Right, this is likely to be a rather confusing account of my confusion .... if that's the right way to put it I'm sure someone else feels this way but, alas, I haven't a clue. I've pretty much always known that I was either bi or gay. I'm still not entirely sure which one I am - nor am I entirely bothered. It's never concerned or worried me in itself - I've always been liberal so I haven't an issue with either way of life. What confuses me is what to do with this knowledge ... and this is where it gets complicated. (1) I actually tried the whole coming out thing ... but I scurried back into a corner pretty quickly. I told my parents I thought I might be Bi, my Dad was surprisingly unbothered, my Mum said she'd love me regardless but still was slightly dissapointed. That wasn't the hard part, though ... the hard part was that I wasn't convinced I actually was. They both said what you'd expect, that you don't really know until you try, and it actually makes sense. I've never had any experiences with anyone ... just what I know in my own time. So the next morning I said it didn't feel right - and after coming out, I didn't feel right, it just didn't feel like me. Now whenever I think about coming out again, i'm plagued by doubt, and here's why. (2) Whilst I know I like guys ... I'm not really emotionally attatched to the idea of being gay. I've always genuinly (And not out of desperation, confusion, or uncertainty) wanted to be with a woman. When I talk to friends about girls, I'm not even lying when I say I find them attractive and would love to marry one some day. The problem is I find them nowhere near as sexually attractive as guys, even though I find them more emotionally attractive ... if that makes sense? I won't be too explicit here but I wonder if I lust after guys, but love women? Which makes the whole coming out thing even more confusing! (3) Right, so, here's the problem. I'm confused And it's not, I feel, a desperate confusion, it's a fairly genuine uncertainty. I tried coming out, didn't feel right (Actually, my parents have gone back to talking about me getting a girlfriend, having kids etc, so they've clearly forgotten about it). So, what i'm thinking, is should I hold off on being sure of what I want until i've properly experienced love with anyone, male or female? And on that note, how can I go about 'experimenting', I guess the word is, without being openly bi or gay? Or, indeed, am I just crazy? It's something I do have on my mind alot. It gets worse when I speak to friends who are openly gay. I do sometimes wish I could come out, but then I always think i'd rather not commit to an orientation without being fully sure. Any advice? Thanks.
well, your new to i right? these feelings probly existed the whole time and just started to bubble over, thats what has recently happened to me. you say your not emotionaly connected to men, thats what i thought at first, and now iv found a guy i truely want to be with, for sex and emotionaly. i still have confusing thoughts about liking women as well, im not sure if its from being told my whole life that a man and a woman is whats right, or what, but im slow geting over it, though i still like to look, dono if ill ever get over it, o well right? basicly im saying, you just need to give both sides a chance and find out whats right for you. do you like guys for there looks, do you like girls for there looks? do you like guys who are there for you? girls, same question. just give it some time, look for guys who you think you might be intrested in and ask your self why? as for likeing girls, maby you like them because you think there more emotional? most strait guys are the hard, tough, gota be manly type, and dont show any emotion, there are some who will though and you just gota think, if a guy showed emotion would you like him as you would a girl, and with the added bonous of a great bod? as for experiementing, find a guy who you think is gay, bi, or curius, and kind of flirt with him. sit next to him a little closer, bump into him in the halls, and after a while, when you think its safe and if hes flirted back, maby give him a note saying you wana talk to him and find him when ever you have some time alone and talk to him and ask him if he has ever though about guys, and just gota be brave and talk to him about it and tell him what you think of him. sorry if i just caused more confusion....im a confusing person sometimes :/
I am new to this, entirely actually. This is only the second time i've publically acknowledge i'm not straight, but for some reason it's been such a long time i've pondered it that it doesn't even bother me anymore . I reckon you're probably right, it definately started to boil over - actually when I started to recognise other people I knew were gay. I'm definately going to try and give everyone I meet a chance, but it doesn't help that i'm a nervous type of person in general, so speaking to girls is hard enough, speaking to guys is even worse There's someone I sort of like, a guy that is, but all he ever seems to talk about is wanting to have a girlfriend. He's sort of quiet like myself, and we have fairly personal conversations online, so I wondered but, as I said, he seems to be into girls. It's always been my hope that he's just over-egging the interest in women like I once did ... but I'd be too nervous to check. The idea of brushing up to guys in halls etc sounds even more frightening I've always figured that moving out one day would do me the world of good in terms of finding out more about what I want out of knowing that i'm definately not wholly straight, but i feel almost impatient! Gahh. As to the question, yah, I've always found women and men attractive ... looks wise. I have a HUGE crush on Gillian Anderson Her early days in the X-Files she looked fantastic. But it doesn't help that i'm really fussy about women, but I tend to find loads of guys ... cute, could you say? I tend to think I am very open, just a case of finding someone I like I guess. Ahhh, it's hard.
well, does he brag alot about girlfreind shes had or what ever? because (and this is just a maby) he just wants people to think hes some expert about girls because hes shy about his sexuality? and were still young, so we could just be horny lol, wit for the hormones to simmer down then the anser might be easyer. yes, im 17 and semi looking forword to moving out, i mean ill miss my family and all, but i need to explore myself more, and just find myself out. btw, if you wana chat on Yahoo IM, thated be better, i tend to loose concentration pretty easy in delayed chats :/ if not this is good to, but if you wana add me on yim, its sobesemail@yahoo.com
Yah, thanks, i'll add you at some point (I'm off to bed in a mo!). I hope it's just hormones, it drives me crazy sometimes, other times it's barely important! As for this guy, he's ultra shy though, he doesn't really brag (I'm not sure he's ever been in a relationship,) - I just had a very weird conversation with him about how much he wanted a girlfriend But yah, i'm 19 so not that much older. I'm thinking i'll probably move out for my third year of Uni or sometime before. To any extent, it's nice to just be genuine with people for a change. Only 3 people IRL know the real me, so when I feel alone it's just nice to come online and chat. Thanks
