I've been pissed lately cause my friends have been careless to leave me behind. Last weekend? I was ditched cause I'm not 18 yet, my friend turned 18 on Friday so they all (I mean ALL of my friends at my school) go out to the clubs...I go home after going to dinner with them - yay. Same type of shit happens again, I'm left out of the know again and am scrambling to catch up... This, combined with my anxiety for graduation day is causing some hard-core aggression...I have a deep want for physical destruction and it is very hard to keep me from doing so. I guess I am just realizing that my entire 4 years in high school, I've been a fucking doormat and I haven't had a backbone to speak of. I feel like I've missed out on opportunities of a lot of things and am questioning much in my life. I am wondering, if instead of being a complacent fuck (socially speaking, that is) I was straight-forward and demanding, that perhaps I wouldn't feel like complete ass right now. I am wondering if maybe I would have let myself just burn out, maybe I wouldn't feel like an outcast...I could have desensitized myself to such feelings. I am recognizing, again, that I have never really had a reliable network of friends and that I truly do have to face things alone - I have gotten hints of this vibe many times at parties and whatnot when I have been stoned, I just never really listened. I'm starting to realize what the saying "a drop in the ocean" feels like. Water molecules slide over one-another, they don't stick to each other and no one ever touches anyone else. I feel genuinely trapped, at the brink of escape, yet I don't want to leave for some odd reason. I am a scared, abused primate, hiding in the corner of a metal cage - one step away from freedom, but my conditioning has overpowered my nature. ....Fuck
Find better friends. Take your aggression out at a gym or something constructive. If your "friends" aren't smart enough to value your company then ditch them. Find people who have a bit of class. You'll be far happier.
Ya sounds like you need some new friends. I had the same problem, and as time goes on, true friends will remain with you, and the "fairweather" friends will sort of fade into the background. Like, they will still be on your facebook and wish you a happy birthday, but you probably wont see them. As a result, I can count the number of real friends I have on one hand, but I'm glad I have them. Also, you are so young, so many people are going to come and go in your life. You will know which ones deserve to stay in your life.
I've had the occasion to read your thoughts here and while you sometimes come across as abrasively opinionated (guilty of that myself) there's no disputing your intelligence. Perhaps your so-called "friends" are intimidated being around someone willing to think for himself. You deserve better.
this is interesting because im going through nearly the same thing, except i'm graduating college. I am sorry to say i have found very few genuinely good people in college. there are people that i spent the majority of my college career with, who at this point i'd be completely happy to just leave behind. I feel like i never demanded much out of a friend - basically I settled for people who i can get drunk with and can get along with decently sober - i dont feel like many relationships i've made are of great value, and that saddens me. in fact i am really sick of the people who i'm "friends" with here. i am facing extreme anxiety with graduating this May, and every single day for me has been a struggle to get through lately. thusly, i have also had an incredible urge to self-destruct in different ways, and... before i ramble any further, i'll just say fuck my life too. so yeah just know you're not alone, but at least you have another chance in college.
:cheers2: Life is full of useless shit...seems it has hit us both in ungodly amounts and we are wading knee-deep...joy I've found that releasing my frustration onto one person makes me feel wonderful. I feel somewhat bad because, secretly, everyone hates this person...and I have recently found the need to tell her that no one likes her. I will never see said human again in my life once I graduate, and I feel that such self-centered people deserve backlash. Plus she seeks retaliation from others, but the others don't act - I am acting for them... I guess my point is - find an outlet. My outlet doesn't do much else for me though...I'm going to be picking up a mushroom growing hobby here in the next week - maybe some zenlike cleaning will put me at peace
good luck with your mushroom cultivating endeavors. that sounds like a worthy hobby! you're right about it, we all need an outlet. right now its alcohol, but obviously its not fitting the bill. its more of a distraction, since it has no effect once im sober. Now what you did to that person sounds really dick. if she deserved it, then i'll take your word for it. i know why you did it. at the moment i am home for Easter break, so im doing my best to let the b.s. and worries temporarily float away. Mainly I'm just sleeping a lot. hows that for a solution! or spending time with my niece and nephew, who are thankfully NOT full of shit. because they are children. uhh yeah i have nothing more to relate on this point, because i havent done a whole lot to help my situation
Being a dick helps me, I guess...I'm tired of people walking all over me and taking advantage of my usual complacence
This has been said, but honestly, find better friends. Although as someone pointed out, you sometimes come off as strongly opinionated and a bit narrow minded, you are intellegent. Hopefully after you graduate and go to college, you'll find more intellegent, loyal, and reliable people to call your friends. Good luck. :]
i have been contimplating my choices in friends lately as well, as well as who i am when i am around them and who i really want to be...it can be tough to decide who you want to be friends with.. .my "close" friends at college are super nice and i love them but they are really just kinda a lot different and i dont really enjoy the same things and although they are great to talk to and everything i just dont feel like we mesh that well that we should be best friends my friends from high school are cool and i really have fun with them but i kinda feel like an asshole when i hang out with them just because of the way i (not them) act when we are together there is a group of friends that im not particularly close with that i think i mesh much better with and i do not feel like an asshole when i am with but they are already a closser group and i feel sorta outsiderish whe i am with them even though they do not treat me as if i am an outsider when i am already with them its not like they call me up to invite me along... so ..yea..i have some friend issues too
Okay. I didn't say you were, I said you come off as being that sometimes. So do I, so does everyone. Don't take it so personally, Christ.
When it comes down to it, you're the only person you can depend on. It's good to have friends and family to help you but when (god forbid) the shit hits the fan, it's you and you alone.
Weird. I've had this same kind of problem, but not too bad. Anyway, i'm pretty much doing what you're doing, getting a different friend circle by moving schools (this is something I would've done anyway because of timetabling problems). So good luck :cheers2: And happy late birthday!
Thanks man. I've recently found old friends, and I must say - being able to branch out when necessary is a nice feeling.
