Hodor feeling a bit down about being relationship-less.

Hodor is 21. Hodor found out he was gay at ~17 yet Hodor was depressed until he finally became 21. So he was afraid and alone for years.

Yet Hodor is still alone, yet trying. Hodor is doing work making friends and trying out gay organizations around school. Hodor knows things like this take time but it doesn't make him feel better. Hodor can also be down on esteems sometimes and try to convince himself that he's ugly and his body is ugly even though he is in shape and at least average looking if not a bit above average. But Hodor can feel so bad and worthless some days he doesn't even want to leave home. Hodor also is self conscious about never having a relationship since middle school and wonders if he would be a bad and or boring boyfriend.

Hodor sad, too, that sometimes he gets cues from attractive women (at least he thinks they are cues. Sometimes Hodor is mean to himself and tells himself it's all in his head) but never from men. Hodor doesn't even know if gay men notice him out of his social clubs.

Hodor just feels so worthless sometimes he doesn't know why. He thinks positively but sometimes just can't help but feel sad and alone.

 

Hodor is lonely, hurts, wants to be seen for the extraordinary being that he is…nobody sees Hodor in the way he wants to be seen. Hodor starts to think he is damaged, not good or acceptable. Hodor knows he lives in a place where danger exists for those who carry this kind of gift. Hodor is wise and has found a way to become invisible, to look as ordinary as the masses. In becoming invisible Hodor has survived but has become a prisoner of his own disguise.
You write well, your longing comes through and touchs the soul of many of us who have shared a similar pain. Use this place to explore your thoughts and feelings, sort out the replies and see what fits for you. Give us a better look at the real Hodor.

 

PerennialQuest feels Hodor's pain. PerennialQuest wishes he could help, but he's in the same situation, only a with a bit more bitterness and occasional denial.

 

Might help if you stop referring to yourself in the third person


But seriously, 21? Most of your straight counterparts arent in serious relationships, so dont go thinking its a gay thing or a you thing. Nothing really out of the ordinary