I realise that there is no black and white on this subject, but i'm seriously confused here. If i'm bisexual then my tendancies are definately towards males, since I can remember most my fantasies/daydreams sexually are with other guys (until recently). But then there is the fact that, apart from friendship, I have absolutely no, zero, nill, emotional attachment to guys whatsoever (excluding family). I'm deeply in love with a girl I know, all my emotional side of me is devoted to women (and always has been), but most of my sexual side is to men. I know which I want aswell, my mind, my choice. I seriously could care less what my main sexual desire is because I run this ship I want kids, a family, a wife and I feel I could do that with the person i'm in love with now, (yes it's head over heel, it would seem!) In short, i'm not giving up all my dreams for just part of my sexual desire. This is kind of venting (and a huge first post), and even writing it now is making me feel better. But down to the nitty gritty of it all, I seem most aroused by girls when i'm actually dating one (this appears to be a confidence thing, when I don't feel I can get a girl, I go back to gayness!) I have got erections while making out with my ex's (tmi? Perhaps.) So I know the sexual want is there aswell. I'm still a virgin at the moment and as I said, I used to think about guys, but now i've been thinking more and more about first-time sex with a girl. Are you confused yet? I know I am. Also, yes. I am a guy.
yeah well personally i think that does mean you are bisexual, you are physically and sexually attracted to guys, just not emotional. but you still are attracted to them you know? but why does it matter you shouldn't put a name to something like that! sex is a part of life, no matter who you are attracted too you should explore as much as you want, if you know in the end you want a wife and kids then there you go, you have time!
Thanks for the swift response. Yea, I think the whole confusion of that last few months has been building up and fogging my mind a little. You don't realise how much weight I felt come off my shoulders just from you saying that i'm probably bisexual. I guess my biggest fear was that I was forever doomed to a solely-gay life but with no emotional attachment (Or Kids! D. Especially due to the fact I want to be with women but want the sex-life of both (Greed, greed, greed). Again, thankyou.
ur confused just like most ppl that just come out into the gay world... and i believe that you r more attacted to guys than girls the only reason u fell the way u do is because you were brought up to like girls so u feel like thats how its suspose to be...im a college student and i live in Atl Ga, which is one of the most gayest cities in the US lol.. but so many ppl go thru this same thing because of the beliefs and their nurture. i say just follow your heart and make ur self happy.
I don't want to make you think you're one way or another but this sounds EXACTELY like how I felt, and i've just come out as gay after a long question over whether I was bisexual or not. In the end, sexuality is about just that - sex. I find female company to be really enjoyable, and indeed one of my best friends right now is a girl. I find her attractive, and have repeatedly ensured her that she's really beautiful. I've always thought women are beautiful, pretty or attractive - but I very rarely think about them in terms of sex, and indeed, I can't because I'm not sexually attracted to women. I want marriage and children in a straight family, but I'm not going to subject myself to those pressures because I don't feel like I could handle it. I have one question you could ask yourself, and maybe answer here if you feel comfortable. - Do you ever feel sexually attracted to women, and if so - is it as easy as feeling attracted to men? EDIT: Sorry, this is a really late reply, but you helped me on my post so I thought i'd help you on yours
emotional connection isn't something that you should get with everybody or something that comes along with every relationship. there are some people we connect with on that level and many others with whom it never happens. and the sex of those people is completely beside the point. i've connected with both males and females but i am sexually attracted to only males (i'm a guy). i consider myself gay and not bisexual because emotional connections have nothing to do with sexuality. it's who gets you aroused. you present "having gotten an erection" while making out with a girl as proof that there is some sexual attraction there, that that's how you know. from an outside POV it looks a pretty flimsy example. i can get an erection when i'm in an all-female company and just think about sex. that doesn't make me straight. if somebody touches you down there -- be it a guy or a girl -- there's a good chance that you do become erect. and that is not an indication to any kind of sexuality. it's a simple physical reaction. also you say u haven't had any emotional attachment to guys 'apart from friendship' --- if that's true that means you have emotionally connected with guys, it's just that they were your friends. like i said it's possible to connect with both sexes like that but it's not something that plays a role in a person's sexuality at all. that fact that you are sexually attracted to guys but haven't connected with those guys you've felt sexual attraction to doesn't mean you never will have an emotional connection to any guy in your life. it seems to me you are mixing and confusing emotional connection with sexuality.
You're right that that was a flimsy example, but after I posted that post everything seemed to calm down in my head. I was pretty confused/distressed when I posted that, as I said, just hearing replies took a massive weight off my shoulders. Anyways, since then I've actually started seeing the girl I posted about and I'm pretty certain I'm Bi (still more on the gay side though). As I said, I've noticed that I'm much more sexually attracted to females when I'm actually dating one. Either way, I've since became less concerned with the exact category I fall into. I've told her I'm probably Bi and she didn't really care all that much (though she seemed suspicious as to why I was telling her first ). :edit: I should probably add that since that post I've lost my virginity, I only bring it up because I would never have slept with her if I wasn't attracted to her. I don't like to mess people around. >_> Also, I've decided I'm probably going to tell one of my mates this week, it actually seems like such a small thing in my mind now that the whole thought of coming out doesn't seem that bad anymore.
Sorry to hijack your post, but I want to get this straight. So if I (as a woman) am only sexually attracted to women at this point, I am a lesbian? I am married to a man and I feel like I'm in love with him but I don't feel very sexually attracted to him anymore. I've always identified myself as bi. Now I am confused, I've started seeing a woman and she makes me very sexually excited. I enjoy sex with her, but not with him. So, I guess I'm a lesbian? I'm so confused!
i think u should look at it from an overall perspective not just at what's going on "at this point". were u ever sexually attracted to him (or any men) in the first place? also, i've met bisexuals who say their sexual attractions kind of fluctuate -- that during some periods of time they're sexually attracted to only males, and during other periods it reverses and they're only attracted to females like that. is that how u feel or could it be that u're sexually attracted to only women right now because u haven't met any attractive guys lately?
Well, I'm having both right now and I'm loving the woman. lol. I think I was sexually attracted to him at first, otherwise I never could have married him. Sometimes I think, was I really sexually attracted to him or was it a big lie to myself? The option of being a lesbian never occured to me before I guess. Liking guys is like the default option for women. lol Looking back, I'm realizing that I've always had crushes on women and lesbians have always fascinated me. Oh, I don't know, I guess I'll just give it some more time and see. I'm probably just completely overthinking the whole thing. Thank you guys for being so nice and supportive. That's not always easy to find in online forums. Oh yeah, another important thing to add: I do sometimes find men attractive, but the only time I really enjoy sex with them is when they perform oral sex on me. My husband for some reason hates to do that.
I think the problem here is not what you think it is. You say you are confused, I'd say confusion doesnt matter when you cant loose and only pleasure is at stake. Second, sexuality is extremly confusing to peg down. You seem to like both one more at different points and the other at different points. Like you like girls 100% then guys 100%, but the thing about sexuality is that even if you are on the guys, you can still be on the girls successfully with pleasure and even if you are on the girls, you can still be down with guys successfully. This is why its very confusing and you question whether your feelings are misleading you, you simply cant peg it down because you can have multiple feelings that are by no means static. BTW - sex is really good when you care for a person, its the greatest sexual enhancer out there. I know, Ive been around and back and forth, it makes it oh so gushy and not only does your penis orgasm but your heart does as well....literally its a multiple explosion. Go with that because you really have a bisexual thing happening...also dont refrain from masterbating with both sexes even in a homo/hetero relationship....it is very good and can serve well to satisfy cravings...think of masterbation as the entree before your main course and if your lucky, desert Have fun!
