mandy's poem

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by unknowngirl, Oct 31, 2004.

  1. unknowngirl

    unknowngirl Member

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    untitled poem by me
     
  2. unknowngirl

    unknowngirl Member

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    Untitled
    I tell myself i hate him
    Trying to persuade myself
    Saying he means nothing
    When he means everything
    When I'm with him I want my schars to dissapear
    When I'm not I want to make more
    He knows nothing of my secret passion for him
    Probably never will
    Still trying to tell myself I hate him
    Wishing he would feel the same
    He is the first thing I think about when I wake
    And the last when I lay down
    Making myself more and more wanting to end this time of mine
    Thinking of him I grab for the blade
    As i feel the stinging pain
    I watch the blood drip from my wrist onto the floor
    Thinking how this human could mean so much to me
    Knowing I'll see him tomorrow
    And act as if none of this happened
    As I always do
    by: Mandy Ann
     
  3. unknowngirl

    unknowngirl Member

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    On the 5th line its scars
    Please tell me what you guys think about it I know it's not that good so i can take bad critisism
     
  4. kidder

    kidder Member

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    It's a bold poem. I think the first half works well. However the graphic presentation in the last half is a little hair-raising. I know 'reality' sometimes works but I wonder if your reader wouldn't react more to you if the language in the part mentioned was more subdued or metaphorical.
     
  5. x3oh4riotX

    x3oh4riotX Member

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    i really feel this one. i like it alot. i think alot of us have had the same type of feelings you are going through. alot of the same problems, but cheer up girl, things get better and just remember that this guy that you are stressing about, in 10 years, you wont even remember his name! you will find yours and life will be so exciting that you wont be able to stand it. so smile, your poem was great!
     
  6. unknowngirl

    unknowngirl Member

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    thankyou x3oh4riot *smiles*
     
  7. Moonjava

    Moonjava Senior Member

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    Wow, that's deep and full of emotion. I've felt similar, only witout the blade. I'm not really too into morbid suicide poems, but this was pretty good. I liked how you ended it.

    Peace out!
     

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