Terribly confused, opinions please?

Can a man love and adore his wife but still have affairs and cyber sex on the side?

 

i personally say it is wrong. why cant just one person satisfy you? If my spouse wanted that i would be very hurt. I would never want that, but it depends on their views on the subject.

 

yes.

 

If he’s looking for something elsewhere, what ever it is - could be because it is lacking in he’s current relationship.

Find out what it is that draws him to these external sources – like flirting, excitement etc. and be certain that this is what he’s seeking. Replicate it in your relationship. And hopefully this draws he's attention back to you.

 

no.

 

No.

 

Thanks so much for the replies.


Thats exactly the question that goes through my mind aslo GreenPeace, why can't one person satisfy him? I am very hurt by what i've seen and i can't understand.


I've thought about that too Missy, I give him so much attention already, thats another reason why i can't understand. I've gone as far as i can looking at what he's been looking at and talking to online to the point that it sickens me and there is no possible way that i can be that, just no possible way.

I don't know why he wants me or even wants me here. He acts like he loves me, he acts like he's crazy about me, but then i find all of this stuff he is doing. I don't know if it's a phase he is going through or if he was like this all the time and i just didn't know. I'm just so confused about the whole thing.

 

Set up a fake account on wherever he goes to cyber and cyber with him. Then say something hinting like "Wish this could be real" and when he inevitably says "Me too" show up behind him naked! Might work

 

Sadly to say, i've already done the fake account thing several times and he has fallen for it and i don't want to show up behind him naked, i want to show up and scream why don't you tell me to leave if i'm wasting my time here!

Thanks for your reply though.

 

I'd leave, theres no point in stay with someone who lies to you.

 

Oh I'm sorry to hear that then. Yeah I'd say either see a councilor or leave him. Thats not normal

 

The answer is quite simply...yes

 

This is why i think it's very important before you get into a relationship that you find out what their views on a relationship is. For instance, in this case, seems like confused wife is a good faithful woman - so, before ever getting into anything in the first place, questions could have been asked if he's willing to stick to one and one woman only. women are terrific at detection lies and if he said otherwise than his intentions, you all would pick it up. that question needs to be asked in person though.

anyhow, in my view, a man should stick to one woman and vice versa, if you don't feel that way, then don't get married unless your partner feels the same way as you about multiple partners.

 

Maybe you should take advantage of this. Talk to him about it...maybe he would be into a open relationship. Or you two could swing? I mean really, wouldn't you like a piece of strange ass? Just take a minute and think about what you want and not what you think is right or wrong.

 

Yes, he can do all that, but if a guy did that to me he would be dumped so fast he wouldn't even know what hit him

 

hey confusedwife
i'm going through something similar with my boyfriend. i recently found out he was web camming, going to hook up sites and having phone sex with other people. i'm just as lost as you are. from the feedback i've received, you can't forget about your own happiness and feelings. just wanted to let you know you're not alone. there is no perfect answer to this question, i guess it is all relative to the kind of relationship one has with their spouse. all i know is that you can't forget about yourself in the search of the answer to this question.

 

This is a tough thing for women to understand about men. Have you noticed the trend in the online responses? Most of the women see this situation as a serious problem. Most of the men do not. There is a reason for that. It is simply a basic difference in the way that the majority of men and women think about sexual things. There is no reason for you to take it personally.

How can the male urge for variety and adventure be explained to someone who does not experience it? I may as well try to explain color to a blind man. It is not your fault that it makes no sense to you, or anybody else's fault. It is what it is. It's hardwired into the brain. Men are tempted by variety, and it is physically impossible for you to be several differrent women at the same time.

Guys are also action-oriented. I'm sure you can understand that part easily enough. If we take no ACTION, if we don't physically meet the other girl somewhere and DO something, we tend to feel like it was all harmless. Nothing happened. Words are nothing but air. If you tried to explain to him why you don't see it that way, it would probably be a lot like trying to explain color to a blind man.

Guys like concrete rules. We aren't allowed to meet the other girl in a hotel room. We get that. We can understand and follow that one. Never again think about another woman? Huh? What are you talking about? We don't get that at all. Sounds gay.

There could be an age issue at work also. I don't know about your husband's age, but guys go through phases where a little flirting makes us think we aren't turning into middle-aged losers after all. It has nothing to do with potentially replacing the wife. That's a different problem.

When the guy starts showing interest in a REAL woman, someone who isn't shallow or superficial, then it's time for the wife to worry. Your husband isn't flirting with someone he would ever share a house and a bank account with. I would bet you $100 on that.

 

some of what r hampton said made sence
but i am a man who thinks its a serius problem
one u shiould be talking to him about
.
i wouldnt bother with the fake profiles or sneaking round checking up on him
id simply ask him face to face if you love me whgy do you nedd all this cybersex crap.
he may have an addiction, for 1
he maynot be as good a person as u think.. (many guys get very pushy when it comes to that, even demanding and then turn rude or abusive if they dont gert theyre way imediateky)
he may have a problem that makes it hard for him to give it up (like he said, midlife crisis)

there can be so many causes, but you have to get to the bottom of it by talking it thriugh.. and letting him know how it makes u feel.
if things dont change, try therapy and if they never change you may wanna find a guy who treats u the way u want to be treatred

unfortunately u may find thrres a large number of guys who wuill behave the same..but not all
theres definatekly one who will want you and only you.

besides this, are u happy?

 

I wouldn't agree with you soaring eagle, the term addiction is tossed around so easily for asshole's to justify the fact that their assholes. A true addiction is very rare and can't be diagonsed over the internet.

 

Thanks again to everyone who have replied.

Sorry Psquidy, the thought of that sickens me, that can never happen. If that is the life he wants then he needs to just let me go because i don't want that kind of life, it's not me and will never happen. If he is willing to take a chance of possibly getting a disease by having alot of sex partners, then he needs to tell me to go because i'm not willing, nor do i want to take a chance like that. By exposing himself to possible diseases, he is also exposing me to it.

Roamingfree, does it make you feel bad about yourself? It does me. It makes me feel like i'm not sexy or good enough.

R Hampton i think he is taking action, i'm pretty sure of it since he uses the words "i would like to meet you or i want to meet you". From everything he has said to these aliases, and from everything i've seen him say to others, ( yes, i have his login info to one of the sites) it all proves to me that he is taking action. What i don't understand is why does he want me here if he needs others? Why does he act as though i am everything to him when apparently i am not? He knows how i feel about what he is doing, so why does he want me here, why doesn't he tell me to leave?

Soaringeagle i was extemely happy until i started finding out about all of this. Now i just feel like crap all the time. Before all of this i felt special, needed, loved and felt like i had a purpose. My first marriage was really bad, that man almost destroyed my life and spirit. Then this man came along and started making me feel better about myself, even started repairing the mind damage the first marriage did and then BAM! Now i hit bottom again. It was like being on an elevator moving so slow to the top, learning how to trust again, learning how to feel good about myself again, just learning how to get my old self back and then just when i feel like i'm about to make it to the top floor, something happens and BAM, elevator falls quickly back to first floor. Hope that made sense.

Oh and there is no use asking him about nothing. The first time i found out about things and confronted him on it, he just blew up and got mad. I wanted to talk about it, he didn't. I know all to well how that game goes, learned that from the first marriage.