mandy's poem

untitled poem by me

 

Untitled​

​

I tell myself i hate him​

Trying to persuade myself​

Saying he means nothing​

When he means everything​

​

When I'm with him I want my schars to dissapear ​

When I'm not I want to make more​

​

He knows nothing of my secret passion for him​

Probably never will​

Still trying to tell myself I hate him​

Wishing he would feel the same​

​

He is the first thing I think about when I wake​

And the last when I lay down ​

​

Making myself more and more wanting to end this time of mine​

Thinking of him I grab for the blade​

As i feel the stinging pain​

I watch the blood drip from my wrist onto the floor​

Thinking how this human could mean so much to me​

​

Knowing I'll see him tomorrow​

And act as if none of this happened​

As I always do​

​

by: Mandy Ann​

​

 

On the 5th line its scars
Please tell me what you guys think about it I know it's not that good so i can take bad critisism

 

It's a bold poem. I think the first half works well. However the graphic presentation in the last half is a little hair-raising. I know 'reality' sometimes works but I wonder if your reader wouldn't react more to you if the language in the part mentioned was more subdued or metaphorical.

 

i really feel this one. i like it alot. i think alot of us have had the same type of feelings you are going through. alot of the same problems, but cheer up girl, things get better and just remember that this guy that you are stressing about, in 10 years, you wont even remember his name! you will find yours and life will be so exciting that you wont be able to stand it. so smile, your poem was great!

 

thankyou x3oh4riot *smiles*

 

Wow, that's deep and full of emotion. I've felt similar, only witout the blade. I'm not really too into morbid suicide poems, but this was pretty good. I liked how you ended it.

Peace out!