Im 32, married to a 21 yo-we've been together 3 years and been to hell and back together-our love is strong but once in a while the age diff makes for rocky going-especially when so many others hit on him and try to steal him away. We have an open relationship. I'd be a fool to think a young guy like him doesnt still need to sow his wild oats-I know how I was at 21. As long as he's safe, it's cool. I trust him, and he always comes back to me. I'm monogamous myself, too tired and uninterested in anything except building a new better life for us. Does anyone else on here have such an age different relationship, and if so how do you deal with it?
18 to 19 I was in a pretty serious relationship with a 30 year old man, then he dumped me, crushed me hard, then I wet out with a girlfried of mine for a while to prove my gayness, in the process I scored some warts, originally blamed her, but then I realized it was him, what a fucking asshole.... I'm not sure what to say, I loved him and he screwed me over. I hope the best for you two.
i wouldnt really care if my bf was sleeping around but i'd think it'd be kinda disrespectful to me. i'd like him to be safe also. i am the younger not the older . if it doesnt bother you then i see no problem really. i feel though when you guys married you should have had sex only with youselfs, otherwise whats really the point of marrige ?
Well, I use the term 'marriage' simply for want of a better term. To me marriage is a straights term. We're legal domestic partners, but even then what counts most to me is the commitment ceremony we had one night just between ourselves. And that commitment keeps us together but also gives us necessary freedom to explore (safely) our sexualities-part of being gay is being sexually open minded, I think. And as I've said so often, trying to keep a 21 yo satisfied just by myself is like trying to lasso a whirlwind.
I'm 20 and I used to date a 41yo guy. We had to break up cuz I understood he was always very uncomfortable with other people around. It was pretty clear to me that he ws affraid that people could think he was just paying a "rent boy", or that he was stupid not to see that "the young bloke he's after his money" - we both knew it was not the case, not even close, but people tend to think this way and I knew he couldn't handle it. And that's not what I'm looking for in a man - I want a MAN, not a pussy. About the open relationship, well, that "he's only 21 so he has to experiment other dicks" stuff is just bullshit, honestly. I'm not into a relationship anymore cuz I've never been and I'll never be able to trust a man and so to fall in love with him. It has nothing to do with my age or with having to shag several guys. If I started a relationship it HAD to be monogamous, for both parts. Otherwise I wouldn't see it as a relationship, I'd see him as a "fuck buddy". I'm 20 and I'm absolutely sure I would be monogamous if I were in a relationship - it has nothing to do with age!
yeah, it's funny how noone really cares if its an older guy and young gal, but the other way around or in gay relationship it's a topic of conversation and conjecture-last night we went out with a couple (gay males) who are 49 and 32-been together 14 years and just amazing to see their love-as for nick and i we're trying to spend some down time apart-i went to a bar other night alone, he did a job by himself other day-just too much being together 24/7, especially with our different interests-and we're working an awful lot-but we've gotten along so well lately-appreciate our time together more. he's sleeping right now-i'll snuggle with him soon and wake him up slowly-he's amazing...
hey Andy! I'm twenty years-old, and for the past year (almost to the day, actually!) I've been in a "relationship" with a 38-year-old. Now, I use quotations because we agreed from the beginning that we would be everything that a boyfriend should be for each other, but that we would never give it the title of "boyfriend" or "relationship" or "partner." We did this because we knew from the get-go that we were two people who were in very different places in their lives. He being someone looking to settle down in the near future; and I, being someone who plans on enjoying his sexual twenties. . Time went by and we ended up falling for each other. HARD. and as in every relationship, that was where things started to get complicated. I could no longer speak to another gay without him getting self conscious of himself and our relationship. He later refused to come inside my house because he felt it would be disrespectful to my parents given that they were closer in age to him than I. Then, I met his friends and after awhile, I no longer wanted to spend time with them because they would take their insecurities with their relationships out on ours, and he wouldn't want to come around my friends because he again felt self conscious of his age. And given that we are both Virgos and have addictive personalities, our attachment to each other created problems with the whole open relationship thing. One would get upset with the other when they would find a potential boyfriend or even a potential fling. Even though our relationship has been a huge mess, I wouldn't trade it for anything! And I would say that all in all, the good times cancel out the bad. I'm sure you feel the same. But it is hard. Very hard. A day to day struggle. It is only that we stand in different phases of our lives that keeps us apart. When I finish my schooling here, I don't plan on sticking around, and my worst fear is that when the time comes to part ways, I will have wasted years of his valuable time. Time that he could have spent looking for someone better and more suited for him. So someday soon I suppose I will have to break this cycle and let him go. If my desire to fly wasn't so strong, I would stay with him forever. Despite the insecurities, the arguments, the awkwardness and the sexual straying. After all, it does make for some quality entertainment, right? If the two of you truly love each other and plan on being in the same place for awhile, then I think you should go for it! And I wish you the absolute best of luck! Cheers to you! -B
Personally -- I don't think I could date anyone that was obviously out of my age range. That is not to say I don't agree w/ it -- as long as it's over the consensual age on both sides, it's up to the respective sides. However w/ that being said I see two major problems that surface in the same light. 1. We all know there would be a maturity gap. Lets face it someone who is 18-21 just would not hold up in an intellectual conversation that a 30-40 year old could bring to the table.. and I see that being hard to deal w/ for both parties involved. 2. I also don't think I could deal w/ going to my older boyfriend's work functions being forced to fake a smile when you *know* those people laughing two tables down are poking fun at the fact my boyfriend brought someone of my age. Further more, I don't think age has anything to do with who can stay put in a monogamous relationship. I'm 20 years old and I have never wanted anything but that. I think it depends on the person/ circumstances. Just my input on the topic. Hope all is well w/ you and your boyfriend! =) Cheers. R lucas W.
well, it's interesting to see on here and elsewhere (online and in person) that i've discussed this-that i've found that many-most-folks believe that the older a person is, the more 'mature' or 'intellectual' they are- it's been my experience-not just in my own life but many i've known-that any younger poerson that gets involved in a relationship w./ older person is not only quite often the more 'mature' (whatever that means) but the more intelligent (if not intellectual)-my husband and i spent tonite looking at childrens cartoons on youtube from his days and mine-neither intellectual or mature but fun-in our case, i think our main problems arise when i try to force my experience on him or he tries to force me into experiences i've already had-neither of which would hurt us to try or try again but which we're both too stubborn to try-thanx very much for your response and dont take my reply the wrong way, any of you- keep writing and i'll respond-im just tired tinite si this may come out more crabby that i think
Yeah, when I was under 25 was really into guys in that 25-45 range, even older if they were still in shape. Edging 40 now, seeing it from the other side, it is kind of bizarre, dont think I would go below 30 now. One thing gay guys dont really talk about much is girls, if he has female friends in that 20 -25 range, well thats when they are in some ways the most annoying, and the daddy thing seems more of a motivation for them comapred to gay guys. So yes, uncomfortable around them, uncomfortable around parents who might be closer to your age, and more conscious of the dirty old man looks from the rest of the population, people see 40 yr old with 20 yr old and they are even more likley to assume its just about sex. Its stuff that can be overcome, but also stuff that isnt there in same age relationships
I'm "over" 60, and yes, I'm still alive, and still gay, and still love sex with my best friend and long time lover. He's just hitting 40 now, and we've been together for almost 16 years. (OK, so I didn't know about the cradle back then.) We have always shared everything we have with each other, without questioning or asking. We own everything together. We have insurance to pay the other when it's that time. We've been through hell together, we've laughed together, we've cried together, and we've loved each other through it all. It's been the best years of my life, and I think he'd say the same. There was a lot of discussion among our "friends" about his just in it for the money. About me being his Daddy, about his walking into a gold mine. But I never once thought that was the case, and he certainly never indicated that it was. In the stock market crash, we lost a rather substantial percentage of our combined wealth. We sold one of our houses that was underwater, and lost money on that. But, it hasn't made a bit of difference in our relationship. He's the most even tempered, uplifting guy I've ever met in my life. Never has an unkind word about anyone. Always wants people around him to have fun. Always wants to help other people. As an older guy, there couldn't be a better man to keep me pumped about life! I'm truly blessed by our relationship.
