I did the best I could trying to translate the experience into words. [FONT="]I don't think my setting was right for this trip. The DPT just came in the mail, and my mom intercepted it before giving it to me. She was pissed, and I didn't like that; I felt bad. She thinks the drugs are fucking up my life (or that I am letting them), and I can't hold it against her because her own actions as well as those of my father lend some credence to the theory. I got three D's last semester, so I couldn't really argue with her when she said I was doing "shitty" in school. All I could tell her was that I'll do better next semester, and not just because she wants me to. "I want to do well too, whether you believe me or not." Also I had a wisdom tooth that's been bothering me, and would be removed the following day.[/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="]I was nervous prior to ingesting the DPT. In fact, I took it out at 9:00 but didn't wind up taking it until half an hour later because of this pre-journey anxiety. I was naive in thinking that it would be a manageable experience, one in which I would be able to sit back and blissfully be overtaken by music. I was overtaken by something, alright.[/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="]I dumped 500 mg of DPT onto a piece of paper and split it into rough quarters. I insufflated about 4/5 of the quarter, so I believe my dose was most likely no less than 80 mg and no higher than 120. It stung a little but not that bad, and the drip wasn’t much either. The itchiness in my throat was annoying though. I laid in my bed, waiting for the DPT to take effect. Before I noticed any visuals, I felt some tension in my forearms, and recognized it as the first sign that the trip was starting. The visuals began, at first manifesting themselves as very subtle 'breathing', and then becoming more apparently vibrations, with everything oscillating at a very rapid rate. The vibrations eventually grew into colorful fractal explosions, a liquid, swirling world as if all of existence were an oil painting that someone had thrown water on, my limbs flattened and elongated like that girl ‘melting’ into the couch from the anti-marijuana commercial.[/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="]There was an unpleasant body load that in my opinion significantly contributed to the dysphoric experience. It was similar to that of other tryptamines, only inverted. I usually like the mushroom body high (this experience was very reminescent to me of those induced by magic mushrooms. in fact i cant really give you a single difference but that might just be because i'm not terribly familiar with either). But normally I derive much pleasure from writhing, twisting, and flexing. There was no relief from this though. Just a distracting, uncomfortable tension.[/FONT][FONT="] I felt hot and sweaty. My entire body was trembling and it felt like breathing was difficult but I've no idea whether it actually was. I was shaking very intensely, shuddering, heart beating mega fucking fast.[/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="]I could recognize Mono's music as the experience took over. By the time this happened, the peak had passed. It was during this time I was treated to a smorgasboard of mind blowing closed and open eyed visuals. They are beyond description. I am sorry. My mood seemed to fluctuate with the music. At one point I decided it was too dark and got up to change it. So I put on a song by Caspa that has some very bizarre, carnival-esque melodies. (you can listen here if you’d like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfJ1QE-h0yM ). It gave the experience a very odd, creepy-fun-house feeling. I'm pretty sure I wasn't hearing the actual lyrics, just gibberish. It was almost as if I was being mocked…hey, look what you did, your world has been turned upside down..blibby blibby tibby tosh..and then I began to wonder whether I was hearing any music at all, if I wasn't just imagining it, whether any time had passed at all, whether I was trapped in a moment. Eventually I saw that nearly half an hour had passed and thought to myself that the worst was over.[/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="]if my ego died, i dont remember it. but i do remember feeling myself splitting. your guess as to what that feels like is as good as mine, still.[/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="]i think i have some emotional issues to work out. i was very much aware of the fact that i am alone during the trip, that I have had the luxury of a lover. i began to understand the implications of that in a metaphysical sense, as opposed to the biological, psychological, and evolutionary ones I am already fairly well versed in. I needed someone to share this experience with. some guilt issues as well, somehow i am simultaneously worried about offending some ultimate authority and troubled by my belief that there is none. Once I worked up the courage to leave my room, I wandered to the kitchen to get some water. Constantly getting confused, and worried that I wouldn’t be able to make it back to my room. I almost laid down in the hallway but decided that probably wasn’t a good idea. I called for my mother a couple of times, I just wanted to see another person, to communicate with someone and tell them that I was having a bad trip.[/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="]i hate not being to able to tell you all what it was like! it was like the tao, being torn in two opposite directions, it was as if i was being taunted with the meaning of life, and understood first hand that it is by definition incomprehensible (the tao that can be named is not the eternal tao), but it was fucking frustrating! everything swirling, melting together. thoughts as well as images. the trip was not dysphoric because of paranoia, the entire experience was just plagued by a general feeling of malaise, of being unwell. everything, so intense. every breath a strange new experience, as though it were my first and my last. psychedelics show you what its like to live with the utmost passion, to devote every atom of your being to even the most mundane task. its a scary feeling. confusion. no idea whats going on. [/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="]I decided to take a shower. Very strange. helpful though, reassuring in a way.[/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="]at one point i decided to step outside. suddenly the trip changed, from me worry about internal threats, to external ones. it was dark--especially out in the country where theres not a street light for god only knows how far. i told my cats that i was tripping. i heard menacing sounds and the unfettered expanse that lay before me was intimidating. i retreated to the confines of my home.[/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="]forms twisting and writhing[/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="]i wonder how significant the physiological aspects of the DPT experience (im thinking of the rapid heart rate here) are when it comes to the tone of the experience...since emotions are inextricably bound to their physiological counterparts. may explain some of the anxiety.[/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="]this experience really makes you realize how fragile our perceptions really are.[/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="]the trip wasnt just scary, it was down right unpleasant. i had to admit to myself that i wanted it to stop and wished i hadnt done it.[/FONT] Shortly after coming down I described the tao to a friend of mine: [FONT="]the fuckin tao man![/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="]the intangible unknowable paradoxical meaning of everything![/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="]in front of me and behind me[/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="]here there everywhere and nowhere[/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="]I don’t regret it. I regretted it during the experience. Wished I hadn’t done it. I will do it again, but I’m afraid. Afraid I won’t enjoy it. Afraid I’ll burn myself out on psychedelics altogether. Afraid of going over the edge and not coming back. The thought of spending an eternity in that state terrifies me, and as someone who takes pride in their intellect, being in a state of perpetual confusion is not something I enjoy.[/FONT] [FONT="]I felt like I was on the brink of death. Not physical death, I was fairly confident that I would not die, die. Although I’d be lying if I said the thought never crossed my mind. It’s just, what I was experiencing was just so…impossible. How am I to articulate the feeling of the impossible?[/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="]I am not done with this chemical.[/FONT]
i think your problem comes from trying to 'understand' it so well. you can't understand tao, the tao your mind holds is not tao, so stop trying to hold on to it. just let the experience wash over you however it wants, and give it no trouble. now i understand by body load you meant the uncomfortable antsy anxiety during the comeup. yes, this seems to be universal, however it only lasts about 40 minutes or so before the curtains go up and whoosh, right? you were fine during the peak and like me, your favorite time seems to be the comedown, where your identity has returned but psychedelic effects are still near maximum. my first time doing this was my most unpleasant, a combination of low dose (45mg) which resulted in little more THAN the comeup anxiety, and the fact that i was not prepared for how intense dpt is, even though i have some experience with powerful shrooms, acid, ketamine, mdma trips. its just on a different level, it's not just the shit, it's the shit hitting the fan. oh and dude. i know everyone's taste in music is different, but honestly, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfJ1QE-h0yM ? that shit would make me have a bad time on molly, lol. it's just too juvenile and annoying, if you're doing deep cosmic exploration you need some more conducive music, even try classical, not something that will aggravate antsiness and make dissolution difficult. it's like tripping on shrooms to eminem, lewl. no offense if he's your brah, but i really feel that music is objectively a bad choice while on dpt. maybe im just being a musicista though dpt: leaves your shaken, and stirred.
hahaha im going to play black moth super rainbow next time, i think it will be epic and epicly appropriate
That report seems a lot closer to what I experienced. I will give it another try sometime, when I have fewer options available, but for now I've put it away.
Even though the experience was difficult, it seems that it was equally beneficial. My theory is that more can be gained from a difficult/bad trip than a pleasant trip, though I've never had a bad trip. I congratulate you for having experienced your own heavenly hell :cheers2:
Same here, all my experiences have had negative overtones and just general malaise. It was just a really dark eerie experience, I felt like I was panicking. I guess I was trying too hard to understand it all, because music became so distorted it was not recognizeable, and I think maybe it didnt help that it was night time so it was very dark which im not comortable with, and that I just layed in my bed watching TV... I think next time I will do it in a quiet lit room with classical music.
The Brian Jonestown Massacre are my favorite band to listen to while tripping. http://music.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=music.artistalbums&artistid=9513528&albumid=10700706
I think you should try a higher dose. Like and dislike wont exist. All there is, is being. But it sounded like you didnt fully let go, or submit to the chemical. This needs to be done, because you cant win a fight with the BOSS.
