Fear of commitment

I get both. And they seem related. As soon as I meet a girl (I'm talking we've barely dated yet), I'm already claustrophobic (I start thinking of all the girls I'm NOT going to get to be with). And then I fear if I don't commit, they will leave me. But I'm figuring a couple things out.

 

the way i figured it, if i felt like what i was going to miss out on outweighed what i was going to have, that guy's just a fuck buddy and i don't commit. being with dave was easy. i was anxious because i was SO BLOWN AWAY, right away. i sorta had no choice but to follow wherever he lead me. there were no other options once i realized that i was already thinking in terms of what a bummer it was i wasn't moving to boston after all, instead of "should i go to boston or stay with this man."

 

Devotion?Love?Commitment?

I can give my time, money, mind, passion, dick and other stuff.
What I don't give is my sanity...

(prob cos I haven't got it to give...)

 

Yeah I mean it obviously helps that I've been in a successful relationship for over 3 years. But My dad left my mom, and they stopped sleeping together, so I used to worry if Dean slept on the couch for a couple nights in a row. But people are different of course.

 

That happened with my ex. It was a great learning experience about the importance of open-mindedness and communication in a relationship. My ex had a fixed idea in her head of what a relationship looked like and that got in the way of what was actually occurring. Worse, when I made my passive-aggressive attempts to talk to her about what I was feeling, she would freak out.

All I know is that a rewarding relationship for me could neither be coerced, nor stagnate according to a pre-conceived idea. That's not freeing or liberating...that's not an impulse. That's arresting...that's being tied down.

I want a constantly changing relationship, in which my boundaries and needs (as well as that of my partner's) are openly communicated anew with each moment as we change individually.

That involves commitment, but also risk.

 

So I guess EVERYONE fears commitment.


Pussies.

 

Talking about feelings is huge. My parents never did that. As far as I know my dad doesn't actually have feelings. But he's a really loving guy and bends over backwards for me.

I remember realizing how insanely unique each person's perspective is, that helped a lot with my fears in the long run, though it exacerbated them at first.

Going into a relationship with preconceived notions of what it's going to look like is always dangerous, I think I'm over that now though.

 

I do fear commitment to pussies. Don't judge me.

 

I would never !

 

hells no lady. some of us would rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery.

 

let's hug it out, bitch



(I hope this joke is not too American)

 

yes. this i understand well. i think i've locked a lot of my emotions and other tender things away so i couldn't connect with people because they might someday leave me.

which just made me sad, because that just means i'm so insecure about myself that i need someone else's validation to feel good about being me. so my newest self project has been to validate my own damn self for once, haha!

 

Anyway, I kissed a girl and I liked it. But I'm freaking out (she already wants to know my name :biggrin! I don't give my name out until the 3rd orgasm.

 

commitment seems to be afraid of me!!

 

I hear ya girl! me too.

 

That depends. Do you feel that eating is an obligation that you have to maintain or do you enjoy it?

 

eh, names are overrated, dump the bitch before she knows you picked her up.

lol... totally joking. stop freaking out and just go with the flow dude. lol... if you reach the 3rd orgasms and haven't exchanged names, no wonder you're having issues man. 1st name before orgasm, last name before spending the night. tis the golden rule, my man!

 

Thanks for the advice!