Been through a lot...

Constantly questioning this reality and religion i never seem to find fulfillment in living a normal life. I can no longer live in denial because in the end i just fuck myself over. But i also cannot live in acceptance, instead i linger in the gray area. I guess my whole life i have been in the gray area except i called myself undecided when really i am decisive on being indecisive whether it is what i want to do with my life, what i believe in, to what drink i prefer the most. All in all good shit happens to bad people and bad shit happens to good people etc. Pretty much shit just happens, there is no plan, no predetermined good and bad. The only thing we have to go on is our morals and ideals, and we decide those based on our past experiences and were we grew up. There is no hope just determination to make our life more bearable. I don't know all the answers, even for myself, i believe that life is what we make it for ourselves. I am also very cynical, the way i see it is that its better to be surprised then to know whats going to happen because you plan your whole day out until the event you want to happen happens, in my opinion its better to what you want to do every moment of everyday within the boundaries of course. Other than that fuck it, fuck you, fuck the whole god damn world and your opinions, drink beer smoke pot get high and enjoy the empty space and time you call life.:cheers2: