I was in a psych unit at a nearby hospital for depression. I went in because I reached the point where I was becoming suicidal. Normally, at such a place, they don't want to focus on any negatives, however in one "group" we were asked to take a deep look at our lives to see if we could find any underlying causes for our depression. The method was left up to us, draw a mosiac picture, write a song, etc. This was a difficult project to do because it got very personal. And since finishing it, I have realised that I omitted many verses, but I think I quickly got to the heart of one of my depression problems. After my discharge, my psychiatric counselor/therapist and I used it as a starting point for taking a long trip through my past. It has been a long journey of several years and we're still working on it between sessions where other things have come up. It is a depressive poem, yet made me feel better about myself. Its not one that I often share. A poem in my collection ... "Poetry from the Dark Side of the Night" Ode to My Life and its Goodbye By Gig You fooled around and did it well But you messed up and out I fell So you gave me up and said good bye And I was gone, with just a sigh. A new mom and dad and baby makes three Then for a few years it was good for me But another good bye from their divorce Gone from my life, my father by force. And then I was raised by my mom and hers A different town, the picture blurs We made it a home, but it wouldn't last We followed the path set down by the past. My mother remarried, I was out of her life Thirteen years later, I also took a wife We'd spent ten years learning of God's love But we learned the learning came not from above. The teachings we had learned started out right Then changes were made, the cult led into the night A heart wrenching choice but we left the Way We tried to leave softly, but that was a nay. Then after the battle, life settled down Suddenly we had two children around A boy and a girl, I watched them grow Not knowing that soon I'd see them go. A trick of my wife, to the judge a lie Its been four years now since the kids' said "hi" I vowed I'd not shave nor cut my hair Til I heard their voices or they chose not to care. I heard from my daughter, she wanted to come Then she spoke to my mother and called me a bum My son's full of anger, he was stolen from me Now he's constantly told how terrible I be. My grandmother fought for every breath until I told her "surrender to death" Pushed to this action by my mom and her sis I gave up my convictions to accomplish this. Disease and old age have left me a wreck Arthritis and fibro both are unchecked A dozen operations, seven this year Two more to go, but I'm filled with such fear. The theme of my life seems to be good bye Everybody I love leaves or they die I'm lonely, depressed, frustrated and blue But don't get too close or the next could be you. A shadow of death hangs over my life I'm filled with heartache and loaded with strife My mind filled with thoughts that race in my head But they'll never be silent, ... until I'm dead.
