Not gay?

Have any of you ever questioned your homosexuality after coming out as gay? For some reason, I've been thinking that I might not actually be gay, but bisexual. I don't know why I'm suddenly feeling this way, but I feel like if I have the feeling at all that it must be legitimate in one way or the other. The thing is, if I think about doing anything sexually with a girl, I still am not aroused, but I also wonder if I'm just weirded out at the idea of doing something with a girl as I was with doing stuff with a guy for the first time? I don't know, I'm just thinking and am wonderin if any of you have gone through similar things. I'm also wondering if it's just my own frustration as my lack of luck with guys over the past four years- I haven't really been in a relationship since I was 15, so maybe I'm just remembering my last girlfriend and just missing the idea of being in a relationship, who knows????

 

Sexuality gender intimacy arousal romance love etc...

Maybe you're both homosexual, Heterosexual, Bisexual AND Asexual.

You can turn this over and over in the mind get nowhere I know what you mean =P
It won't necessarily help you to define your sexuality. It may help others though =)

 

Yeah, briefly. Or rather, I questioned what it meant to be gay, whether I'd pigeonholed myself... basically whether I should "just try it" with a woman. But then I realised that I wasn't prepared to put even a tenth of the effort into finding a woman to try this with than I would into finding a man (and that was about a tenth of the effort needed), so I couldn't be bothered. Possibly not the most satisfying coming of age experience, but you take what you can get. EDIT: what I mean is, I figured that, if I was into girls, it wouldn't seem like such a massive ordeal to get laid with them. Guys are just as much of a pain in the arse but I love em so I don't care.


Thing is, constant reassessment of yourself is a good thing. But in order to do it and retain your identity, you need some way of knowing that you have thought about a subject even if you come back with the same answer. Otherwise you'll just end up changing for the sake of changing.

 

Funny. I was actually wondering the same thing and thats why I came here just now, but you posted first. Yeah I came out as gay but lately I have been feeling bi or even straight. I don't like the majority of girls though, but I feel like I just need to find the right one. everytime I have been with a guy (which was twice this year and nothing years before that) but It just seemed weird. I think guys are hot but I don't know if it goes much further. I seem to fall in love with straight guys more so than gay guys.

sometimes I feel like i just would like to hook up with my guy friends but just for fun type thing, nothing serieous. something about gay guy action turns me off when its actually happening. I dopn't know why. Maybe I either need to find more straight acting gay men, or maybe I am not as gay as I think I am. errrr I don't want to have to go through this again.

 

For awhile after I came out, I would think a girl is "cute" and thought that maybe that meant I was bi or straight and confused.

After mulling it over though, I realized I was simply admiring her looks on a aesthetic level, there were no tinglings of sexual desire/lust, I simply thought she looked nice.

There's my brief period of confusion. Suffice it to say that I am a happy gay man with no lingering questions about his sexual preferences

 

SlushiesMushies, I kind of feel the same way as you, although I never thought of it the way you worded things. I do often fall in love with straight guys more often than gay guys, but I also just wonder if its simply because of the lack of gay guys Ive really been around. I mean, there are more gays now that I'm at college, but defintiely not many at all, mostly becuse my college is tiny and has many more woman in the first place. So I don't really know. Guys turn me on and all, but somtiems I feel like I can connect with girls better. But i dont know, I think its just in reference to one girlfirend I had who I am still really close with. My first boyfirend and I are still in contact even though he lives in Europe and we are good friends,so I knwo I can have that connectino with a guy...but I havent met anyone since who I've really been into. I also havent met many gay dudes in general, so thats probably why.

I dont know! But its interesting listening to other people talk about it as well....Hoatzin, I have felt the same way as you siad it: if I really was into girls, it wouldnt feel like Id need to force myself, whereas I'm comfroable with getting with a guy...this is all so interesting to think about, even though its confusing.

 

Thats the trouble with out and proud, tends to cut out straightacting/ones that want discretion which is more often than not the macho end of town

 

I still find girls hot, but not in a sexual way. Human nature to just be able to tell whether someone is attractive I find.

I had a girlfriend many moons ago, and quite frankly it's the reason I would never doubt myself. Lovely girl, but I cringe at the thought of the intimacy.

If you are doubting yourself it could simply be a case of crossing the rubicon. That, of course, meaning you have passed through the stage of no return. It would be perfectly natural to doubt yourself. In a way, coming out is labeling yourself, and you may not feel ready to accept restrictions on your sexual preference. Women may simply be a case of 'I want the one I cannot have'.

Whatever the reason, hope you find peace with it all. I notice you said you haven't had a relationship in a while, and either way that could be a cause as you rightfully suggested. After all, if it was a man then it has been a while- yet if it was the girlfriend you spoke of, you truly haven't experienced intimacy with another male. Either way, I say best way to go about it is to simply throw both genders against the wall, and see who sticks.

 

Yeah, LorettaYoungSilks, I understand what youre saying. Yeah, I think not having been in a relationship for over 3 years has to do with it...However I think you misunderstood what I said- I HAVE had a boyfriend, but it was a shortlived thing (a month) but I defintiley expreienced intimacy with him and I of course enjoyed it. However aside from that first experience, I've basically only had hookups since then (there was a dude I was really into the past six months, and we had this thing going, only for it to wind up that he basically just wanted to have fun...). Aside from my first boyfriend and these hookups, I had a girlfriend for over a year in 8th/9th grade, someone I'm still great friends with- and I've never been closer with someone in my life, I'd say. So I think I'm just relating a lot of this to my relationship with my ex girlfreind, but who knows??? And yeh, I really can't imagine doing anything sexual with a girl.

I feel like I won't know for sure until I've really had a normal, healthy relationship with another guy, something more than hookups. But it's not like I already haven't been wanting to have a boyfirend already- and I dont think I should approach it with that mindset, so I just gotta give it all tiem...

 

I think it's probably because I knew I liked guys a long time before I was sexually active, and never really did any experimentation; I ended up thinking about this later in life rather than early on. I've never dismissed the possibility that I might like a girl someday, and if it happens it happens, but if the future resembles past futures, I'd say it's unlikely. She's pretty much have to be able to beat me up for me to be able to find her even slightly attractive

 

lol all you here are confused
you just need to find the right person. guy or girl

 

Also Girls really never say out loud to most guys what they really think of guys, but they do tend to assume that at least half will stick it anywhere.

Piano, if that is you in your pic, which I assume it is, then you are a touch too on the "pretty" side. Think about yourself compared to every guy your age, you are probably prettier than at least 95% of them, putting you in that top 5%. Please don't take offense if you do. So with the girls its not so much that they might think you are gay or bi, but they do know there is a fair chunk of straight guys out there where a pretty face is all thats really required.

It's not just about pretty, anyone at a certain level of androgyny gets it.

So with the girls, at 19, it might not be much of an issue, but when they get to mid 20s, start really thinking about marriage and babies, its going to be a big red flag.

Plus they know a certain level of control in a guy, especially around hot girls only comes in one of two ways: Guys with a lot of sexual experience with women, guys with little sexual interest in women. So if you are in better control around hot girls comapred to most guys your age, they are going to at least get a big hint if not "know".

My point, especially when it comes to the long term stuff, the choice part isnt really up to you. Pretty guys get it all the time, look at Zac Effron currently with a long term girlfriend, but most just assume that he's going to end up gay

 

Vanilla Gorilla, I don't really get your point. I'm not worried about getting with girls or my prospects of that happening, I was simply thinking about my sexuality and questioning things. I can't tell if you are just fucking with me or if you're really trying to say something, because if you are I really didn't get it.

But thanks for saying I'm pretty!

 

To try put it concisely, I guess I'm trying to say the "choice" part has just as much to do with everyone else as it does you. If a lot of people suspect you are that way most of the time they'll whisper and gossip behind your back rather than say it to your face

As for guy relationship troubles, sounds like its more about geography, dont know much about where you are, but by the sounds of it lucky if there is half a dozen gay guys of the type you are into around, most of them it might take time to meet / work them out

 

So yeah, apparently there's these various treatments that can change your sexuality, but they all seem to go for the very boring gay-to-straight option. No imagination at all.

 

I'm just confused about the "choice" youre talking about? Do you mean about "choosing" to be gay or not? That's not what I'm talking about at all. And what do you mean "if a lot of people suspect you are that way"- suspect that I'm gay? or that I'm pretty? or what??? I'm just confused, I don't get what you're addressing in what I said. And gossip and whisper about what????? That I'm gay? Are you trying to say that if I were to come to the conclusion that I'm indeed bisexual that getting with girls would be hard because they'd all just think I was gay and whisper and gossip about it behind my back???
And if so, who the fuck cares and why do you feel the need to say that? I'm not worried about that at all (not to mention that most people don't believe me when I tell them I'm gay).

But yeah, I agree that its geography issues- I am not living in a city and haven't recently so I've just not much of the opportunity to meets lots of gay dudes...

 

Yeah, pretty much

You will if you want action from both sides

I have no idea, nothing to do with the thread at hand was it, I think I just like to see myself type

Uh Huh

 

K, so you're pretty much a dick. Just checkin'.

 

Pianoperson, there are alot of gay people in Amherst, even though its small. And its right next to noho.

 

Sounds like you are still attracted to dudes

Longest relationship I had was with the girl I mentioned, so I understand completely where you are coming from. And I admit, I miss the bond we shared. You will eventually replace it, but I must admit finding a good stable relationship with a bloke is hard work. Promiscuity isn't quite the word i'm looking for, but most recently outed gay people will probably spend years catching up for lost time, if you catch my drift.

So with that in mind, as you rightfully suggested, it's simply a case of time I would suggest. Good luck with it all, and keep everyone posted! When you find a man, would be great to hear you were at peace with everything, yet to revert back to women could be quite the interesting discussion.