Fearful to Slip Back Into Eating Disorder..

I have a history with eating disorders, mainly in high school I went through a really rough patch that I'm not too sure how I got out of where I just stopped eating and dropped a good 40 lbs in a few short months. I got really sick from the weight loss, and then ended up gaining it back over a year or so. Then, I got really depressed and gained more weight, then when I entered college, I befriended a bunch of girls who also had eating disorders and things got pretty unhealthy pretty fast, lost 7 lbs in a week at one point, would b/p together... not good...

As a rule, I do not own a scale because I get CRAZY compulsive (I.E: Weighing myself before and after eating, stuff like that) and I usually just judge my weight by how well my clothes fit. And as of recent, I've felt like I put on weight, (I guestamated around 4lbs) all my clothes still fit fine, they are just a little snug. But I was at my grandmothers last night and hopped on her scale without even thinking and BAM. 12lbs heavier than "normal".

Now, the second I saw that scale, allll my eating disorder tendancies and thought flooded back into my brain, and immediately I start thinking "Wow, you lazy sack of shit, how did you let yourself slip up like this!? Ok, today you MUST fast, ONLY water, then maybe tomorrow too, then after that, if you're good, just veggies, for a week, remember, no more than 500 calories per day!!! No carbs! No sweets! NO NO NO!..." and I'm trying my darndest to block these thoughts and just eat healthy but it's soooo hard to watch my caloric intake without taking it to an extreme level.

So my question is, how does one with prior eating disorders lose weight in a healthy way without falling back into old habits? And, I'm not dysmorphic, I know I'm not "over weight" and I actually think I'm pretty fucking sexy, despite eating disorders I've never lacked self confidence, always been more of a control issue with food, but I am certainly not fit or as fit as I could/should be, I could lose a good 10-20lbs. But I want to do it healthy, and I'm just not sure where to begin.

 

Do not and I repeat, do not step on a scale. You're absolutely right in that once you do, it can trigger those tendencies to flare up again. I step on a scale once a year for my yearly physical at the doctor's, if that. The last time I did, which was a month ago, I was surprised to see that I had lost 11 pounds from the last time I had gotten on, which had been a year prior to that! I refuse to keep a scale in my house because I know myself, and I know I'd become absolutely obsessed with the numbers.

Judge by how you feel, how your clothes fit.

I eat pretty much whatever I want for the most part, but I exercise daily, and that's what has made me lose the weight I wanted to lose after I had my kids. Not excessively, about 30 minutes a day, sometimes a little more depending but other than that, I don't do anything destructive such as starving myself, binging, purging, or taking any type of diet pills/laxatives like I once did. I drink lots of water and I don't count calories. I take some of my higher fat foods and lighten them up. I just eat healthy, and indulge in the "bad foods" sensibly. I mean, you can't live with a life of total restriction, you'll be absolutely miserable. And are a few pounds worth it? No, no, no!

Don't diet, it doesn't work and it sets the stage for binging. Just make sure you're getting lots of veggies, healthy proteins, and most importantly, be active. Just don't go overboard, you hear?

It's hard...I started with Anorexia at 9 years old, and then it lead into Bulemia in my teens. For years after that I had an up and down up and down yo-yo battle with my weight, a distorted self image and would get so angry at myself for being so out of control.

It took a lot of change to get me into a more healthy frame of mind. And some might say that I do still have issues. However I know for myself, I've come a looooong way.

Hang in there, and please, take care of yourself.

{{{Hugs}}}

 

Go run for 30 minutes everyday, thats really all it takes. Thats one tv show. If you held that plan everyday forever, you could probably eat whatever you wanted, and be super sexy! replace run with dance, bike, sex the possibilities are endless.

I heard water is better than soda too.