Well my boyfriend and I have been on and off for almost 5 years, we are both 24 now. He initiated all the breakups (usually once or twice a year) and was usually very, very cold about it. I'd be depressed for awhile, but I think a part of me was relieved that I didn't have to be in such an unhealthy relationship anymore. We'd be broken up for about 2 months, getting over him pretty well, then of course, he'd come crying back to me, begging for forgiveness, saying how he'd taken me for granted and wanted to change, you know how that goes. And like a fool I'd take him back, knowing things would be good for a month or so, but he'd eventually go back to his assholish ways. Yeah it was weak of me to let him back into my life, but part of me (the dumb part) really wanted to believe things could get better, and maybe a little out of boredom, yes its pathetic! I know he treats me this way because he knows I'll stay, and if he breaks up with me he knows I'll take him back. I understand that I'm allowing this all to happen. I wish I could've been stronger, but I thought I loved him and wanted to be loved by somebody in return, yes I've got issues (had a very cold, harsh and unloving father, with a submissive mother, one of my greatest fears is to have a relationship like theirs). So anyway, during our most recent breakup I decided that I wanted to move out of state, and like clockwork he comes crawling back to me. Well we start hanging out again and things couldn't have been better. It really felt like something had changed. So we decided to move out of state together. It's been 6 months since we moved out but it feels like 6 years. Almost all his free time is dedicated to playing his x-box, and rarely is he affectionate. We used to have sex pretty regularly, about 4-5 times a week, now I'm lucky to get it 4 times a month, if that. It feels like he isn't attracted to me anymore, which I've confronted him about, but he claims he's tired and feels too pressured to satisfy me (I've complained about our sex life during arguments). He is a very irritable person, and we fight about the most petty of things. Our arguments always seem to escalate and all the unresolved issues resurface. He usually shuts down at that point and I get incredibly frustrated and insults start flying from my mouth. I hate the person I become when he shuts down, I can say the most hurtful things, but it hurts me when he is so unresponsive. I feel like he isn't listening and doesn't care about how I feel. Well I've come to the point where I have to make a decision about staying here with him and trying to make things work, or moving all the way back home. There are times when it seems so clear that I should go, and then other times where I question those thoughts. I'm extremely confused. I would really like some input from anyone who has been in a similar situation. I'm tired of feeling this way. Help! I know if this were happening to a friend of mine I would tell them to just leave the jerk already, but it's harder when it's your own decision. THANKS!
I would leave. It sounds like you guys don't mesh well together and like he isn't good for you and maybe you aren't good for him. Stop pressuring him about sex though. It's his body and by pressuring him or fighting about it you're turining something beautiful into a chore. It just sounds like you aren't meeting each other's needs
Wigwam - - is your real name Mat? as in DoorMat? I don't give a damn how low you rate in self-esteem, you can certainly make it on your own. Leave him for good, close the door, erase him from your memory and don't look back. And wait at least 6-9 months before you do any dating. Nothing serious for at least a year. Good luck and be safe!
that's great advice. You'll see this as a blessing in the future when you end up with the perfect person for you. You deserve no less than your image of perfection.
when men do this they are emotionally insecure and its a test that he give you each time to see how much controll he can have on you.....i know its tough especially when they won't communicate. it's childish and a form of womanizing abuse, when you get a plan then you should leave him and just look at it as karma for him to grow up and see how it feels when someone leaves...and look back on it as loving and learning...so next relationship you will recognize the signs earlier and can leave without to much of a waste of emotional envolvement...hopefull you wont have a next time but you ay since alot of the attraction to abusive men has to do with emotions from your childhood absence of a father...
By taking him back all those times yo'ure basically telling him its ok to treat you like that. I can understand not wanting to be alone and wanting to be loved, but its not love what he's doing. Real love doesn't hurt and if it does, it's not worth it. Kick him to the curb and find someone who's going to really love you for you and is willing to make the relationship work, not treat you like his toy when he feels like it. You're not his puppet and u need to realize this. There are millions of fish in the sea, you dont have to settle for that one. sometimes its better to be alone than with someone who doesnt treat you right. a good friend told me once , when ur tired of being alone you settle for any piece of sh*t that comes your way. I know I've done it, and also know where it led me, down a road I had no business being on. Get out while you still have your sanity, and know that there is better out there, dont settle for less than what you deserve.
If you've presented an honest picture of the relationship, then you should probably leave. However, no one can give a good answer after hearing only your side of the story. So before you treat these responses as meaning anything, think hard and make certain that you've presented things fairly, to the point that you can expect any responses to be unbiased.
Now usually I'd say do what your heart says. But sometimes you have to convince your heart that this ain't right. Kick his ass to the curb. He doesn't deserve you and you don't deserve to be treated that way. Go get yourself a real man. He'll be just fine with his X-box.
At the same time, if she HONESTLY feels that way, it's not heathly either, so they probally shouldn't be together.
