). Repeated problems and inconveniences will be handled more severely, and good standing in school/work will help determine the course of action taken.

My promise to myself and future children:

I promise to at all times be patient and understanding of my children and their problems/difficulties. I promise to help my child however I can whenever it is truly needed. I promise to be consistent and equally unfair at all times. I promise to be open and honest with my children at all times(age appropriate of course) regardless of the consequences surrounding that honesty. I promise not to judge my children by their opinions, sexuality, or any preference, and to love them completely, no matter what their choices in life.


I posted this in my forum, but I really want to see what other parents think of my ideas. Whether they think it's realistic, idealistic etc. Thanks for your input. Peanuts, I'm especially waiting to see what you have to say, so you better read this

 

you are sooo obviously not a parent yet. you do contradict yourself several times....ie you will not force your child to eat what (s)he doesn't like, yet you will make them eat what's left on their plate for susequent meals???

in order to be a decent parent, you need to be firm, but flexible. you will never know what something is like until you try it, then you can take an opinion on it.
it also sounds like more of a dictatorship than a parenting style.
do some research, have some kids, and then you can come back and talk about parenting.
sweetpeace

 

And: do you care about the kid's grades or not? First you say that you don't care if the kid gets Fs as long as he's making an effort, then you say that you'll punish C or lower grades. Which is it?

 

I really wish you both would pay more attention the the words used. As far as teh food issue, I did't say if they don't like it they'll eat it again. I said, "refusal to eat". My little brother likes chicken, potatoes, and macaroni, but if he wants pizza or nachos he will not eat it. That is rediculous. Now if my child doesn't like something they still need to try it from time to time as they grow.

I'd really like my child not to get F's but if they're trying what can I do(I know I can help them, this IS a retorical question)? I said that there would be no reward for good grades UNLESS they wanted them. In that case consequences would come with lower grades, because at that point they're telling me, "Dad, I'm positive I can make A's and B's". After that if they don't they're obviously not trying hard enough.

 

I wouldn't be the first parent, but I don't think I contradict myself as much as you appear to think.

Dictatorship? Encouraging my child to be open with me, giving them freedom so long as they don't abuse it? Negotiations do not take place in dictatorships. My idea is nowhere near perfect, however you make it sound like a rediculous proposal; which it is not.

 

IMO I think it sounds like a good plan. I did the same thing once I found out I was pregnant. I told myself that I would do this, but wouldn't do that. But when my child was born all that went out the door. Yeah I still stick to some of my plans, but once that baby is actually here EVERYTHING changes. NOTHING is how you think it will be. But if you can stick to it, that's great. Just don't be disapointed in yourself if you can't stick with your plan

 

And if you get a child with behavior problems or disabilities? My son has Asperger Syndrome. He's smart as a whip, but his mind works differently, and if he doesn't compute something, he has a meltdown. It's not his fault.
There are things that can't be just fixed by punishment or being strict. We take it one day at a time here, and something new is always coming along.

 

These aren't the X commandments of my house. This is supposed to pose more as a reminder of the things I believe in right now. As I get older and get a better idea of the real world some things will change, but I will also lose sight of some things that I see/feel now. I don't want that. Like I said, this is nowhere near perfect, but I'm nowhere near ready to have a kid either.


Also, the mother situation is questionable. I've really been considering attempting a single parent adoption. I know it's hard, but I really believe it would be for the best.

 

hmmm..i think it sounds VERY idealistic. it's one thing to have ideas about what kind of values you want to pass on to your kids, but you have to realize that how you convey those values will depend on the actual child you end up having. you may, as mentioned, end up having a special needs child, or a very sensitive child for whom your heavy handed approach would be scarey.i agree with many of your general ideas, but i think your plans are fairly rigid. fwiw, i'm pregnant with my first child right now. my husband and i are trying to decide what kinds of things are important to us as parents, but we are being careful to not make up too many "rules" yet. every person, including children are different, and you will have to adjust your parenting style to meet their needs.

 

If you've ever read my posts, I'd hope you could see that I am quite the fun loving jokester person etc. It's not all going to be structure and discipline, but I believe if the structure and discipline are done correctly the other things sort of fall into place. I know all children will be different and I will have to alter my approach, but again I am just intending this as a reference to build on with the help of everybody here.

I think that's the biggest reason for people missunderstanding what I'm trying to do/say is the fact that I laid it out in more of a "rule by rule" format. I wish I could change that, but I have a hard time expressing my ideas, so the best way I know how is to try to convey examples. These are merely 'ideas', I guess they're just too specific.


I do want to thank all of you for actually reading through that mini novel, and I hope to keep hearing from people. When I have a little more free time, I really want to sit down and re-read all of your replies and eventually use these "critiques", if you will, to help me generalize more and give me a more realistic understanding of what I'm going to be getting into. There's always a chance I may never have a child, but if I do, I want to know I can give him a good upbringing.

 

I know I have, but also I haven't. When I first wrote it, I didn't think anything more of it. Then I decided, that it could serve as an outline/rough draft. I also plan on doing a lot of reading once I get settled down and all this moving stuff is over with. I know I'm not a parent or expecting, but I'm really serious about being prepared for parenthood. I think it's something that a lot of people take lightly. You see soooo many people that love to have kids, but don't want to play "parent" or just don't know how. I wont be one of those people.

 

I love you young childless fathers trying so hard at something so simple.

The only thing you need to know is DON"T PANIC, IT'LL B OK

Really if you've made it to the end of the day and they haven't severly harmed themselves or others, then you've had a good day. When you have children of your own you will have good days and bad days.

 

Oh my, dear sweet boy. It's a whole different ball game when you have children of your own.

But I will say that you do have some respectable viewpoints there, only you might be setting yourself up for some disappointment if you think that everything will go according to YOUR plan.

Much peace, and good luck...

 

The world is full of different people, obviously. We get that way in part from the way we were raised. Where would we be if we were all the same.

I think the most important and only thing I would like to say in response to your mission statement is that as long as you are putting thought and heart into your decission to raise your children, you're doing good.
I personally do not get along with my ex-inlaws. My father-in-law, can't stand me because he is a control freak and I won't be controlled, however he once gave me the most unjudgmental loving compliment (I doubt he meant to... tee hee hee) he said "I'm glad to see you know what you're doing".



LOVE LOVE LOVE, we are guardians over our children, keep them safe and help them develop the skills to find what they're looking for.

Loving you,
Lovingharmony

 

And HITTING doesn't create tention and more problems? I could tell a few sentences in, that you are not a parent.

MY MISSION STATEMENT.

• I will learn each individual child's learning style, temperment, and nature. This is more work than being a dictator, but my children deserve the work.
• I will LOVE my babies and know that WANTS AND NEEDS are the same thing in an infant. I will nurse and hold my child whenever and where ever they ask for it, and never deny a baby any need.
• I will NOT hit a child. It is violent and solves nothing. It makes me a LAZY parent.
• My life is going to change with each child. I will change my thinking, my social life, and my home enviroment for the safety and happiness of my child. I BELIEVE in childproofing. As it is safer and less INTERVENTION in a child's ability to learn by touching is involved
• My children's bodies know what they need. Food will be provided and my children will be able to choose, from what is offered what and how much to eat of any of it. I will NEVER EVER force a child to eat. This is as bad an assault as a physical assault, My child's ORAL ORAFICE is his or her own and only that child has the right to decide what goes into it.
• My children need my love and my presence more than anything else I want personally. (Save food and a roof over my head.) I will do anything neccesary to make sure my children have my presence, especially in infancy and early childhood.
• Human Milk is an essensial of good parenting, except in VERY VERY rare situations (say mama has NO breasts.) I will do ANYTHING to make sure my children are fed on human milk, if that means paying someone to help me, feeding only part human milk, if my body fails me (there is NO SUCH THING as a breast which produces NO milk. I will give whatever my body makes) or buying donated human milk from an approved milk bank, if my supply is irretrievably ineffcient. Nothing will keep me from this goal, as nothing can make up the lack of this substance, ever.

This is how I parent, and have parented, mostly, for the last 18 years and 4 children.

 

This is way to simplistic. MANY parents and children are NOT OK!!!! The single most common reason for childhood abuse and neglect is unrealistic expectation. It won't be "OK" if you don't know what to expect from children at different ages. Whether that be potty training, eating or "not touching" things. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATION leads to abuse.

Learn child psychology and what to expect normally from children (if you are too lazy to do this, you are WAY too lazy to parent) and put it into action.

IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND CHILDREN IT WILL NOT BE "OK" Ask a Child Protective Service Worker, anytime.

 

My mission statement is simple:

Go with the flow and adapt as necessary. All children are different, so I'm in for new experiences with each of them.

Love, love, love my children, and then love them some more.

Much peace.

 

Amen, sister!

 

Easy as that!
Absolutely

Such a delicate balance between making plans, and adapting them to fit unpredicted situations. I will think about some "plans" and "rules", but my baby-to-be will really make the decisions around the house. He or She will determine what needs to happen, and my fiance and I will do our best to make it so.

Fluid adaptability and unconditional Love are all you need

 

"He's smart as a whip, but his mind works differently, and if he doesn't compute something, he has a meltdown. It's not his fault."


That sounds just like me! And I have absolutly NO idea why I'm even looking in the parenting section! YAY POINTLESS ACTIVITIES! *claps hands*