Well I just felt like righting something, and I am a really bad at critiqing my own work so feel free to tell me what you think good or bad, thanks. I would explain the motivation, yet those words might impede that which I am trying to convey. Different become the times When twilight becomes the hour. From the distant horizon shine The last dreams of will-less power. Patience must be infinite To bring the future home, But now stuck in such a pit Too much authority to roam Sooner may come the beams In which to find some nest Watching as the bowl streams, Smoke rivers give ambition rest. Long till the day when my dreams find form. Torn by echoes of ambitions endless roar. Dreaming of an escape from some shallow norm. Simply glad I should be that I aspire to more. Thanks for reading ______________________________________________________________ The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious ; it is the fundamental emotion which stands at the cradle of true art and true science. -- Albert Einstein
I like the first six lines and especially the gentle meditativeness of the first two. I commend you for wanting to write a traditional poem. Just make sure who's walking the dog. Don't let rhyme bully content.
We create the horizon of ourselves through dreams and aspiration. Thank you for sharing your work, thoughts and feelings. Each and every sentient being holds a key and a secret for those who see and those who listen... as you would say will-less.
hey thanks for your thought and interpretations there great to here, and that is a good point "Don't let rhyme bully content." I have a tendency to do that sometimes, but oh well.
I think I get what your saying. At least, I can relate to this in my own way, which is the important thing I guess. Still, it seems all mixed up together, like you bounce back and forth between ideas (and maybe do so to fit the rhyme). You talk about the norms and authority, and also about aspiring for more. Good themes, definitely; but the way you mixed them are confusing, especially the 3rd stanza. I'm not sure if the smoke is a good thing or a bad thing. Are you aspiring for more than this smoke or more than the authority and norms? It isn't clear at all. Despite that, I liked it, it has great potential. Just spend some time with it and you'll have something great.
Rather glad you asked about the smoke issue. You see at the moment I am on probation, and the next hope I have in my life is getting high again in about 6 months, for you see I am a far to ambitous person to be content with tolerating the normal state of things with the day in and day out grind. Not to say I am lazy it's only a grind when your actions cannot be your own I suppose is more what Im getting at. So getting a little ripped helps calm my ambition and simply relax with more patience to dream of the day when this societies last use for me shall be simply a launchpad for the escape from it. That is what I was getting at with the whole smoke and tempest dream thing. -by the way that is a d@mn righteous quote _________________________________________________________________ "Small is the number of them that see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts ." -Albert Einstein
Ya, i looked it over and tryed to pound out some of the area's it wasn't seeming to flow so well in, and also tried to give a better less confused feeling to it overall. Hope it made it better.
Alright, I think I get what you're sayin. You're saying you feel so ambitious that you use weed to help yourself cope with the fact that you have far to go in order to meet the ambitions. But now you're on probation, can't smoke, and feel depressed at the gap between where you are and where you want to be. You're angry at the laws that take away your freedom to run your own world, and dream of the day when you will be free. You should try rewriting it, with your intentions on what you mean to convey in mind. Like I said, it's got great potential, just needs to be sorted out a little.
I won't shy away if you call me a snake, however, Dandelion capsules taken three capsules at a time, three times a day for three days will clear both blood and urine of all THC traces. I like your modifications.
yes and yes, its excellent for detoxing and generally priced around $7. of course the three days include not continuing to smoke during that time and drinking at least a gallon of water a day during the detox.
ya but Ive heard about some reliability issue with that stuff, and I am not in a position to be making any degree of a gamble with the charges I got on me. Yet Ive never heard specifically of this "dandelion" capsule
http://www.care2.com/channels/solutions/self/412 worked for my test and is super good for you with no side effects and inexpensive... thats all i'll say.
There's a guy over on the marijuana forum who is in need of some help, which is why I ask. Maybe you could offer your experience to him on that thread: http://hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=41104
