Barely a relationship: experimenting in obsessions

This is not the typical obsession. She knows how I feel about her and she deals with the multiple facebook messages, text, voice mail, sometimes longhand, and emails. She holds me when she sees the pain of unreturned affection and I guess enjoys my friendship. She knows most of my secrets and even knows of my lingering desires to rape her. When I am under the influence of affection normally there is a voice or feelings that drags me to reality keeps my feelings in check allows me to act cool, collected to not come on to strong and stay aloof but with her I have decided to actually act how naturally want to untill she decides to cut me off. I do not know who it is harder on her taken the brunt of my emotions or me dealing with the rejection and emotional reflection.

Does this sound weird? I know in some part of her she cares deeply about me.
I told her she should not be friends with me because I will just keep taking and taking and she said she just have to keep giving then, I am slightly afraid I will hurt her, that I may shatter from constantly being put off, but every time we are together all the anger, pain, isolation, and confusion fade. I cannot be my base self around her she pushes it from my mind and she makes me want to improve myself. I could try to manipulate the situation and make something maybe healthier, more normal, and more stable but I will save that for my next love. For once I want to love unhindered by everything expect my feelings and hers