Easy Light, Busy Mind

haha, everything is true, everything is false.

So the plan was to go for a drive, that was the only thing I could get my feeble mind around and it sounded amazing. Even though I took the cid only four hours before, I felt levelled enough to go out; everything had happened so early and stabilized so quickly. I was still gone, though. Less able than a 2-year-old so I officially told C that I was lost and he was my sitter and for all intents and purposes, I was a newborn infant. To ground myself I ate some food. The walnuts were too hard to chew and I had no milk but I was ecstatic that I had hummus. I ate it with my finger and it went straight into my stomach and gave me explosions of energy. I felt like my 18 month old son who likes when I feed him my oatmeal because he doesn't have to chew it and it goes straight to the gut as if he's a duck. I put on his identity many times on this trip.

The clouds at dusk really took me in. No human creation could challenge their pure beauty. The car ride was just nuts until I told myself it was all a dream and then it was an enjoyable and comforting dream. For some reason Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny were singing on the radio and I found it so funny I was in hysterics. The passing Oregon scenery and the radio were an amazing way to spend some trip. With no radio I concentrated on the feeling of the motor and the passing road and it was the vague maternal feeling as before but in the car it was easier to lose myself to it.

A lot of typical psychedelic thoughts flew around my head. The one I remember is how there is no absolute truth for us to cling to for peace of mind on our mortality, but that there are limitless possibilities for us within our lifetimes. life is enough and love is enough and happiness is not complicated. It can be derived from any simple thing and the passing trees were all I needed at the time.

I looked at a young man in a passing car who was laughing with his head back and the rest of him was indistinguishable from the car and scenery. I felt like the world around him was his incarnate dream, but he was dreaming it and living it at the same time. Then his head became a swaying flame that kept its surroundings lit. The flame was both sleeping and conscious. The man was floating downstream in the river of his life while his imagination fed the fire.

My enjoymeny was obstructed only because of my demanding bladder and the lack of proper back support in the car, so my friend found a park so I could evacuate myself and find a treelimb to support my chiro device that stretches my upper back and neck. C commented that with the way I was holding the device combined with the beat up coat I was wearing (subzero temps are rare in the PNW so I don't have a decent heavy coat), I kinda looked like a murderer. I let that notion go to my head for a second and felt how a remorseful killer might feel which was freakishly interesting. I took care of business in the forest but forgot my way out and panicked for a second until I saw C through the woods.

We wanted to go to a buddhist or hindu temple with eastern monks but it was closed weekends so we went to Starbucks. I had a tea and it was like the first time I'd ever done it. I blended all the ambient noise together and held the tea under my face and everything coalesced into one and I was bathed in a tea-reality which I rather liked. Rather than there being something discussed over tea it was just the tea. It was the first time I really had tea; the warmth in my body was sublime I even felt it in my bones..........kind of an aimless post I'll be back later

 

Once we got back to the apartment I felt vulnerable to its emptiness and rigidity. We hadn't taken any herb on the car trip so I thought that was a good idea. My previous trip included some weird vibes from weed but I looked to it as more of a source of comfort on this trip and that's what it delivered. Our host's bong was dirty and clogged so I pulled out a small pipe named Witherspoon whom I had cleaned for the voyage. I loaded it with my homegrown, a strain of which I was especially proud, and inhaled it with high expectations.

The fact that I could taste it and that I grew it myself awashed my entire being with warmth and unity. In a flash as the smoke left I sensed all the patience and effort I had put in to growing the product, and it was reciprocating all of it with the same love and thoroughness when I needed it the most. I found it silly that I had been weird with weed before and my pre-trip self knew I would love this gift. I was so grateful for what I had provided and there was a weird but special feeling of how I know myself better than I know myself, if that makes any sense. The weed was also laced with the same maternal elements as before. Mostly the way I grew the herb was to allow mother nature to provide it, and her spirit permeated the smoke and my being.

C thought it's be a good trip to watch a movie about Bob Dylan in which different actors portray different parts of his personality and times in his life. I was skeptical due to the low dose but it was a great energy to groove on. The movie seemed to really understand my state of mind. At one point Dylan and Allen Ginsberg met up and were mocking a figure of Christ nailed to a crucifix, saying "you better get down from there, boy, or your momma get mad," or something. I only understood about half of what was spoken but was right in sync with the mannerisms and aesthetics. I had a brief vision of the simple essential message of Jesus and how each generation cut off more of the simplicity and replaced it with bureacracy and fear-based mind control. The christian's interpretations got more and more misguided and fear-based and it formed a pyramid shape: at the bottom was Jesus' simple message of life, love, tolerance, and at the top of the pyramid was very little standing room and a giant cross with Jesus nailed to it, with fairly graphic detail as in some sects. I thought "the Jews didn't kill Jesus, the christians did. Look at what they did to their God!" (*I don't mean to generalize Christians I know there are good and bad apples just like any other group I was only following the groove of the movie *)

The whole train of thought and vision indicated to me the latent fear of death in most of our minds. We often express it in the form of religion but apprehension about death is really the bottom line, and that is why the cross gets a lot of attention. We might not think that we worship death, but that fact is obviously sublimated into how we express religion. I like the dove as a symbol for Jesus much better. He didn't call attention to death he pointed to life here and now.

The tenant woke up from his day-sleep and joined us for bowls. There was something about him being awake and the light coming from his bedroom that was a comforting, rounding feeling. I felt very complete and centered and I found it easy to let go and meditate. The tunnel through the thicket of thorny, beautiful vines in my mind aligned itself and the light at the end was visible and palpable to me. The presence therein was not unfamiliar; I had before compared it to a windsock gently blowing in the wind but this was far subtler and quieter. The best way to say it is that it was like a partial vision of a single wooden stake in an empty desert with the sun shining brightly, with a old piece of rusty wire still nailed to it. Every now and then the wire would catch a bit of breeze that moved it slightly against the stake and the ground. During my attention to this model, I felt like I was the wire and I was gently moving in the breeze, my body moving involuntarily to it. I didn't stay in that for very long and I can say very little about it, except it was a very real but subdued peace; perhaps a ground-zero of my consciousness. It was everything and nothing. to be cont.

 

i wish i could remember things like this from my trips ive only tripped twice and both times i dont remember much but it was exzilarating they were amazing i want to be able to remember everthing but its so hard o get lost in so many differet things i fight to stay normal so i know that im not totally gone im afrade of getting lost and never comming back thats how deep ive gotton ive freaked out and had to come back

 

sorry, been sick and now I feel up to posting.

it is odd but I'm grateful that I remember so much of the trip. During the trips I tell myself that there's no way I can recollect anything let alone write a trip story but it always comes back. During the trip things seem normal, such as looking into the ceiling and seeing murals of visions with infinite dimensional depth and uniting with an alien yet familiar consciousness, and I'll often feel no surprise but feel as if those things have always been there. Only when I ego-up do I realize how far out it all was.
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C had to leave the apartment for some reason, I think to take the other guy to work. He asked if I'd be okay alone. Before when he went to get me groceries and I was peakin I felt very alone and the length of time was interminable. But I was calm and chilled on the couch. rather than music I decided to give in to the silence of the place. What followed was a deep connectedness to all humans living and dead. The wall offered visuals of this notion in the form of an interconnected diamond lattice-work, whose fibers were made of my arms and legs, and my neighbor's arms and legs and so forth. No one had a complete body; they would have three limbs and the fourth was another person entirely, repeated endlessly in a symmetrical diamond-matrix pattern.

My phone rang and it was the artist known as rygoody, a hipforums poster. I told him to hit me up while I was in Oregon and to burn one. I was really confused at how to talk; the last time I contacted him I was a different person. I must have sounded like a lunatic on the street trying to say words and the logistics of meeting up. I called C and had him do the talking and I had no idea if it was rude to put two strangers on the line and meet up.

So that got arranged and there was silence again in the apartment, but in a moment the other roommate came home with two friends. This roommate didn't know this was the day I'd be trippin there and he had some fun at my expense I think pretending to be mad that I was trippin there. It did psych me out a bit and I was way uncertain of what to do with myself with these new faces and variables, esp. since I had invited some one over who I didn't even know too well. I offered those people some of my homegrown and I was ecstatic that they accepted it so that they weren't bored and looking at me as if I was giving a performance (that's a shitty feeling to me on a trip).

Soon after C and rygoody showed up and I was blown away at how deep the silence was before all this happened and now it was the most chaotic confusion I think I've ever tripped on. Everyone was in the same room kinda quiet not really knowing what to say. There was a far out feeling I had at the time; everyone real-ness was dissipated and they were all different parts of my mind. I sorta fused the silent depth with the presence of the people and was able to find a common vibe somehow.

A girl asked who had taken acid that day and I was the only one. She said she was too scared to be the only one to drop and I knew what she meant. I tried my best to socialize and rygoody asked about smoking the hookah he'd brought and it took a few retarded moments for me to realize that it was a tobacco device, the weed would go in a separate vessel. I didn't know if it was allowed but we got sick of seeking permission and he assembled and fired it up.

this is sort of a half post, my wife needs the comp. tbc

 

The other people had taken off and it was just Ry and me pullin on the hookah. I was weird about the thought of tobacco but remembered it's common for me to smoke a little socially. It didn't taste like a cigarette I guess the bacco was cured in maple syrup or something but it was tasty and it did curious things to the LSD energy. Before this my mind would try to spread itself too thin around all the different mental channels, like a hunk of butter being forced through a strainer. With the tobacco I could focus in on just one channel and sort of "surf" through it. I was coming down so it was mild but very cool.

Ry said that it was because tobacco actually calms you, kills your energy in a way, and has a grounding effect, and that many cultures have held tobacco as sacred and shamanic-oriented. He said he only puffs on the hookah when he's on a psychedelic voyage and I could see the potential. I think he said it helps him draw and I asked if he had any drawings with him. He had a small pad with some stunningly well-crafted and deeply relevant drawings. He said that one time he was on acid and wondered downtown showing the drawings to random strangers and prophesying about the nature of God, which I found hilarious because that was no weirder than what I did as a mormon missionary in the exact same location.

The first one that took me in was of a content smiling sun-face in the center of a discombobulated humanoid or something. It was like there was a part of my mind trying to show me something throughout the day but I couldn't synch with it and now it was those same things my mind was pointing to, but fully illustrated with impeccable detail and symmetry. I wouldn't presume to describe them anymore; that's why it's visual art it goes beyond words. The series of drawings I melded with were a visual commentary on my trip that day, which is both ironic and expected; at some level we all undergo the same things with lucy.

Conversation was fragmented as I couldn't verbalize very well. I talked about the brilliant spot at my core that I'd been hiding, and I think he said if I didn't hide it somewhat then I wouldn't be a person or have an identity. I had a brief visual of a scene of darkness with a few spots of light. the lights were emanating each from their own source in a cone shape, the way water would flow from a showerhead. The few lights were driven to penetrate the darkness and the darkness was compelled to contain it or swallow it. They had a similar look to a few miners in a dark cave. Rather than the light coming from a bulb on their helmets it came from the center of their chests, seeking to illuminate the cave and the miners were seeking to illuminate it by covering the light from their core. Thus each light had a different perspective because each was focused upon a different spot in the cave.

that's about all I can come up with for now. I'm mad sick with a cold and my mind's stuck Ima have some soup and elder/peppermint tea

 

hey there friends I was going to finish this when I got better, then after i got better I didn't think to write. now i'm sick again but wanted to wrap up this thread. ps i'm also coming off of a little demon called oc's so i'm pretty far from the spirit of this experience.

not much else happened that has much communicative potential. I remember when Ry and I were looking at and discussing his pics that the topic of the grid came up. in an ego-reduced acid state we can see the geometric nature of our existence. the lowest common denominator of it all is an eternally inter-connecting grid, allowing for indiscriminate energy trafficking. there was a grid-like basis for a lot of his artwork, and he remarked about the intrigue of sifting through all our mortal, conceptual embodiments of the energy and at the base of it is a simple network of lines and intersections. I think he said that it was such a simple idea of "god" and one wonders what else can be done with "it". I said "just live, baby" or something irrelevant.

In my mind's eye, the grid appeared and in one intersection, the sun was born and grew into itself. Closeby from another intersection, the planet earth was born and grew into itself. Then my perspective zoomed into a spot of the grid next to the earth, and a new system of lines appeared within a portion of the first system. The moon grew out of one of the smaller intersections. Further inward were more grid systems, out of one intersection my body and mind appeared, and so on with Ry and C. For me the lines were green and they were cast across black voids. Anyway, I don't have interpretation other than the obvious it was just hella cool. Ry said that he could sense lsd energy in the room, and that some objects in the room had an animated quality to them.

I got distracted trying to make drawings of my own and Ry said he was going to go home and sleep. I didn't really understand that it was that late but I knew people slept so I allowed it. C was crashing hard from his cold and wanted to sleep so we went back to his place. I stayed up and drew stuff and played with army men at his mom's kitchen table. Eventually I retired to the couch and slept both well and poorly. I do not understand sleep and coming off acid it is the most bizarre thing. It's like being conscious and unconscious at the same time.

I was recovering from three nights of bad sleep and the train passengers around me were recovering from pills and booze at a bachelor party the night before. I preferred my hangover. I felt pleasantly vacant and calm the trip home and in the days following.

There weren't really any epic intellectual points or realizations on this trip, most of the value came in the following days. I wanted to trip again a week after; it seemed like a trip that just shook loose some mental clutter and I could have a "part II" trip, but I had no dose. By the time I acquired I was past that point and it's difficult to find time to trip at whim with two toddlers so I don't know when I'll trip next but I'm thinkin of a camping trip or a music fest, and a bigger dose.

thanks to anyone who read this. happy trips, abundant life 8^D

 

the earth and moon at intersctions... never thought of it like that

I guess thats kinda obvious though

 

yeah it was a very understated visual since I was coming off. thanks for hangin with me though; i wasn't all that coherent because I thought you were reading my mind and there was no need to use many words. I often thought I was talking to you but I was only thinking it, lol.

 

well, high enough up there is only one mind, so at some level I was reading your mind

 

Hey Burnabowl you get a chance to chill with ganesha yet?

 

haha, no. any other parents have difficulty finding time to trip?